The rain stopped just as she entered the square of the Temple of Harmony. Leaving the pram outside, she picked up Hugh and went into the building. It took a while for her eyes to adjust to the gloom. At first she thought the space was empty, jumping when she heard the soft voice behind her.
‘You have brought your child. A beautiful baby. I am very happy for you.’
‘Thank you,’ she said to the monk. ‘He’s seven months old and I’ve been meaning to bring him here to meet you for some time. His name is Hugh.’
The monk studied her face. ‘You have great fortune and yet I see you are still unhappy. Would you like to talk?’
Evie nodded, intensely grateful for the man’s perception. Just being in his presence had a calming effect upon her. She followed him into the anteroom where they had taken tea before.
‘So. Are things still difficult between you and your husband?’
‘My husband is dead.’
The monk nodded, unfazed. ‘He was sick?’
‘An accident. He had a bad fall and got blood poisoning and died in less than forty-eight hours.’
‘I see you are very sad.’
‘Yes. I did everything you said. I tried so hard. I forgave him. We were reconciled.’ She looked at the sleeping child in her arms. ‘He was so happy about the baby. Life together wasn’t perfect, but we had found a way to make it work. I can’t believe he’s gone.’
The monk said nothing, but looked at her expectantly, so Evie stumbled on to fill the silence. ‘It’s so unfair. Unjust. What kind of god strikes a man down at only forty-three? And when he’s recently become a father. What a cruel god to punish us like that.’
The anger welled up inside her. She lowered her eyes. ‘I think it’s a punishment. My husband believed he was being punished for causing the death of his brother when they were children, but he was wrong. God wouldn’t punish him for something that happened accidentally when he was a child – God was actually punishing me.’
‘Why would God punish you?’
She looked up and met his eyes.
‘For loving another man.’ There, it’s out, she thought, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. If she expected a thunderbolt to strike her down, it didn’t happen.
‘You betray your husband with this other man?’ The monk’s gaze was steady.
‘Only in my thoughts. I tried so hard to be a good wife. To put aside my feelings for the other man. I worked hard to make my husband happy.’
‘And you did. You tell me he happy about beautiful baby. Yes?’
‘Yes. He was. He wanted a son desperately.’
‘So why you say God punish you for that? You plan leave your husband for this other man?’
‘No!’
‘I ask again why you think God punish you?’
She looked down, twisting her fingers round each other. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Death is part of life.’ He looked up at her, his eyes kind and his voice calm and reassuring. ‘Without death, is no life. Flowers bloom then die and dying make new growth possible. Watch your son grow. See how he see magic in new things. In things you no more see. He see magic in things you think dull. Look your children. They are future. Husband return to nature. He now part of world around you. He part of your children. You will see husband in son as boy grows. In him, husband lives on in new life. This is the way of the world.’
She stared at the monk. ‘So, I shouldn’t feel guilty?’
‘You learn nothing? Remember what I say you before. To find love you must first learn to love self. Forgive self. Not blame self.’
Evie felt a weight lift off her shoulders.
‘Remember you made husband happy. You good wife. Now you be good mother.’
‘Thank you. I will do my best.’ She was about to take her leave but then blurted, ‘But the other man. He has been good to me and he arranged the funeral. I’ve treated him badly even though he has been a rock to me. Just now he told me loves me and I was angry. I shouted at him.’ She twisted her hands again.
‘Remember to love self. Love self and trust your god. God will help you find peace. Goodbye, daughter.’ He rose to his feet and disappeared behind the curtain.
Evie stared after him, uncertain if she was any the wiser, but feeling a sense of calm that she had lacked when she’d walked into the temple. She planted a kiss on Hugh’s forehead and left the building.
28
The world changed again for Evie in December 1941, with the news of the bombing of Pearl Harbour by the Japanese. Nerves among the expatriate community had been taut since the summer, when the Americans had initiated an embargo of Japanese oil and implemented sanctions and, thanks to Vichy France, the Japanese now had air bases in Indo-China, so the threat had moved dangerously close to Malaya. But with Pearl Harbour and the simultaneous amphibious landings at Kota Bharu on the north east Malay coast near the Thai border, all pretence that the Japanese were not to be taken seriously disappeared. Both the USA and Britain were at war with Japan.
Earlier in the war, the British had been clear that, in theory, the priority for defence after Britain itself, was Malaya
