‘You’re not serious. You can’t possibly do that. I was only teasing you about being an old maid. I didn’t mean it. Don’t be hasty. At least give it some thought. Malaya is a long way away.’ She gripped the edge of the table, the blood draining from her face. ‘Besides – what will become of me?’
‘You’ve plenty of time to find another paid companion. I won’t be leaving until the end of June. Mr Barrington has to make the travel arrangements.’ Evie picked up her copy of The Lady and handed it across the table. ‘There are plenty of promising candidates advertising their services in here.’
Heart hammering, she left the room, her dignity only slightly impacted by tripping and stumbling on the rug.
Safely in her bedroom, Evie leaned against the closed door, waiting for her pulse to stop racing and her chest heaving. What had she done? It wasn’t too late to go back downstairs and tell Mrs Shipley-Thomas she’d had second thoughts. Her employer would be relieved and Evie could remain in her safe cosy world where nothing out of the ordinary ever happened. A short business-like letter to Douglas Barrington and the episode would be forgotten and her life could go on as before.
She moved over to her desk and took up a piece of writing paper and her fountain pen.
Dear Douglas
Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding the loss of my father. His death was a great shock but I have had nearly nine years to adjust to life without him and my mother.
Thank you also for your offer of marriage. I regret I am unable to accept
Evie struggled to come up with an acceptable basis to refuse her cousin’s proposal. She could hardly write because I am scared stiff, yet in truth that was the only reason for her reticence.
The death of her father, his decision to take his own life rather than face the consequences when he was caught up in a financial scandal, had knocked Evie for six. Even now, years later, she missed him and despite what he had done, grieved for him and felt abandoned. When her mother had wasted no time after his death before joining her long-term lover in the United States, Evie’s world contracted further. While she and her mother had always had a strained and distant relationship, finding herself completely alone had not been easy. Her dreams of marrying, or of pursuing her education, were shattered. Becoming a lady’s companion had been based on necessity not inclination.
Hands propped under her chin, she tried to think it through. It was foolish to let annoyance at Mrs Shipley-Thomas’s insensitivity push her into a decision with lifelong consequences. Something so momentous required a more measured and rational approach. She must set aside her emotions and let her head rule her. Taking another piece of paper, she drew a line down the centre and headed one column Reasons to Accept and the other, Reasons to Refuse, and began to fill in the spaces beneath.
The arguments for refusing consisted of:
I barely know him
I have no idea what living in Malaya would be like
He’s much older than me
His letter was blunt with no hint of romance
Once I go I may not be able to come back
It’s a huge risk
After a few minutes she crossed out the third item. Twelve years wasn’t that much of an age gap and hardly a reason in itself not to marry Douglas Barrington. She drew a circle around the last item, as that was the crux of the matter – the other points were all different aspects of risk.
Turning to the empty first column she wrote:
Dancing with Douglas Barrington was one of the most exciting and memorable moments of my life
I’ve always wanted something interesting to happen to me
I hate living here
I’m bored with working for Mrs ST
Mrs ST doesn’t appreciate me
If I don’t do this I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering what might have happened
This is probably my last and only chance for love, marriage and a family
Douglas is the most handsome man I’ve ever met.
She read the list again and thought it sounded very childish and superficial. She crossed out the last point. On reflection the most salient point was the one about spending the rest of her life wondering ‘what if?’. She drew a circle round that. In the end it all boiled down to whether she wanted to grasp hold of life or cower timorously and carry on with her humdrum existence.
She dipped her pen in the inkwell and filled it. Taking a new sheet of paper, she crafted her reply to Douglas Barrington.
A telegram arrived from Douglas Barrington two weeks later, advising Evie that his friend, Arthur Leighton would be in touch about travel arrangements. Mrs Shipley-Thomas pleaded with Evie to stay, offering her first a bigger bedroom with a view over the garden, then when that failed, a substantial pay rise. Evie was determined to resist such blandishments, telling herself that if her employer valued her so highly she should have offered them before there was the threat of her leaving. When the pleading became anger and resentful silences, Evie knew she had made the right choice. Mrs Shipley-Thomas was governed entirely by self-interest and clearly didn’t give a fig about Evie’s welfare and future. After all, why should she? As the weeks passed, Evie’s fears diminished and her excitement grew. She couldn’t wait to get on the ship and wave goodbye to dreary England and her dreary life.
As soon as a suitable replacement was found within the pages of The Lady, Mrs Shipley-Thomas told Evie she would pay her wages until the agreed leaving date, but she would like her to go now, as Miss Prendergast, the new companion, was willing to start immediately. Relieved to be free of what had become an oppressive atmosphere, Evie took a room in
