Justin stared. “Lemon yogurt?” He made a face. “That stuff is disgusting.”
“What can I say. It’s a shame I’m not craving something like steak.” She touched the screen. “I miss you so much.” Tears streamed down her face. “I keep up a good front, but this is hard, baby. I wish they’d give you some downtime.”
Another wave of guilt flowed through Justin. Hearing Michelle voice her love for him as he was off fighting a war, leaving her to handle everything on the home front, was almost too much. He closed his eyes. If I don’t tell her, it’s going to eat me alive. Worse, it’ll eat our relationship alive. She doesn’t deserve that. He opened them and stared into the camera. “Hon, I have something I have to tell you.”
“What? What’s wrong?”
Justin gulped. Okay, this is hard. He wished he were back in the cockpit, fighting Leaguers or pirates. Anything else would’ve been preferable. “I did something I’m not proud of. I, uh…” He bit his lip. “I almost kissed a woman under my command. I’m sorry. I didn’t, and I’ve never been alone with her again. I won’t be. I promise.” The words flooded out of his mouth.
“Wait a minute.” Michelle held up her hand. “You almost kissed another woman, but you didn’t? What happened? Who is she?”
“On the trip back from Sol, one night when I couldn’t sleep, I went down to the mess hall, and Feldstein was there too. We talked about the horrible losses the Greengold had taken and all our friends who’d died. One thing led to another, and…”
“I assume you were emotional for once,” she replied dryly.
“Yeah. Sometimes it comes out, you know?”
Michelle’s voice grew soft. “I know, baby. I can’t imagine what you go through out there. You didn’t—”
“No. As God is my witness, no.”
She stared at the screen for several seconds. “Then I forgive you.” Michelle smiled then tilted her head. “Wait. You just invoked God. Who am I talking to again?”
The words of Father Elliott advising Justin to talk to his wife came back into his mind. I suppose he’ll owe me an “I told you so.” “Yeah… that’s another change. I’ve been visiting the chaplain the last few weeks, and I’ve been to a few services.” He swallowed. “I, uh, well… I’ve accepted the idea that the universe isn’t purely random chance.”
“Does that mean you’ve accepted Christ as your savior?”
“No. It’s a bit of a stretch for me to get there yet. But I’ve prayed a couple of times, and…” Justin licked his lips. This is going to sound insane. “I feel like they were answered.”
Michelle stared at him. “Would you tell me what they were?”
The last thing I need to do is scare her to death with combat stories. “Let’s just say that a few times, the chips were down, and I was in a situation I shouldn’t have made it out of. But I did.”
“I would do anything to hold you right now.”
Justin could almost smell his wife’s hair as she spoke. I long to see her and Maggie again. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I feel so guilty about what I almost did. It's been eating me up.”
“Listen to me,” Michelle said. She leaned forward toward the holocamera. “I love you, and more importantly, I trust you to always be honest with me. Will I ask you a few more questions about things for a while? Yes. Do I hold something that almost happened against you? No.”
“Father Elliott told me about the same thing,” Justin admitted sheepishly. “When I was wrestling with what to do.”
“Sounds like a smart guy,” Michelle replied dryly. “You should listen to him more often.”
The relief Justin felt was like a two-hundred-kilo weight being lifted off his back. He redoubled his pledge never to allow himself to ever to be in a similar situation. “How’s the baby?”
“He kicks me constantly, to the point it's hard to sleep.” Michelle again rolled her eyes. “Takes after his father in that regard.”
Justin laughed. “I’ll do everything in my power to be there for his birth.”
“Good. Because I need you here so that I can hold your hand and scream at you for doing this to me.” She giggled before turning serious. “Baby, I know it's going to be virtually impossible for you to take leave. I’ll never hold it against you either. All I ask is you promise me you’ll vidlink in as soon as possible.”
More guilt washed over him at the thought of missing the birth of his son. I should be there. Every father should be there for such a life-altering event. “I’ve already put in for compassionate leave, but Major Whatley told me I’d have a better chance of seeing pigs fly in the vacuum.”
“I figured that something like that would be the response you got.” Michelle tilted her head. “This war’s upended everything, baby. My biggest worries a year ago were where we’d take our next vacation and the schedule for paying off my student loans.” She bit her lip. “Now those things seem so trivial.”
“Most things I used to gripe about in life now seem like the stupidest crap in the universe. It’s certainly given me some perspective.”
“Me too.”
The buzzer indicating they had fifteen seconds left went off.
Justin grumbled. “Another week. Ugh.”
“I got the holoimaging of our son back.” She winked at him. “I’ll use our allotment to send it over tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” Justin grinned. “I’ll put it next to the picture of you and Maggie in my cockpit.”
“I love you, baby. Godspeed.”
Justin touched his fingers to his lips then to the camera. “I love you too. And uh, Godspeed.”
The screen went dark, leaving Justin in silence. What did Father Elliott say? That God wasn’t in guilt, nor did he condemn us. Justin could’ve sworn he heard the chaplain’s voice. God reproves us and convicts us
