“Oh my god, Darcy. I had no idea.” Her voice is a hushed whisper. “I… thank you.”
I hug her back fiercely, squeezing my eyes shut against a wave of too many emotions.
“I have to get some things from my room,” I tell her, choosing not to mention that the things I need are weapons capable of decapitating any vampire in the place. “Grab what you need and come with me.”
Jessica sighs and lets her arms drop, leaning back to smile at me sadly. She shakes her head.
“Thank you for trying to get me out of here,” she says quietly. “But I can’t.” She blinks rapidly, her eyes glistening. “I hope you’re able to get your brother out of here in one piece. I really do. I’m going to miss you so much. But I can’t go with you.”
I frown at her, my heart sinking. “Jessica—”
She shakes her head, her lips trembling. “If I violate the terms of the contract, they’ll kill my mother. Or remove their support and let her die slowly, which would be infinitely worse. The doctor they hired put my mom on this experimental drug—it’s stupid expensive and ridiculously difficult to get—but it’s working. She can walk with a cane again. She can grab things too, if they’re big enough for her to get a good grip on. She still can’t write or open pill bottles, and her vision is still spotty, but she’s getting better.”
I clench my jaw, hating that this sweet, selfless girl is caught between saving her mother’s life and her own. It should never have fucking come to this.
“We’ll figure it out,” I promise. “Whatever they’re paying for her care, I’ll come up with a way to get it. I’ll protect her from retaliation, and you too. It’s not going to be easy, but we can make it happen. Don’t you want her to be able to see you when she gets her sight back?”
Maybe that was manipulative, but the determination in Jessica’s eyes is making me panic.
She shakes her head sadly. “You can’t save everybody, Darcy. No matter how much you want to. Let’s face it, the vampires are the only ones with enough money and power to do what they’re doing for her. I can’t mess that up. I won’t. She doesn’t deserve to live in pain.”
“Neither do you,” I say desperately, but I can see that the argument is over. Jessica smiles at me and squeezes my hands again.
“You can’t keep everyone safe,” she repeats. “Sometimes you have to choose. I can’t leave—so go save your brother. He needs you.”
My stomach clenches. Her mind is made up; I can see it in every line of her face. She’s one of the softest, sweetest people I’ve ever met, but she’s clearly just as damn stubborn as I am.
More and more arguments tumble through my head, but I know none of them will convince her. None of them are strong enough to bend reality to my will.
I get up stiffly, forcing my unwilling feet to move. I don’t want to leave her. I always thought of Jessica as my best friend in this place, but now that it comes down to it, I realize with a shock that she’s become my best friend, period.
Jessica gets to her feet too, calm everywhere except her eyes. She’s as worried about me as I am about her, but she isn’t fighting me to make me stay. Maybe she has more faith in me than I do in either of us. Maybe that’s her strength—or her weakness. I can’t tell the difference anymore.
She hugs me so hard my bones creak, and I return the gesture. I have the sudden, stupid impulse to pick her up and carry her out of here, as if that wouldn’t attract way too much attention. She’s shaking. I wonder if she has the impulse to knock me out and keep me there. I guess we all have different ways of staying safe.
“Don’t die,” she orders, her voice hoarse. “Don’t you dare die.”
“I won’t if you won’t,” I say, then stop talking before my voice breaks.
Her face is wet with tears when I pull away. Maybe mine is too, I don’t know. I give her hands a final squeeze. She nods solemnly. I want to say something more, but what is there left to say?
We are, each of us, marching knowingly into mortal danger and probable death.
With pain burning a hole in my heart, I slip back down the hall and strap my weapons on.
Chapter Twenty-Two
My random wanderings have given me a better understanding of the palace layout. Vampires aren’t straightforward creatures, and the Baltimore underground is a twisted ruin. I’ve learned that getting to the men’s quarters undetected is infinitely easier if I walk away from it first, toward the dining hall, then keep going until I come to the passage which cuts diagonally across the back corner. From there, it’s a bit of a maze, but I’ve wandered it enough times to know where I’m going.
As I walk on silent feet, I pass the little alcove where Connor kissed me, and a wave of sadness threatens to break my focus. I don’t want to think about the fact that I’ll never see him again.
I want to go find him. I want to get him out of here, have him come live with me somewhere sunny and bright like his personality.
But that would kill him. And he, eventually, would kill me.
I keep forgetting he’s a vampire. He seems so fucking human to me, and it’s not fair that he’s trapped as an undead monster. If there’s a way to un-turn a vampire, I’ve never heard of it. The magic that makes them what they are also keeps them alive. I can’t imagine a vampire,—especially one who had been mortally wounded in the moments before his turning—would survive a reversal, even if one was possible.
It’s pointless to keep thinking about him, but I can’t seem to get
