“Come on, girls,” Dad says. “Where’s Maggie?”
“She’s at work,” I say. “And the library is having a pre-Thanksgiving playtime or something, so Mom took Cash with her. She’ll probably have to stay to clean everything up.”
“They work her too hard.” Dad shakes his head, but there’s no bite in his voice. “Always have.”
I stand up to hug him, but he pulls me in first. He always gives the best hugs. Eventually, I draw back to hug Alice, but she just scoffs and steps away. I don’t know why I even try.
By the time she and Dad have put away their stuff, Mom is back from work, and so is my oldest sister, Maggie. She’s still dressed in her apron and khakis. I hold up my phone.
“It’s the rare employee Maggie,” I say, opening my camera app. “Take a picture for good luck.”
Maggie’s eyes widen as she lunges for me. “Josie, I swear—”
“Mama,” Cash says, worming between the two of us. “No swearing.”
“You’re right, baby,” Maggie says, glancing down at him. “No swearing.”
When he heads into the kitchen, she sticks her tongue out at me. I snort.
We haven’t had a family dinner since the day before Alice left for school. It’s not that we don’t like each other. Our schedules just never line up. Dad works late, Maggie is always doing overtime, and Alice is usually at school. That leaves Mom, Cash, and me eating in front of the TV most nights. Cash looks a little startled to be sitting at the dinner table right now.
I tap my fingers against my side as everyone settles in, fighting the urge to go back on the computer and see if I’ve gotten a response from the contest yet. If Monique has replied to my email yet.
Maggie says all I ever do is search for things to keep myself anxious. I guess that’s what I’m doing now. My deadline isn’t until next week, and I’m pretty sure the piece is fine. It’s just that when I’m anxious about one thing, it tends to bleed over to everything else. I’m already worried about hearing back from the contest, and now I can’t stop myself from thinking about everything that might go wrong with the piece I wrote for Monique—the article deleting itself, Monique hating it and deciding she never wants to work with me again, my words sounding too similar to someone else’s and me being accused of plagiarism, Monique calling me a racist (even though she’s also Black)—and wondering what I’m going to write about next….
It never ends, not unless I’m actually writing. I don’t know what it is. Something about writing shuts off my brain for a little while.
“How are things at Spelman, Alice?” Mom asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. She always dresses like a hip librarian—Skechers, a T-shirt that says “All the Cool Kids Are Reading,” a pair of pink reading glasses clipped to her sweater.
“Great,” Alice says, grabbing another slice of pizza from the open box. No homemade food until tomorrow, when the entire family comes over for Thanksgiving. I cringe just thinking about it. “I love the psychology department. All of my classes are interesting. And I joined a sorority, actually, and it’s really helping me feel like I’m part of a community.”
“You? A sorority?” I raise a brow. “That sounds fake.”
“Oh, come on,” Maggie says, cutting up Cash’s pizza. “She can try new things.”
Alice flashes a smug smile. I like it better when I have Maggie to myself.
“You’ll probably try a bunch of things when you head there next fall,” Maggie continues. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll join a sorority, too.”
Alice snorts. I glare at her.
“Yeah,” I say. “Maybe. I guess we’ll see.”
“There’s a lot to do at Spelman,” Alice says, rolling her eyes. “You can find something that I didn’t try first.”
I grip my cup extra hard. If Mom and Dad weren’t here, I’d tear into Alice, and she’d probably tear right back. But now I have to force myself to be civil, even though none of this is my fault.
I’ve wanted to go to Spelman ever since I was in middle school. It’s where Mom went, where Grandma went, where Auntie Denise went. It was always my thing, but Alice applied last year, completely out of the blue, and got in. I still applied early decision, the way I always planned to. But now, when I get in, I’ll have to share the campus with my sister.
I definitely never dreamed about that.
“Auntie Josie?” Cash’s little hands reach for me. “What’s a sorority?”
“It’s a sort of club,” Dad says before I can. “But for people at college.”
“Make sure you’re eating your vegetables, Josephine,” Mom says, shoveling some salad onto my plate. “It’s better to eat some salad than to have more than one slice of pizza. You have to remember that we have diabetes in our family.”
Alice and Maggie share a look. I force myself to stare at my plate, but I doubt Mom notices. She makes comments like that all of the time, as if I don’t already second-guess everything I put in my mouth.
“Grandpa?” Cash turns to Dad. “Will you tell me a story?”
“After dinner, buddy.”
I poke at my salad with my fork. Maggie always says I should tell Mom how I feel in the moment, before she forgets what she’s said, but I can’t now. Cash is right there. Plus, we’d get into an argument, since she’d say she’s only thinking about my health. How do I respond to that without sounding like a brat?
Instead of responding, I get up and start clearing the table before anyone can ask. I want to get this over with as fast as possible.
“Josie, don’t go,” Dad calls from his seat. “Your mother and I want to talk to you. Alone.”
Maggie scoops Cash up and disappears. Alice jogs up the stairs. Traitors.
Normally, Mom and Dad don’t announce this sort of thing. They just start talking. The only time they make my sisters leave is when we talk about my anxiety. I
