“Two cheeseburgers, please,” Penny says without looking at the menu. She turns to me. “I promise you they’re amazing.”
“Oh,” I say eloquently. “Well, I— My sister has my wallet.”
What a stupid excuse. I wince, waiting for her to give me an odd look. The waiter does. He purses his lips, probably seeing straight through my bullshit, before walking away.
“Don’t worry about it,” Penny says, waving her hand. “It’s no problem.”
The pain in my stomach doesn’t go away.
“Oh,” I say. “I mean, you can’t pay for my stuff. That’s— I—”
“I meant,” Penny says, “that we could get your wallet from her.”
I nod, pressing my lips together. Right. Of course. I stare at my notebook, trying to think of a way to smooth out the conversation.
“Oh, I guess I should probably talk about Marius, right?” she asks. “I’m so self-absorbed. Sorry about that.”
“No, you’re fine.” I shake my head. It’s a little easier to breathe with the change of subject. “But what can you tell me about working with him?”
Talking with her is different from talking to Marius. He was easy to talk to, but also more guarded. With Marius, I had to dig. Penny just gives up stories before I have to ask.
“He’s really focused on set,” she says, taking a sip of water. “Sometimes he messes around, because, you know, there’s a lot of time between takes. But whenever he wanted to get away, he’d find some corner and wear these gigantic headphones and read a book.”
“Really?” My ears perk up. “Is the movie based on a book?”
“It isn’t,” she says. “He’d read a lot about conversion camps, like fictional accounts and real-life ones. I read one, but I can’t get through them as fast. Whenever we couldn’t find him, he was somewhere reading.”
I want to ask more, but then the waiter comes and we have to stop to eat. Penny’s eyelids flutter when she takes a bite. I snort.
“I promise,” she says, wiping her mouth, “it’s really good.”
And, fuck, it is. I almost forget to be anxious because of the way it makes my tongue melt. She laughs at me. I smile back.
We don’t talk again until half her burger is gone and she’s offered me the rest of her fries. I usually feel uneasy about eating in front of other people, especially skinny people, but everything is so good that I don’t care.
“So,” Penny says. “Any more questions?”
I glance down at my notebook. There’s one I’ve been thinking of since she first showed up in the movie, but I wasn’t going to bring it up because I wasn’t sure how it would sound. But things seem to be going so well….
“How does it feel to see a newcomer like Marius step into such a big role?” I ask. “Especially since you’ve worked so hard to get where you are?”
Penny blinks, wiping her hands on her napkin. She’s silent for a long moment. Shit. Did that come out wrong?
“You should know,” she finally says. “Marius really deserves all of the attention he’s getting, but I’m worried he’ll fall into this trap where people care more about his talent than they actually care about him. Do you know what I mean?”
Words stick to the roof of my mouth. Is she implying that I’m one of the people who don’t care about him?
“Oh,” I say, closing my notebook. I always leave the recorder going, even as I pack up, just in case I catch something important. “That’s definitely not— I’m going to try my best to write a piece he deserves.”
“I know you will,” Penny says. “If you didn’t, we’d have a problem.”
Another pause. I squirm in my seat. Penny smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“But I’m sure that won’t happen.”
Then the waiter appears, and she smiles up at him.
@JosieTheJournalist: taking a break from being anxious to stare at pretty clothes. really nurturing my soul here
On Tuesday, I’m supposed to go to a fitting with Marius, but I can’t focus on what to ask him. All I can think about is Penny.
I think she hates me. She’s definitely wary of me after I put my foot in my mouth with that question.
“It’s fine,” Alice says. We’re both looking in the bathroom mirror. She must notice the mess that is my hair—stuck up in all directions—and the bags under my eyes. “The second time should be easier. You don’t have to be so nervous.”
I stare after her as she leaves. Funnily enough, her words aren’t making anything better. After I interviewed Marius, it felt like he was all I could think about, but that thankfully faded after a good night of sleep. But now I have to actually spend time with him at a fitting—I don’t even know anything about fittings. I pull my hair back, but my curls are all over the place, so I settle on a ponytail and a hat.
It’s harder to do Mirror Time when I’m away from home. There’s my face I like, I guess. But I hate my mouth. I never say the right things at the right times. And I can’t stand the pudgy stomach, no matter how hard I try to force myself to like it.
“Hey, Alice,” I say, stepping out of the bathroom. She’s already dressed, which will probably make this harder. “What if I just went to this one alone?”
She glances up from her phone with raised eyebrows. I don’t even have all of my clothes on yet, so it is kind of embarrassing to stare back at her. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve had to negotiate. It used to be easier when she was in high school, sneaking out to parties or asking me to hide things from Mom and Dad, but I have to take what I can get.
“What’s the point of me being
