A moment of hesitation ricochets among us. No one expected Izzy to show concern for Frederick, but it's a reminder that we have no choice but to rely on one another. Freddy's eyes cut to the right to Izzy.
“I have thought about that,” I say, shoving some egg around with my fork. “It's dangerous.”
Freddy follows suit, looks down at his half-eaten dish when he says, “Danger doesn't scare me.”
Josh, on Frederick's left, is watching his dark opposite with open curiosity. Frederick gives away so little, only reveals himself when he's forced to. Yet there's a quiet passion in his words now. It stirs my affections for him, the strange way in which we are drawn together. I already know what he's going to say.
I tell him, “It's up to you. We can find another way.”
He looks up and there's heat in those pale eyes. “There is no other way. We need to know what Gram is up to. He has more enemies than just us, trust me.”
“I do,” I say quietly.
The words present themselves without thought, without a moment's pause, and they create waves in the tension. His mask stutters and the heat in his stare turns to an altogether different emotion: desire. He quells it quickly enough, but I realize that Abuela is also watching him. She saw it, too.
I break the contact, look to Josh. He stills under my attention.
“Jack says the cops will be done with the crime scene today, which means tomorrow we'll be clear to get our guns. I want you to ride into town with Frederick. See if Jack needs anything, he's short a front-of-house manager. When the scene clears, get the shit and send it back this way.”
Josh's eyes have widened and he's mute. He nods, slowly. Perhaps he wasn't expecting a big boy job in all of this. I need to remind him that I won't keep falling for his little act. He can't hide behind a mask with me. I volley my attention back to Frederick.
“How long do you think you'll need?”
Business is always an easier topic for him when there are other people around. I watch his expression shift to shrewd as the awesome machine that's his brain kicks into action. The resulting silence isn't quite as suffocating as the previous moments were.
“If I play my cards right, not more than a day,” he says in a tone so resolved I could never doubt him.
Isaiah cocks an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. He shakes his head with that disappointed knowing I've seen on him so much lately. He, too, knows that Frederick's resolve is unshakable, and that failure is never really an option for him. Izzy knows Frederick will come through, if he doesn't get himself dead trying. So I decide to put voice to Izzy's very valid point.
“You don't need to rush this, take as much time as you need. I'd rather you be your charming, smart, and methodical self than slip up because of a clock.”
He smirks, a one-sided answer to the hint of sarcasm in my warning. He says, “Then let my charming and methodical self handle it.”
I let an answering smile play with just the corners of my lips, then look back to Josh.
“I want you to stay at the restaurant when Frederick returns with the guns. We can't leave Jack hanging. I will send for you once we have a game plan.”
His mouth opens. He wants to protest. He's being left out of planning. He will be far away from me. So many things I know he wants to say, but he just closes his mouth. His eyes cloud and he nods.
I nod in return, a silent thanks for not opposing me on the matter. Then, finally, I nail Isaiah to his chair with my firm attention. He had to know it was coming. He always seems to know.
“Iz, I want you to stay here with me and deal with the stall in our business. We have some antsy customers with no product. We have to do some damage control, or we'll lose them completely. We can't afford that right now.”
For a moment, I can see the panic in his eyes. The two of us for a whole day. Sometimes I wonder what he's so afraid of. Why won't he look me in the eye for long? But then, haven't I known for what seems like forever? It's pure chemical reaction: he wants me.
He does, but he won't let himself break to it. He knows better. Look at Frederick, and Joshua. Or maybe he's already been burned in another life. I'll probably never know, he won't talk about his past to me.
“We also need to crunch some numbers and assess our position.”
He nods, but he deflects the attention by taking a drink of his water. I let him have it, let him skitter back as far as he can, given the present company.
“Today we show our appreciation to Abuela for her kindness. We will do whatever jobs you see fit,” I say, looking to her.
One sculpted eyebrow lifts, a rare show of surprise, but she just nods. Doesn't say a word. Can she tell that I'm trying to live up to Charlie's shadow? I'm trying, but will it be enough?
“We'll start with dishes,” I say and the tension breaks. I can feel the collective sigh, the release on the moment. Domestic duties are easy, something we're all used to sharing anyway.
I look around. We really are a fucked up family, but it’s what we are. We watch each other's backs, and we all give a shit when one of us is in danger – even if not all of us want to care.
That thought is more comforting than anything has been since Charlie died. I bury it, a seed of hope, as I stand to clear the table.
Chapter 22 As the Truth Falls
Frederick
The dirt road coats the Caddy in a gritty
