Kissing Malice turned into way more. Like all the way more. To me, this was the most beautiful thing to happen in my mind because he’d been my first. The next morning though, I woke up alone and he went back to being cold and distant, if not more so.
Over the weeks that past so much changed. Malice stayed clear of me as much as possible. It got to the point that the moment Hammer let Quinn and I leave the clubhouse to go back to our normal lives, I avoided going back again for anything. I didn’t want to take the chance of seeing Malice with one of those clubwhores, or as I told Avery, they should be called slobber-crawlers.
It had been hilarious the first time I said it. Avery laughed so hard she’d fallen out of her seat. Hammer came over to ask what was going on. Of course, my friend doesn’t keep anything to herself and told him what I said. This had him throwing his head back and laughing alongside his ol’ lady. Avery informed me later on that he’d told his brothers about those skanky women being called slobber-crawlers and they all started using it.
Sighing, I give myself an inward shake of the head and put the car in park. It’s time to put it all behind me. There’s no going back and I couldn’t if I wanted to. It would mean facing Malice again and I’m tired of him hurting me with his coldness. I’ve been through enough in the time I’ve known him. Okay, so not really. But in my life, I have. I was called the geeky nerd farmer girl because I didn’t do anything but study or help my grandpa. I did this because I had no other choice. My mom and stepdad wanted to sell me to a group of people to pay off their debts and my grandpa put a stop to that. Grandpa has always been my hero and because of him, I wanted to do my best to show him I was worth it.
Didn’t matter to me how many times he said I just needed to be me.
Getting out of the car, I press a hand to my stomach and look at the beautiful house that I grew up in. It might look old, but my grandpa takes pride in his home as it’s the heart and soul of this farm. He told me that all of his family grew up here, including my dad. God rest his soul. Inside his picture sits proudly in the foyer with him in his military uniform. I wish I remembered him, but all I have are the memories my grandpa tells me and the pictures of him.
The front door opens, and I smile at the man who comes out the door.
“I might be getting old, but my eyes aren’t fooling me, now are they? My baby girl has come home for a visit finally,” Grandpa says, leaning against the banister.
Smiling, I do my best to hide the emotions within me. “No, Grandpa, your eyes aren’t fooling you. I’m here and it’s not for a visit. It’s time to come home.”
“What do you mean come home?” he demands, not missing a beat as I get closer to him. He might have silver in his dark hair, but my grandpa still looks as healthy as ever. He and my grandma had married young. Like really young and had my dad around the same time. So to say my grandpa isn’t in his sixties is saying something.
“I missed home and need a break from everything else. I need to figure out my next step in life and the best place to do it is right here,” I murmur, holding his eyes.
“Alright, well, I can see it in you, baby girl. The pain you’re trying to hide and the way you’re clutching your stomach. I’ll give you time to tell me, considering you just got home, but when you do, I’ll be here waiting. Love you, kid, and whatever you decide to do is good with me.” I should have known I couldn’t keep it from him.
He’s sharp as a tack and it’s how he got away with negotiating with my mom and stepdad to keep from selling me. They wanted my dad’s life insurance policy. This paid off their debt and got them to leave me alone. Only they didn’t know how much the policy was worth. So he’d only given them a small portion of it.
Sucking in a breath, I try to keep the tears at bay, but I find myself unable to do so. Hurrying up the stairs, I rush into my grandpa’s arms and let the pain out. The pain of knowing Malice doesn’t want me and if he knew, he’d want nothing to do with the child I’m carrying from the one and only time I’d been with him.
How am I going to do this alone when my soul is already split in two?
Chapter One
Malice
Growing up in a family like the one I had, I learned early on that I couldn’t trust anyone that was close to me. I saw it happen time and again to the others around me. My sisters would try to find happiness only to have their hearts shattered. Same goes with my older brother. Because of this, all of them ended up either killing themselves, my sisters, or dying some other way, my brother.
Seeing how they ended up, I decided to play it smart, witnessing all of this at such a young age. I’d actually been the one to find my sisters’ bodies as they swung from the third-floor landing next to each other. In deciding my choice of what to do to protect myself, I hardened myself to not feel for anyone or anything. I left home the day I turned eighteen without looking back.
Anytime my family attempted to contact me, I made
