Mom sets the glass on the counter and comes back into the living room but keeps her distance from me. Her fingers drum against her legs, like she’s not quite sure what to do with herself. She reaches up to push a strand of hair behind one ear, but it refuses to stay put.
“You did have an affair with him,” I say. “So this isn’t really all that far out there. Maybe you just forgot the year it actually happened.”
I hold my breath, waiting to see how she’ll respond, but if she’s been lying, she’s done a really good job of hiding it.
“I was already pregnant before the affair started. That’s why Robert left me. He didn’t want a child.”
“Why does the story keep changing, Mom?”
She gives me a blank look and her mouth opens and shuts several times like a fish that’s been pulled out of water.
I decide it’s time to play my last card. “Guess I’ll have to get a DNA test. Shouldn’t be too difficult.”
Her expression changes in a flash. “What? No!” Her eyes are pleading.
“Why not? If you’re sure Robert is my father, then why are you worried about it?” My tone is so cold, I don’t recognize my own voice, but I’m also getting some kind of weird enjoyment out of confronting her like this.
She bites her lip and her eyes flutter closed. Her arms cross her chest again, like she’s hugging herself. She stays frozen like that for a long time. I’m about to turn around and leave when she moves toward the chair and falls into it again. Her hands cover her face, and her quiet sobbing pushes away the silence. Outside, the wind picks up, whistling and rattling in the windows. Seconds later, rain pings on the roof. A summer storm seems totally appropriate right now.
She finally looks up at me, her face splotched in red and shining with tears. “Yes,” she croaks. “Samuel is your father.” She breaks down again, letting out a mangled sob, but she manages to hold eye contact this time. “I’m sorry I never told you. I was… just… so ashamed. I wish the affair had never happened. I ruined everything between RaeLynn and me.”
“So what about me? Does that mean you wish I’d never happened either?”
“No, not at all! I didn’t mean it like that. I did love Samuel at the time, but…” She seems at a loss for how to dig herself back out of this hole.
“Yeah, Mom, you did ruin everything.” I want to keep going, really make her pay for what she’s done to me, but the adrenaline I’d felt just moments ago seems to drain right out of me. Now all I feel is numb. The raindrops pick up speed, hammering a steady pattern on the roof. In a few minutes, it will be pouring. A thin stream of water zigzags across the front window. “I gotta go.”
Mom swipes at her face. “What? Where are you going?”
“Don’t worry about it.” With that, I turn and head for the door.
I’m on the verge of bawling myself as I speed toward Carter’s place in the pounding rain. My clothes are nearly soaked as I knock on his front door. He lets me in with a worried expression that looks completely foreign on his face, but god it’s good to see him again.
“You cut your hair,” is all I can think to say. It’s not super short, but more of a skater style, which hangs over his eye on one side.
“Yeah, last week.” He pushes the strands aside and smiles.
In a totally uncharacteristic move, I step forward to hug him. His arms tighten around my back, and I can’t believe how nice it feels. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve hugged someone. He smells like Irish Spring and a little like spearmint, and I want to keep holding onto him, this one constant in my life, but I unlink my arms and take a step back, clearing my throat. “So, um… where’s Dax?”
Carter runs a hand through his hair, and it falls over his eye again. “He’s got the night shift. He works at the Shop N’ Go on Eleventh.”
“Oh, cool.” I glance around the trailer. The living room is sparsely decorated, with only a worn couch and an old-style TV sitting on top of a metal cabinet. A framed poster of ZZ Top is the sole picture hanging on the wall—it’s the same one that used to hang above his bed at his mom’s house. The trailer is really clean, especially for Carter, and the greenish-tan carpet even looks freshly vacuumed. Did he do all of this for me? “I like your place.”
“Thanks.” An odd-looking smile crosses his face, like he’s both embarrassed and pleased at the same time. “So how was your trip?”
“I don’t really wanna talk about it right now.”
“Oh.” His brows pinch together as the look of concern returns. “So… are you okay?”
“Better now.” I force the closest thing I can to a smile.
“That’s good.”
But the bad feelings are pressing back in, and all I know is that I just want them to go away. I can’t help myself—I reach out to Carter again, and he pulls me toward him, back into a hug, but this time it’s not enough. I tilt my face up toward his, and he seems to understand. Our lips press together, but before I can lose myself in this strange form of comfort, my brain catches up with my actions. What the hell are we doing?
I pull away again. “Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
Carter scratches at his neck, his gaze falling to the floor. “No, don’t be. It’s okay.”
I shake my head and take another step back. “My head is all jacked up right now. I’m not thinking clearly.” My cheeks flush as my heart starts to pound. Did I just completely ruin our friendship? Oh god, maybe I’m more like my mom than I thought.
Awkward silence
