It’s worth noting that Josie isn’t completely shitty. She’s smart and fun and makes cool jokes and has great taste in music. The idea of Canet having to face Lennox every day made her blood boil, and she figured writing was the only way to help. What she didn’t take note of was the fact that badgering him could’ve made things worse.
“She’s annoying,” Alice added. “But she’s going through with this idea, even though I kept telling her not to and she’s definitely getting grounded, so I’m guessing she really cares.”
Josie does, in fact, really care. She understands that Canet might not want to speak to her again, but she wants Canet to know all of these things. She wouldn’t be able to go home without apologizing to him.
The crowd coos. There’s the sound of cameras clicking. I look up to gauge Marius’s reaction.
“Oh my God.” He has a hand pressed over his mouth. I’m getting conflicting emotions—his eyes are watering, but something like a laugh escapes his lips. “Josie. Josie, Josie, Josie.”
“I wanted you to know,” I say. “Before I left. So that—so you’d remember me. I know you might not wanna hang out again—”
“No.” His hand wraps around my fingers. I stare down at our linked hands, forcing myself to remember how to breathe. “I don’t want that. I—I missed you when you weren’t around.”
“I missed you, too.” I glance up at him. He’s closer than before. “So much. Before I really knew you, even.”
His lips press against mine. I melt into the kiss. I don’t know how to describe it. The only thing I can think of is when I used to go on my random diets and wouldn’t eat anything, no real food. Kissing Marius is like eating real food again.
I tangle my hands in his hair, pulling him closer. I want him. All the time, even when he isn’t around, even when I’m trying to fool myself into thinking that I don’t want him. I want his soft pink lips and his hair and his eyes and the noises he makes into my mouth and the way his eyes are still closed for a second when I pull away, like he’s still lost in it, even though we only kissed for a minute.
“And now you can work on whatever movie you want next.”
“Yeah. I can.” His voice is soft. “But I want to go to this thing first. With you.”
“Me?”
The crowd breaks out in whistles and cheers, bringing me back to the moment.
“You have to go,” I say, stroking his hair with my thumb. He smiles at me, easy and bright. Looking at him for too long feels like getting high. “Everyone is waiting for the future Oscar winner.”
“No, no, no.” He shakes his head, but his smile is bigger. “That’d better not be in your profile.”
“People were saying it before I did, so I make no promises.”
Marius takes my hand. Then he speaks loudly, as if announcing my entrance: “The award-winning investigative journalist Josie Wright has arrived at the Independent Infinity Awards to grace us with her presence.”
“Shut up.” I nudge his shoulder. “Everyone is going to be paying attention to you. And I’m fine with that. That’s how it should be.”
“That’s okay.” He leans down, pressing a kiss into my neck. “They can all look at me. Just remember je suis à toi.”
He touches a hand to his chest before placing it on mine. I grin so hard my eyes sting. I take Marius’s hand and let him lead me toward the theater. I’m not worried about how I look or what anyone thinks. Not tonight.
While writing this book, I leaned heavily on my own experiences, but also on the experiences of others. I’m so grateful for every survivor who has spoken out and gone on the record with their stories. I’m in awe of your strength and bravery.
I also want to thank the journalists who have reported diligently through the #MeToo movement, especially Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, who first broke the Harvey Weinstein story in the New York Times. Their work—especially their book, She Said—helped me nail down so many of the details of this story.
Without writers like Sarah Hollowell, Julie Murphy, Becky Albertalli, and Renée Watson, I wouldn’t know anything about fat positivity, how to love myself as I am, or how to write a character like Josie at all. Thank you for your writing and your presence. I’m so glad that I read your books and heard you speak when I was in high school. I would not be the person I am today without you.
Thank you to Katherine Harrison for your vision and your dedication when it came to this project. I also have to thank everyone at Knopf and Penguin Random House who worked on this book, including Melanie Nolan, Gianna Lakenauth, Artie Bennett, Alison Kolani, Renée Cafiero, Amy Schroeder, Lisa Leventer, Jake Eldred, Nathan Kinney, Ken Crossland, Lili Feinberg, Mary McCue, Caitlin Whalen, Emily DuVal, Jenn Inzetta, and Mark Patti. Thank you especially to Erick Dávila and Casey Moses for the completely gorgeous cover. I feel so lucky every time I see it.
Thank you to the entire UK team, including Naomi Colthurst, Amanda Punter, Simon Armstrong, Ruth Knowles, Ben Horslen, Amy Wilkerson, Francesca Dow, and Michael Bedo. Once again, I’ll highlight Emma Jones, my UK editor extraordinaire. Thank you for letting me slide into your DMs about things that have nothing to do with books!
Thank you to Allie Levick and Bri Johnson for your early excitement, notes, and work on this book, especially in the preliminary stages, where it was more fanfiction
