Special.
This was special. They were special. And Hannah didn’t feel like she was coming home again. Instead, home felt like something different than it ever had before. Home didn’t feel like a prison, it felt like a gift.
And maybe that was the real lesson.
That you could change, but then you can keep on changing, and it might bring you back to where you started.
That you could make mistakes, and run away, and be hurt and broken, and find a way to feel anyway, to be reborn, while carrying those memories along with you.
And when you became that new creation, you had to be okay with where it might take you.
37
Being afraid of showing my emotions, of failing, of being a bad wife and mother and woman, has been my greatest enemy. It did more damage in my life than simply asking for help, showing I didn’t know what to do, ever could have. I finished my first ever crafting project. My first quilt squares. I was so afraid they wouldn’t be perfect. And they aren’t. But they are filled with love, and they brought me closer to my daughters, closer to my mother. Brought me a sister I didn’t know I had. Lark was right about creating. It isn’t about struggling to make something that looks perfect, but about the joy to be had in the journey. The same, I think, might be true of life.
Mary Ashwood’s diary, June 24, 2021
Lark
It was a shock to have Ben turn up at The Dowell House. Her sisters, and niece and nephew were all inside, playing Go Fish, in a ruthless fashion that had nearly drawn blood. Lark had been feeling enervated since her confrontation with Keira. But there was... There were a lot bigger problems between her and Ben than Keira.
Like the fact she’d turned him away last time they’d been alone together.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
“Ben... I want this to work. I... I really need it to and if you’re going to tell me it’s impossible, I will understand. Because everything is complicated and I get it. But please make it quick if that’s what you’re here to do because I can’t take it.”
“No,” he said. “That’s not what I’m here to say. It’s not too hard, Lark. Too hard is not being with you. And everything else... Everything else we’re going to find a way to work through. But I needed to make sure that I did the thing I didn’t do last time. I needed to make sure that I came for you. Because you... You matter to me. You more than matter to me. I love you. I love you, and everything else is just details.”
She laughed, and launched herself into his arms, toward him. Not away. Right into messy. Right into the past, the present and the future.
She didn’t run, not anymore.
She would stay, right here. With him.
“They are really messy details,” she whispered against his neck.
“Yeah. They are. But I didn’t get your name tattooed on my shoulder just because I thought a bird might look nice. It’s because you’re part of me. You’re part of my life. My journey.”
“We should’ve talked then.”
“Yeah. But we didn’t. But we are now.”
“I’m not sure if we could’ve weathered that. Losing her.”
“We did the growing we needed to do. And maybe we could have done it together. We didn’t. But things are... They’ve come together now. We are together now. I choose this. I choose us. Jumping in with both feet. Both eyes open. Not just because it’s easy, not just because it’s expected. Just because of love.”
“You know,” she said. “I remember how you got that scar.” She touched the slashing line on his face. “And I remember you jumping off the rocks at the creek. And you hiding under Avery’s bed after I told her a ghost story, so that you could help me scare her. And I remember that time that you came to my house, and you said that you loved me. And then you kissed me.”
“Really?”
“It’s my favorite one. My very favorite memory.”
“Then I better make it happen.” He moved closer. “I love you.” And then he did kiss her. And it was like all the pieces of her life, every fragment, every girl she’d ever been, came together at that one moment. All the sorrow, all the laughter, all the journey that made her who she was, was wrapped up just then, in a neat little bow. And she realized then that it actually didn’t matter. If they were meant to be or not.
Because they chose each other.
And that, in the end, was what mattered.
“Why don’t you come inside.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We’re playing a pretty violent card game, though.”
“Is it Uno?”
“No. We save that for after the children go to bed. It gets too colorful. Avery curses like a sailor when she loses at cards.”
“Well, I’m here for a little Uno after dark.”
“Perfect. Does Taylor want to come over?”
“She’s actually with... With Keira.”
It surprised Lark, but it made her feel... Good.
“I’m glad,” she said.
“But I’ll let her know that we are playing cards. I think she’ll be happy.”
“I hope so.”
“Well, I know I am.”
“For now. But you haven’t faced my sisters yet.”
“I’m ready.”
She had a feeling, that after all this time, they were more than ready.
38
Starting over is terrifying. But for me the worst thing was knowing how my life might end up if I didn’t have the courage to change. The unknown became far less terrifying than what I knew for certain. To let go of a life that no longer fits is not a failure. Pride is a poor substitute for joy.
Avery Grant’s diary, June 22, 2021
Hannah
The night of her thwarted hookup with Josh, she’d come to his ranch, but she hadn’t really looked at it. And as she stood on the front steps of the modest, but exceedingly
