“Here, here,” she agreed, though her voice sounded rough to her own ears. She cleared her throat and said more firmly, “I shall not stop you. Such justice must be prosecuted, if possible.”
“Thank you,” Anthony said. “I am glad you are not going to attempt to dissuade me.”
“I cannot,” she said, though her heart ached with fear for him. “I can see how powerfully this has affected you, and no child should suffer so. I hate that our society allows such a thing.”
She shook her head, dismayed. “Even my own childhood? There was much trouble in it and all because of the power of my father. It is wrong that any one person should be able to make another person's life so completely miserable. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be in Joe’s position. Thank goodness that he had you to at least care for him.”
Anthony swallowed, and he looked away. Suddenly, it looked as if he was about to throw up his breakfast. He drew in a shuddered breath before he threw his shoulders back, then pushed himself up from the table.
His chair scraped the floor, and suddenly he was making his way from the room. They all watched him go.
Merrill shook his head before he crumpled the paper in his fist. “The loss of the boy? It was particularly brutal for Grey,” Merrill explained. “He suffered terribly after Joe's death. He felt Joe was his responsibility, and somehow he felt that he could protect him from Captain Adams and save him in battle. He wanted Joe to have more from this life than what he had.”
“That's a very noble thing,” she said, even as tears stung her eyes.
“Yes, it is,” Merrill agreed, his face creasing with the awfulness of it all. “But he was not able to fulfill his hopes. And because of that, I don't know if my friend shall ever be able to heal. Until Adams is brought to some sort of justice.”
“Can he be brought to justice?” she dared asked, wondering, given what they had said.
Merrill gave her a tight look. “So far, everything that we have tried has failed. Aside from murdering him on the road now, I'm not entirely certain what might be done. Also, Adams is full of fury at Anthony. I'm not entirely certain that he's not coming here to murder him.”
“I beg your pardon?” she gasped.
Merrill looked as if he had made the gravest of errors in his admission.
“Forgive me,” he rushed. “I should not have said such a thing. I did not mean to frighten you. What a fool I am. I accused my friend of being ungentlemanly, and I am just as bad.”
“You are not being ungentlemanly,” she corrected fiercely, “by telling me the truth. I should wish to be prepared if we are about to be attacked by some wild and mad captain.”
Clara pushed herself back from the table. “Is it true? Shall I warn the servants?”
Merrill gave a nod. “I do think you should warn the servants. Adams very possibly could be coming here. And if I'm honest, we must watch Anthony too. He might make a poor decision. He could easily be lured out to confront Adams. Though he said he would not challenge Adams to a duel, I cannot guarantee that he might not engage in some sort of rash adventure to get his revenge and have justice for Joe.”
Her heart tightened. She could only imagine the pain that Anthony had gone through after the boy's death. She could not ever take that away from him. She could not give him Joe back. Now she began to understand that the pain that he had suffered was not simply the physical pain of a battle. No, he'd suffered far more. He'd lost someone, someone that he cared about and felt that he'd failed them. That sort of guilt was not easily overcome.
She too knew what it meant to fail someone, but Felicity was alive and well and being taken care of somewhere far off in luxury.
Joe?
Poor Joe, she thought to herself. A child who had never gotten to know the luxuries of childhood or the protections of it? No wonder Anthony was in such agony.
She felt rather foolish now for thinking that he should give in to her, that he should have never thrown away what they had. His mind was not where it should be for the pursuit of love. His mind was wracked with grief and pain and suffering.
Someone in the middle of such suffering would not be able to make rational decisions. She easily found herself forgiving Anthony now for the poor choices that he had made, the hurt he’d given her, and she hoped that he would not suffer more at Adams’s hands.
But from Merrill's strained face, she worried perhaps Anthony would make some rash decision, and that was why he had been so insistent that she not be close to him.
He had made it very clear that his future was not to be involved with her. He’d claimed it was because he was an invalid. But given the information she’d just learned, she wondered if it might also be because he had other plans. Plans that might not allow for a wife, let alone happiness.
Was this why?
Because he was so set upon the path of revenge that there could be no happiness for them?
She refused to believe it.
She'd have to help him find some way to find justice, to find peace. She could not bear the idea of Anthony living out the rest of his days in agony over Joe, agony over that battle, and agony over Captain Adams, who made so many miserable.
If Anthony was miserable for the rest of his days, could he not see that Captain Adams had won?
She had to convince him somehow so that he might see the truth of it. She pushed her chair back and started to go
