God, that sounds good. “Yes. Please. But I have to do something first.” There’s no point in putting off telling Chase. Whatever happens with Jasmine, he deserves to spend his senior year of superstardom with a girl who’ll appreciate him. And I’m no longer that girl. “I’ll come back right after, okay?”
She nods, knowing exactly where I’m going. “I’m proud of you, Lara.”
“I’m pretty proud of me too,” I say honestly, “even if this feels kind of horrible.” I get up to get ready, turning away, and something hits me.
She hasn’t asked about the girl.
She didn’t say we’d watch movies while I tell her all about the person who’s stolen my heart. She didn’t ask who could’ve possibly made me forget about Chase Harding. Is that her way of giving me privacy? Or is this her way of keeping it—the truth of me—at a distance?
I want to say something, but I can’t. I don’t know if Jasmine told her parents the real reason she wanted to spend the year with Declan. What if she didn’t? I can’t put my mom in the position of keeping this secret from her dad, and I’m sure as hell not gonna be the one who outs Jasmine either. What if—
“He feels the same way I do, in case you’re wondering,” Mama says softly to my back. “He and Sylvia both do.”
I turn slowly back around. “You knew.”
She shakes her head. “Not exactly. I knew there was something special between you. I saw the way you were together. I saw you turn into a happier, more confident person around her. You wear your love for each other plain as day. I just didn’t know what kind of love. Now I do.”
“But you talked about it with Declan. And he talked about it with Sylvia.”
“Sylvia was the one who first mentioned it, actually, after that weekend you spent at her house. She said she’d never seen Jasmine glow like that. And when Jasmine asked to spend the year here … there’s a reason they gave in easily. I thought maybe it was only on her side, especially after all those years of your crush on Chase, but I see the glow on you too.” She smiles. “It’s beautiful. You’re lucky to have each other.”
“We don’t yet,” I tell her. “But we will. I hope. I don’t know as what. But we’ll figure it out.”
“Yes, you will. Deep breaths, Larotchka. You will get through this.”
I give her a kiss on the cheek, and then I’m off from one scary conversation to the next.
It doesn’t occur to me until I’m ringing Chase’s doorbell that I should’ve given him a heads-up. No matter—he’s the one who answers the door, and he looks unfairly hot in a clingy T-shirt and shorts. For a brief second, I contemplate not going through with this. It would be so easy to keep riding the high of superstardom on Chase’s arm, to keep spending time with this good-looking and charming boy who genuinely likes me. It’s not like Jasmine would tell anyone; she can disappear back to Asheville and I can finish out this perfect year I’ve been having. I can wear my Homecoming crown and cheer at Chase’s games and hold his hand at the movies and pose with him for pictures at prom. I don’t have to blow that all apart.
Except I do. Because when I think about spending those Friday nights watching movies with Jasmine, when I think about Jasmine’s hips beneath my fingertips when we dance, when I think about ice cream dates and road trips and planning for college and making out in the backseat of a car … she’s the person I wanna do all that with.
She’s my top-of-high-school-bucket-list prom date.
It’s that simple, even if it isn’t simple at all.
“Hey! I was just thinking about you.” He drops a kiss on my cheek and steps aside to let me in. “I had a great time last night.”
Well, that’s gonna make this harder. “I’m glad, but I really need to talk to you about something.”
“Oookay.” He closes the door behind me and leads me into his living room. “You want a drink?”
“No, thank you. Can—can we just sit?”
“This sounds serious.” He frowns. “This sounds breakup serious. Are you breaking up with me?”
I hesitate, because that’s really not how I wanted to start this conversation, and anger flashes in his eyes. “Did you seriously hook up with me to become Homecoming queen and then dump me? That’s really fucked-up.”
“No,” I assure him firmly. “God, no, Chase. It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like?” he asks, his voice dipped in acid.
Deep breath. He’s hurt. He’s allowed to be hurt. “This isn’t about Homecoming. You of all people know that I liked you forever. It’s that … there was someone else, and I didn’t really realize it until last night.”
“Hold up. You cheated on me?”
“No!” God, I should’ve prepared this better. I scrub my face with my hands and groan. “I’m sorry; I am doing this really poorly. Let me start over.” Another deep breath. “There was someone before you, and I didn’t understand my feelings, and you came along, and—you’re Chase. I have had a crush on you since I was in Little League with Kira and you were her string bean of a brother sitting on the sidelines. When you were interested in me, it kind of obliterated everything else. It helped me stop thinking about this thing I didn’t wanna think about. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
He scratches the back of his head. “Lara, I gotta be honest—I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
Aaaand I’m officially out of ways to dance around this. Deep breath. “It’s a girl, Chase. I like a girl. I was with a girl this past summer.”
“Uh … whoa.” For the first time since he realized this was the end of our relationship, he doesn’t
