Rocky tore his gaze away from Hudson to stare at the bed. It was big enough for a family of eight, which might have been impressive if Rocky wasn’t so damn disturbed by Hudson’s behavior. “That’s massive. We might lose each other in the middle of the night.”
Hudson went back to twisting his fingers. “I hadn’t thought of that. My thought was of comfort. As much as I know we all love cuddling, realistically, we’ll have nights when sleep matters when it comes to sleeping in the same bed forever.” Hudson’s body jerked slightly, as if startled himself. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to say that.”
Rocky made a dismissive gesture. Hudson was acting off and Rocky needed to know why. “You may as well tell me what’s going on. I’m not an idiot. There’s obviously something you’re keeping from me.”
Hudson’s shoulders fell. “Okay, but just hear me out, okay?”
“Okay.” Even Rocky heard the skepticism in his voice. Thankfully, it didn’t stop Hudson’s confession.
“Tito is with Jinx because they’ve been moving Jinx’s things out of storage and into some empty rooms around the house all day. They’re grabbing the last load of Jinx’s things from Zayn’s now.”
Rocky’s heart dropped while his temper hit the ceiling. “What? You two planned for Jinx to move here behind my back?”
Hudson made a calming gesture. “You said you’d hear me out, so listen. He’s moving in as a lure to get you here too. I want you both under my roof and in my bed every night. You said you don’t want to get married, so live with us instead. Let’s be together full time. I want us to be fully committed and under one another’s feet. I love you. Let’s make this permanent.”
A hollow pit opened in Rocky’s gut. Jinx had left him to come here, and he didn’t understand why no one had talked to him first. “Why didn’t you say something? If you had talked to me, we could’ve saved Jinx a move. I can’t leave Zayn. We could live together at his place, sleeping together every night like we did before you left on tour. My job is with Zayn. I have to be there under his roof.”
Hudson’s forehead screwed up in confusion or pain. Rocky couldn’t decide which. “Rocky, you don’t need to work. I want to take care of you. I’m not giving up my house and everything I’ve worked for to go live with a friend like a leech.”
A door slammed inside Rocky’s heart. He swore he heard the echo of his emotions closing inside his head. “A leech? Is that what you think I am?”
Hudson started pacing, making Rocky nervous. He looked a bit off. His erratic behavior seemed to be about more than just the current topic. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. Why didn’t I wait for Jinx?” Hudson ran a hand through his Mohawk, making it look a spiky mess. “I’m such an idiot. I knew I couldn’t do this alone. Jinx is the one you want. He’s the one you’ll listen to. There’s no reason for you to choose me over Zayn. Goddamn it. I knew I would fuck this up.”
The longer Rocky watched Hudson come unglued, the more obvious it became that something wasn’t right. He had only seen Hudson this out of touch one time—the night he had tried leaping from the balcony. Rocky tried calming him. “You’re not an idiot. Let’s just talk it out. We can make a plan.”
Hudson shook his head and kept pacing. “No. There’s nothing to say. I get it. Obviously, I’m no prize. I have nothing to offer. You’re in this for Jinx and I took him away.”
“That’s not true.”
It was like Hudson couldn’t hear him—as if he had gone away. A pocketknife appeared in Hudson's hand. He flipped it open and closed while he paced, looking more despondent by the second. “Jinx won’t stay once he knows you won’t live with me too. I just wanted the three of us to be together. The last six months have been hell. I thought we could finally find some normalcy. People think I’m nuts for being in this relationship. Maybe they’re right. It’s obvious I’m the unwanted one.”
Rocky didn’t think Hudson even knew Rocky was there anymore. It was like he had spiraled into some state of mania. He didn’t know what to do. Rocky felt helpless. “Just give me some time to figure things out, okay? I’m in charge of Zayn’s security team. There’s a lot of responsibility at Zayn’s that requires a full-time on-site person. If I’m not there, I need to find someone to replace me. That’s difficult.”
Hudson shook his head. His feet never stopped moving. The knife never stopped clicking. “Don’t patronize me. I know I’m fucked up in the head and you just want it to stop. You think I’m crazy and just want to get away. I get it. Just go. Take Jinx and leave. I know that’s what you really want anyhow. I’m just in the way. At least fucking marry him, though. If you plan to take everything from me, at least do that. Maybe it’s best if I get out of the way. Losing both of you is like a nightmare. I don’t know why I can’t wake up. This is what I get for letting myself hope. I wanted too much, and life is reminding me I’m not allowed to be happy. People like me never find one person to love them, much less two.” In his downward spiral, Hudson pressed the tip of the knife against his palm and spun. Rocky’s heart stopped before racing into his throat as he watched a bead of blood pool around the knifepoint. He honestly didn’t think Hudson even knew he was bleeding. That was how far he was
