An actual reporter. I swallow the emotion rising in my throat.
“Anyway, I didn’t mean to freak you out.” Ms. Jacobson laughs. “People like Lennox are just crazy. If you decide to go into this industry when you get older, you’ll definitely see.”
“Right,” I say. “Yeah. I see that.”
I can’t bring myself to laugh along with her.
“I’ll let you go now, Josie,” she says. “Have a great time finishing out the tour. I’m excited to read your draft.”
“Yeah,” I say, but my voice sounds distant. “Thanks.”
I hang up before I can hear what else she has to say. When I glance up, Alice is looking at me, frowning. I’m still clutching the phone in my hand.
“Josie?”
I see Alice’s shape in front of me, but my breaths are coming out so quick, it’s hard to focus on her.
“Josie,” she says again. “Come on. It can’t be that bad.”
But it is that bad, actually. Because Lennox knows. He called them to get me to stop. Does that mean he’s called Penny? Has he called the other women who talked to us? Does he know about all of them?
I want to throw up.
And there’s no way I can ask Ms. Jacobson for help. She sounded so sure that it couldn’t have been me. But it was me—and Lennox knows. He must have people watching me. People asking around. He knows.
I imagine what Ms. Jacobson would do if she found out the truth. Deep Focus would probably ask me for the prize money back. She could probably tell me to stop writing the Lennox story—and I’d have to do it. If she finds out I’m actually writing it while on assignment for Deep Focus, they could probably take me to court, right after Lennox does.
“Josie?” Alice says again. “Listen—”
I don’t hear the rest of what she says. Instead, I push past her and into the bathroom and throw up.
@JosieTheJournalist: do you ever want to yell at yourself
I still feel sick when I show up at Marius’s apartment an hour later. I don’t even know why I’m back here. Maybe I’m just looking for a fight. I’ve spent these last few days trying to ignore Marius’s complicity. Not anymore.
“Hey,” he says when he opens the door, smiling in the same way that always makes something tighten in my chest. And it does. It just doesn’t feel good. “Haven’t seen you in a while,” he jokes.
I think he’s about to kiss me, but I slide past him and into the apartment.
“Is something wrong?”
I turn to face him, keeping my eyes on his socked feet instead of his face.
“I know you’ve heard the rumors,” I start, forcing my voice to remain level. “But did you know that Roy Lennox has sexually harassed and assaulted at least six of the women he’s worked with?”
Silence.
I sneak a quick look at him. His eyes are wide as he shakes his head, blinking too much. It’s like the first time I asked him. I always thought Marius was genuine, but I can’t tell if this is a real reaction or not.
“I think you do,” I continue. “Because I tried to bring it up with you before and you brushed me off. But you can’t brush me off again. Not right now.”
“I don’t—” He falters. “Josie, I’ve heard rumors, but I told you, I can’t—”
“They’re not just rumors,” I say. “No one would make up rumors about something this serious. Women know that no one would believe them. I just don’t get it. Everyone knows, but I guess you guys trick yourselves into thinking they’re just rumors, and that’s how Lennox keeps getting away with it. I don’t know. You tell me.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t? Of course not. I’ve only been interviewing women about it for the past week.” My eyes snap up to his face. “Don’t bullshit me, Marius. You can’t just brush this off because you want to be in one of his movies. You could be in any movie you want after Incident on 57th Street, but you chose to work with Lennox.”
I don’t know what I’m expecting, but it isn’t his eyes growing glossy with tears. He’s breathing steadily, chest slowly rising and falling, nostrils flaring. I take a step back. I’ve never seen him angry. Penny’s words echo in my head: I would wait to see what he’s like when he’s not nice. Maybe this is what he’s like. Maybe he’s about to yell.
“I don’t—” He looks away, swallowing. “It’s not as simple as just talking about it. And if I told anyone, I’d never get work again. I don’t know why we have to keep talking about it.”
“What are you talking about?” I fold my arms. “I’m sure it’s so hard for you to have to be asked about it when there are women who—”
“It’s not just them,” he snaps. “Everyone who works with him has to deal with something. I just didn’t know before I signed on, okay? And now there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Wait.” My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach. “You mean…”
Oh my God.
“Marius—”
“Don’t believe me? Do I have to tell you every detail for it to be true?” His breathing is faster now, frantic, like he’s just run a marathon. “Do you want to know how he took me to his hotel room for a ‘full cast reading’? But I was the only one, and—”
“Marius.” Acid burns at the back of my throat. I’m going to be sick. “Stop. You don’t have to tell me anything. I shouldn’t have—”
“And halfway through,” he continues, hands trembling at his sides, “there still wasn’t anyone else there, and I thought it was just something that would happen when I did more films, but no, it was just this guy my dad’s age who whipped out his dick and started jerking off right in front of me.”
I hold a hand to my face. I can’t stop shaking. All of
