Over the last several months, Dale had become like a proud uncle-to-be and even more overprotective. On busy nights, he kept me behind the bar and had a stool put back there so I could sit down. It was quite comical at times to listen or watch him when I was around.
Layla had been beyond amazing. She listened to me bawl for no reason. She went baby shopping and had made sure to inform me that she would be Auntie Layla. She had every intention of spoiling this child.
The day before the move had started like any other. I was putzing around before I finished the lightweight packing Dale and Layla had allowed me to do, listening to the classic 80s station on my new Alexa I had gotten for Christmas. Smiles and horrible singing with some eighties dance moves. I was on top of the world.
I wasn’t ready for a knock at the door.
Knock, knock, knock,
“Coming. Alexa, volume down.” The music lowered.
“Hell—” my smile dropped instantly as I opened the door and saw two soldiers on the other side, my hand went to my mouth and the other dropped from the handle.
“No, no.” I started shaking my head.
“Ma'am, may we come in?”
I just stood there, unable to move.
“Ma'am?”
I backed away from the door. I reached out behind me for something to grab. I felt faint. The soldiers must have sensed and tried to help me to the couch, but I just kept backing away. I finally found a chair and stumbled into it. “Ma'am.” They came over, but not too close.
“Jo,” was all I could utter.
“The commandant of the United States Army has entrusted me to express his deep regret that your husband, Colin, was killed in action in Mosul, Iraq on 15 January, when his squad was ambushed. The commandant extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family in your loss."
I sat numb.
“Ma'am,” he repeated.
“Jo, please call me Jo.” My voice sounded hollow to my ears as I sat there staring.
“Ma'am is there someone you can call or we can find to help you? Parents? Family?”
“I have no family. My best friend is coming over. I'm moving tomorrow.” Unconsciously, my hand drifted to my swollen belly.
“Ma'am do we need to call a doctor? Are you okay?” Layla had come through the door, chatting on the phone. The sight of the soldiers stopped her in her tracks. Seeing me in the chair in a catatonic state, Layla must have known in an instant what happened.
Colin had been killed.
Layla immediately called Dale, who was over within minutes. They both talked to the officers, keeping a close eye on me. I hadn't said a word. I just sat in the chair, staring into space.
Over the next few weeks, Layla stayed with me, only leaving when Dale could be there, neither trusting to leave me alone. They helped me move as planned. They took me to the funeral, though I didn't say much.
I moved about as if someone had hijacked my body. A few times, I showed some life, but it was short-lived. Once in the middle of the night, about six weeks after the news, Layla found me in the master closet, unpacking Colin's clothes. Dale and Layla had chosen not to do anything with Colin's clothes until I was better. But I couldn’t handle it.
“What are you doing, girl?” She was yawning and trying to wipe the sleep from her eyes.
“What's it look like? I'm hanging up Colin's clothes. He'll be home soon. Why are you still here? You should’ve gone home before you fell asleep, silly.”
Layla stared at me for a few moments, her face contorting as she debated her response. “Come on, sweetie. I'll help you in the morning. Right now it's the middle of the night. You need sleep.” Coaxing me back to bed, Layla stayed until I was asleep.
Chapter 19
February, bled into March and then April, all passing in a blur. I was barely aware of time.
April 15th, Tax Day. It began like any other day for the last several months. I shuffled around the apartment, walked past my Alexa, and stopped for a moment. I opened my mouth to request something. Then I closed it again and kept walking. I walked to the baby's room. Dale had set up the crib the other day, but that was it. No theme or design had been decided upon. I didn't even know if I was having a boy or a girl. I was supposed to find out when Colin got home, but I had canceled the appointment.
I shuffled to my room and sat on the bed. It looked like a tornado had whipped through the blankets. I used to make my bed daily, but it had been months. Honestly, it had been months since I had done anything.
Dale and Layla had done what they could to keep food in the apartment and simple house tasks done but there were still boxes everywhere waiting to be unpacked. I used to be on top of all this, not OCD, but orderly. Now I didn't notice the chaos around me. The days I worked, I got myself showered and dressed and went through my shift on autopilot. When I didn't work, I shuffled aimlessly from room to room throughout the day.
Today was no different until a sharp pain made me blink a few times as if trying to focus.
I drew in a sharp breath and held it until the pain subsided. I sat for a few minutes more before getting up and shuffling back to the kitchen. Another wave of pain shot through my body, forcing me to stop and lean against the wall. Once the pain let up, I
