“As it just might be.”
“But would you rather wake up each morning dreading that it might be the last or be thankful each morning that we have another day together?” she argued rising to stand in front of him. She embraced him around his waist laying her head on his chest and held on tightly until he finally raised his arms to return her embrace. “I will take what I can get. If it’s one day or a year…I just want to enjoy it with you. We have lost so much time already.”
A day or year, she mentioned, but not a lifetime. Connor leaned back and stared down at her face wondering at the mind hidden behind it. He might spend the rest of his days arguing philosophy alone with her and be happy for it. He could live a lifetime utterly engaged by her. He wanted it and had known it from almost the moment he met her, confirmed it during his hiatus of the previous week, but clearly her mind wasn’t looking beyond the immediate to that lifetime he pictured.
To Emmy, their liaison was short-term still.
He wondered what she would say if he asked her to marry him, to stay with him for a lifetime. To trust that it was their destiny to be together whether by God’s hand or man’s.
He wondered if she would run away and leave him alone again.
“Don’t look so worried, Connor,” Emmy rubbed at the creases in his forehead. “I don’t think our time is up yet. Just enjoy it with me, please.”
Connor hugged her to him and pressed a kiss on her brow. “I love ye, Emmy. It is not a feeling content for a day or a year.”
A sizzle of apprehension shot through Emmy at his words. They were possessive and absolute. He would never let her go, she thought, simultaneously awed and frightened. She was still trying to comprehend that enormity of feeling this love incited within herself. Imagining that it might be magnified by mutual love was almost overwhelming. Emmy wasn’t entirely sure that she knew how to cope with it all.
For a moment she wondered if it might be better for them both if it all just ended now.
Chapter 36
Where was he? Emmy wondered as she waited for Connor to put in an appearance at dinner that night. After his avowal of love, Emmy had turned away excusing herself to start preparing for dinner, eager for a chance to escape the intensity of that moment. She had taken her time bathing and grooming, hearing him doing the same in his room, wondering if she had bitten off more than she could chew.
In her mind, romantic love had always been an abstract thing. She had no memories of her parents living together to derive some idea of what a healthy relationship looked like, had no serious relationships of her own and most of her friends were still single. Love had always been the stuff of movies and romance novels, an idealistic dream filled with a white wedding and happily ever after.
This was not what she had imagined at all.
She had never thought there would be uncertainty, fear and anxiety involved. Commitment was one thing. Emmy could picture herself doing commitment, had always thought/hoped that her marriage, when she got around to it, would be her first and last. She had always planned on doing it right the first time, forsaking the easy-out of divorce. To her a pre-nup was an expectation of certain failure. But this! It wasn’t simply a commitment to Connor in the balance here. It was a commitment to this time. An absolute acceptance that she would stay…here, for the rest of her days.
Emmy looked around the drawing room at the ladies in their magnificent dinner gowns and the men in their formal attire. Crystal glasses clinked together above the polite murmur of conversation as the servants wove through the groups filling drinks unobtrusively.
This wasn’t the way she was raised. Oh sure it was nice to never think about working all day and figuring out what to have for supper. No laundry, no cleaning. No anything. There was giddy indulgence mixed with guilt every time Margo waited on her. It extended to every servant in the castle. Emmy didn’t think she had been born to be served in such a manner.
And the idleness! Emmy thanked God that she had a useful skill to keep most of her days occupied. The days that she had stayed within that castle the previous week had shown her the women did little more than needlework and gossip. Dory, at least, interacted with running the castle. In fact, it took much her time, but the others lived lives of indulgent laxity. Emmy knew she couldn’t live that way forever; she had more ambition than a life permanently on vacation.
Loving Connor was one thing, but Emmy just wasn’t certain she wanted to stay here.
“Where is Connor tonight?” Ian asked as he approached with Dory. They were late as well. Dory had admitted to being worn out by all the activity of the babies in her womb. Another examination had shown amazing growth over the past week. The weight and movement were wearing on Dory physically. Emmy had debated whether to tell her that twins usually came early, but didn’t have the heart to admit as much while the woman looked so worn down.
She also worried whether her skills would be enough to save her life if the whole second chance idea were the real reason she was here.
Emmy turned her gaze from Dory to Ian only to find
