Without another word, I turned on my heel and strode off the bridge.
I was halfway to my quarters when the aftermath of emotion hit me. I leaned my back against the bulkhead and dropped my face into my hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I muttered.
Would you like to know what Alder and Morpheus are discussing now? Blue asked. I knew she was trying to be solicitous, but the question made my head hurt.
“No, thanks.” The last thing I wanted to do was deal with either of them right now. “Are our passengers doing okay?”
They are. I have given them access to our food and water rations and told them of our plans to take them to Nimbus Prime, as you requested. The information seems to have calmed their fears. Many of them are currently sleeping.
I nodded. “Good.”
One other thing, Lise, Blue continued, when all I wanted her to do was be quiet.
“Yes?”
I learned something interesting from the empress’s AI. It’s about Alder.
Damn. I was sick of Alder already. “What’s that?”
He is a fae prince. His full title is Alder Faeweather, Regulus the Sixteenth. He’s wanted by the Duprasi because he is expected to marry one of their princesses.
I huffed out a short laugh. “Well, that explains a lot.”
Pushing myself off the wall, I continued on my way to my quarters. The passengers could wait. I needed to wash off the residue of the last several hours. Of course, it would take more than a shower to rid myself of the remains of my anger at Alder—but I’d have to do that, too, if we were going to continue to work together.
For that matter, I needed to move past it before I tracked down Evik. He was far too sensitive to the emotions of everyone around him—he’d know in a heartbeat something was wrong. I wasn’t about to be the one to tell him his brother-in-arms was an asshole.
As I slipped into the captain’s quarters, shed the oversized shipwear I’d grabbed in the medbay, and stepped into the sani-shower’s soothing spray, I found myself replaying the confrontation on the bridge over and over again.
The memory of the look on Alder’s face as I reminded him of how important he was to Evik made my stomach hurt. Truth be told, I knew the fae cared as much for Evik as the Chilchek did for him.
And I had gone straight for the emotional jugular.
Normally, that wouldn’t have bothered me.
But, I finally admitted to myself, the hell of it was...I had actually been growing more and more interested in all three of my crewmen.
I cursed quietly to myself.
I had known all of them reciprocated my interest. Even Morpheus, who acted aloof more often than not, had looked at me on the bridge the way a man did when he wanted a woman in that way. But, gods, I also knew better than to get involved with shipmates.
And yet...I would not back out of my promise to Evik.
I just have to decide what to do about the other two.
18
Alder
I liked Evik.
Hell, more than that. I loved Evik. He was my family. And how was I acting? Jealous. Petty. Hurtful words spilling from my lips.
“Godsdammit!” I shouted, turning to slam a blue sparking fist into a wall. I hit the metal surface again, wishing that the hard-as-diamonds alloy would dent under my force.
“I would appreciate it if you would not attempt to damage my physical body, Prince Alder Faeweather, Regulus the Sixteenth.” The AI’s voice buzzed gently from the speakers. It was almost sympathetic sounding. Which was impossible. It was artificial intelligence, not a sentient being. “And, on a personal note, our Captain has a soft spot for the unloved and underappreciated. She is not fond of pompous men attempting to control her.”
“What the hell do you know?” I muttered sullenly, lowering my bruised hands and leaning against the curved wall. “You’re just a ship.”
“I have been with Lise for long enough to know her ways.” The AI pressed onward, acting like she was Lise’s bosom compadre instead of a hunk of metal with a programmed brain. She. Ha. Now I was acting like this thing was sentient, and with a damn gender identity. Blue’s an ‘it’, Alder. Not a she or a he or a they.
I just needed to think for a while, needed to figure out why my emotions were out of check, why I was so damn green with envy over Evik and Lise. I was usually a pretty accepting guy, all things accounted for, but Lise was special. And I wanted her. And it was really burning my space nuts to see her falling for Evik instead of me. Evik, who wasn’t a bug, and I knew I was a bastard for saying that. But they were so damn different.
How would it work?
Where would he put his… No, it was obvious ‘where’ he would put it. But would it feel good to her? And the extra appendages and the mandibular palps and the carapace. It would be simpler with me, dammit. I was the most like her. Our bodies were similar. It wouldn’t take work or trying to figure out how we ‘fit’ together. But it seemed that Lise was not like any females I’d met before. She wasn’t afraid of exploration, she didn’t care if Evik was different from her. She was attracted to him, apparently.
Women on my planet would never think to mate with a Chilchek or any other being that didn’t share our similar physiology. Hell, in many ways—most ways—my planet was full of speciesists. We were taught from a young age that the populace of our planet was superior to most in the galaxy, if not all. That we were better, with greater moral rights than other sentient beings from other planets. I’d always prided myself on being a more forward thinker.
Guess I was no different than my parents
