“That’s really smart,” I say, nodding as I write. “And I think maybe I’ll talk to Roy Lennox, if he’ll answer me. It’s a long shot, but he’s around promoting the documentary about his career, so he might be nicer than he’s known to be.”
Penny’s face looks pinched. I wait for her to say something, but she’s gone silent, staring at the table in between the two of us.
“What?” I want to sound lighthearted, but it’s hard on a normal day, let alone when someone seems to deflate right in front of me. “I— This might sound a little weird. But I noticed you don’t seem to be a fan of his.”
“I—” Her eyes dart around the room, even though we’re the only ones in here. “Just don’t talk to him, Josie. Promise me you won’t talk to him. Okay? Stay away from him.”
“I don’t get it,” I say, pushing away my notebook. “Why?”
She sighs, her entire body slumping against her chair. I can’t read her expression, and I can’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t want me to talk to this guy. He’s a famous director and has made some pretty awesome films, according to most critics. I guess she could tell me he’s racist and I wouldn’t be so surprised.
In a flash, Penny grabs my arm, pulling me forward. There’s something sturdy about her expression. Too sturdy, like she’s seconds away from cracking.
“What’s wrong, Penny?” I ask. “Did something happen?”
All this silence makes it hard for me to breathe. I could tell myself everything is okay, but it’d be a lie. I’m anxious for a reason, and I’m not just blowing things out of proportion. Not this time.
“It’s just…” Her voice trails off as she shakes her head. “I haven’t heard good things about him. And I’ve had some close calls of my own. But you have to promise not to tell anyone. This can’t go into your story.”
“Yeah.” It’s hard to think about what to say. “My story is about Marius. It’s fine.”
“Okay.” She takes a deep breath, pinches the bridge of her nose. Her voice drops to a whisper. “It’s just that I did a movie with him once. I didn’t have a big role or anything. And it was one of those movies about older guys, you know, having a midlife crisis, so there were a few girls my age wandering around. He used to call me behind the camera to look at the monitor so he could tap me on the ass. It was just that, at first, and then he’d find excuses to stand behind me and, like…he got kind of gropey. Know what I mean?”
I don’t trust myself to speak. If I open my mouth, I might throw up.
I’ve had guys pull at my shirt in hallways and make comments about my boobs. Maggie has complained about the jerks at her job. But it was never like this. Penny keeps glancing back and forth, breathing the way I do during a panic attack. I didn’t think she was afraid of anything.
“Oh God.” My voice cracks. “Did you— Does anyone know?”
“Just a few other girls.” Her gaze is steely. “I broke my contract, left before I could finish shooting my part. He didn’t give me a hard time about leaving. I think he guessed I would.”
“But…” I shake my head. “Someone should know. It’s not okay—”
“Of course it isn’t,” she snaps. “But it’d be my word against his. He’s Roy Lennox and I’m just some girl who used to be on Disney Channel. I’m already fighting to get people to take me seriously. No one would even look at me again if I tried to speak about this.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
I’ve never heard anyone mention this before, but Penny is right. Why would anyone mention it? Roy Lennox could destroy them with a flick of his hand. But still. There’s about to be a documentary celebrating his greatness. People should know, shouldn’t they?
“I wanted you to know.” She reaches for my arm, squeezes. I hate that she is watching out for me. “He scared me when I was alone with him. I don’t want you to be in that position.”
“But I’m seventeen.” I shake my head. “He wouldn’t…”
She gives the slightest shake of her head. I bite my lip. All of a sudden, I feel like crying, but I can’t. Not if Penny isn’t crying. This is something that happened to her. It’s not about me.
“You’re new to all of this,” she says after a moment, eyes roaming over my face. “There are some things you don’t understand yet.”
I normally hate when people say things like that. They make me feel like I’m younger than I am, like I don’t know anything, like I don’t belong. But I know Penny is right. This is something I don’t get, because I’ve never had to deal with it, not like she has. And it makes me anxious the way I was back in middle school, when I used to get so anxious that I’d puke in the mornings before the bus came.
“Do you—” I swallow. “Do you know other women who had the same experience? If you told them about me, do you think—”
“No.” She shakes her head, folding her arms. “You’re really nice, Josie. Seriously. I’m glad I met you. But there’s— It’s something we don’t talk about. They’d all kill me for telling you.”
The compliment doesn’t do anything to undo the growing knot in my stomach. Will Marius notice if this happens to the women on this next set? Or will he just ignore it, like everyone else? And how many girls my age will be there? Why is this happening how can I stop it who is watching who is helping this can’t happen it’s not allowed it’s wrong it’s not fair—
My breaths come out fast and then stop altogether. I close my eyes, holding my breath. Penny squeezes my arm again.
“Don’t worry about it,”
