I ignored the barb.
“Maybe you should just go fuck that duke then and begin making the babies. That would make things easier for you.”
She blanched, and I knew I deserved any slap that came my way. Only it didn’t. She just stared at me, kind of studying my face.
I hated it.
She saw too much. For a spoiled, pampered princess, she could see beneath the layers. Maybe that was because of the job she wanted. After all, she needed to see people through a lens in order to pull out the truth of her subject matter.
But I wanted no part of that.
I wasn’t her subject. She wasn’t pointing a camera in my face.
“Sparrow brought you your camera. Go take some pictures and get out of my hair.”
“Why are you acting like such an ass? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m not that duke, so why don’t you just back the fuck off?”
I needed her to go. Because if she didn’t, I’d lean down and touch her. I’d need her. And I couldn’t.
Because even wanting her was a betrayal. And I knew that. And just looking at London reminded me of that fact.
“No. This isn’t how it’s going to work around here.”
“You may be royalty on your little island, but I’m the one in charge here.”
“And you don’t get to talk to me like that just because you’re the one with the dick. Remember, I wasn’t the only one with my tongue down someone’s throat. So tell me, why are you trying to push me away? I know you don’t want me. Or at least you don’t want to want me. Fine. I get it. But why are you lashing out like this? Because it’s not going to work for me.”
I didn’t say anything, just tightened my jaw and glared at her.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I wanted this conversation to end. I wanted her away from me.
“Tell me,” she pleaded, her eyes wide. “It’s just you and me. Sparrow and Olly are in the guesthouse.”
And then she put her hand on my chest, and I was lost. I was clearly already failing at ignoring the pull.
I stepped away from her touch. I couldn’t think when she touched me. And if she wanted to see all the ugly bits, it would be easier if she wasn’t touching me. Tempting me to break the rules I’d put in place to protect everyone. “Fine, princess. You want the story? Life isn’t about castles and people protecting you.”
“I know that.”
“Really? Doesn’t feel like you do. Because you know what? Sometimes people aren’t protected, and sometimes it’s my fault.”
“What happened, Kannon?”
“You want to know? You want to know why whatever the hell you think might happen between us isn’t ever going to? Because I’ve already done this, and it went badly. Very badly.” I knew I was spiraling out of control. I could hear my voice rising.
She blinked up at me, letting out a shaky breath. “What do you mean?”
I threw my hands into the air. “I’ve already lost someone who I shouldn’t have been with. My fucking wife. Is that what you wanted to hear? I was fucking married, London. And she’s dead because of me. My child is dead because of me. So no, I want nothing to fucking do with you. Because if I did? You’d just get killed. Just like she did.”
“Kannon.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and I shook my head. “Don’t fucking cry. You didn’t even know her.”
“The pain in your voice, I know that. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
She took a few steps closer and put her hands on my chest again.
“I’m sorry.”
I looked away. I needed to.
“Phoebe was pregnant. Our first baby. When someone wanted to get to me, they made sure she knew why she was going to die.” Her screams echoed in my head once more, and I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. “They made sure she called and told me that she knew the bomb was under her seat in her car. I heard her scream, and then there was nothing. Just an explosion.”
“Kannon,” she breathed.
“Don’t. Maybe if I’d just listened to the threats before, she’d still be alive. But no, she’s dead. So now I make sure I don’t get close to anybody that I’m protecting. Because if I do? And they die? Then that’s on me. Even more so than just a job. Princess, you’d better back the fuck away because you’re just going to be another number in a long line of people I’ve let down.”
The words rang hollow as I swallowed hard, trying to catch my breath.
Her gaze went soft. She looked at me before she slowly wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest.
“Kannon. I’m so sorry.”
I held my arms stiffly at my sides, and then, almost involuntarily, they wrapped around her, pulling her close.
My body shuddered, and I closed my eyes tightly, willing the thoughts away.
But she just held me, this princess with the attitude and someone trying to kill her.
She held me.
And I was lost.
I wasn’t sure how long she held me.
It had been so long since I let anyone get close. Let anyone see the mask slip and show anyone the pain.
It could have been minutes; it could have been hours for all I knew.
Somehow, we’d ended up on the couch, London wrapping herself around me spider monkey style. When she finally lifted her head, her gaze met mine. “I’m sorry you lost your wife.”
“Wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. But you should probably know it wasn’t yours either.”
I shook my head. “No, I am—”
Her lips pressed together in what I recognized now as her stubborn expression. “No, Kannon, you need to know, you didn’t put the bomb there. You can’t take on all the world’s problems. I know you want to fix it. Trust me, I understand
