Ben settled back against the pillows and Ana went to refresh the ice pack. Once it was back on his jaw she excused herself, saying that she needed to sort through her clothes. In truth she needed time alone, time to think. With all the turmoil around her she had no time to sort through her own feelings about all that had happened. Since they first met, she and Ben had shared truly carefree moments only once. Even as their attraction for each other grew, there was always a mutual presence of worry and threat. Those moments were burned into memory— the powerful flow of passion they had tried to stifle because of the obvious threat to his family. The battle had been lost. They didn’t realize, sequestered in the dense growth with birds cawing and circling overhead, that two women Ben cared about were headed for Spain and a horrendous experience.
Ana went to the window and stared out at the last moments of dusk. She was weary, but her mind refused to calm itself. At this point she was sure to have lost the job she was assigned—maybe future ones as well. Her professional reputation was bound to suffer. How would that affect her connection to Ben? The dynamic between them would now change in some way. Ben would no longer have a commitment to make himself available to her for any reason. Was his attraction to her fueled only by the heightened senses of the situation, or did it go deeper? It had been unnatural—the way they had been forced into a premature intimacy by the events of that first night. Although not sexual intimacy, there existed a sexual undercurrent she had sensed from the moment they met. Should she play it cool now, offer him some space? Surely he would want to return to England, spend time with his family. She would be an outsider. She would have no place at the table. And there was Valerie. Could her heroic actions soften him toward her? If she recovered, might they reconcile?
Overwhelmed by all there was to contemplate, she turned away from the approaching darkness, walked to the bed, threw herself down and began to sob quietly. Emotional and physical exhaustion soon brought sleep. An hour passed before she was awakened by Ben’s knock on the door adjoining their rooms. Startled, she sat up, and without a thought to her red puffy eyes she told him to come in. He had showered and dressed, but still sported the stubble of several days without a shave. His hair was still damp and combed straight back. Other than the bruising on his jaw, he looked fresh and as vital as ever. Ana was suddenly aware of her own appearance. She brushed the hair away from her face and then looked down at the bed in a vain attempt to hide the fact that she had been crying. Her puffy eyes didn’t escape Ben’s scrutiny.
Ben frowned as he asked, “Have you been crying?” He answered his own question. “Of course you have—I can see that.” She didn’t reply. “I can understand that this whole thing has taken a toll on you too. I know we aren’t your family, but you’ve treated us as if we were.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” she replied. Ben’s expression told her he wasn’t buying it. “Well… I guess it’s not nothing. The gravity of the day’s events just got to me all of a sudden.”
In a tone that reflected doubt he said, “I think there’s more to it than that. I know I frightened you today. One thing is sure: If you had been in a similar situation and able to run off, leaving me wondering what would happen, I would be terrified … and more than a little angry… mad as hell, actually.”
“Of course I’m not angry. But I was terrified. This was my first experience with feeling helpless—being involved in something really serious. I guess I knew all along, from our experiences in London, that if I stuck around, things would get dicey.”
“When I decided to come to Pamplona, I should have insisted you stay in London. I truly didn’t think it would lead to this degree of violence. But once I was involved, I had to follow through. She’s my sister.”
“Of course you did. I admire and respect your decision. But the whole thing had another result—an unexpected one.”
“Unexpected?”
“Yes. I guess it would be easier to refer to an old adage that applies—sorta.” She took a deep breath and began, stumbling slightly with her words. “They say one never realizes what they have until they lose it, or I might say thinks they could lose it.”
Ben cocked his head trying to understand, but didn’t say anything. After a pause Ana blurted out, “You! You! I was afraid of losing you!” Ben backed away slightly, surprised by the intensity of her remark. “The hours after you ran off were excruciating, and as every minute passed I realized how much I didn’t want to lose whatever it was that had started between us.” She began to pace around the room, arms folded to her chest, waiting for a response and feeling as though her honesty could make a fool of her.
“Nothing between us has changed because of this. Well, I guess it will change, actually, because now a murdering crook isn’t chasing me, and I don’t have to worry about Olivia. That sounds pretty good to me.”
Ana smiled self-consciously and abruptly sat down on the small boudoir chair in the corner of the room. She looked down then combed through her
