The word mate implies even more permanence than the word husband. And I wouldn’t be comfortable with the word husband either.
Jessamine is talking happily about everything I’ve been desperate to know since I first met Everette, and I’m barely listening. I’m too busy thinking about Everette and what he means to me. I love him, but does that mean I want forever with him?
“What has you so distracted Farah?” The Mother’s words pull me from my thoughts.
“I-I…”
“You’re thinking about Everette.”
I don’t see much point in trying to deny it. She’d obviously be able to work out that I’m lying. These vampires seem to notice everything. There are no secrets when you’re dating a vampire. The thought causes me to let out an unladylike snort. I quickly cover it with a cough as I giggle to myself at the idea that I’m dating Everette.
We haven’t been on a single date. I really don’t think dating describes our relationship.
“Where has Everette gone?” I ask suddenly as it hits me that I have no idea where he has gone. It shouldn’t surprise me. Everette doesn’t tell me anything.
“To the pub where Hestin was hurt,” Jessamine says, watching me closely.
I’m not sure what she’s looking for exactly, and I almost ask her about it. Except I can’t get past the fact that she just told me that Everette has gone somewhere that might be dangerous. It seems a bit silly and I certainly won’t be telling Jessamine, but I don’t like the unsettled feeling in my stomach at the idea of Everette in danger.
“Why?” I ask, feeling relieved when my voice comes out steadily.
“We need to know who hurt Hestin,” she says simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Surely, he saw who attacked him.”
“Yes, he saw their faces but…”
“Well, if he saw their faces, it doesn’t seem necessary for Everette to go there.” The pitch of my voice is changing and I definitely sound screechy. I don’t like this one bit.
“Aren’t there vampire police?” I ask, barely stopping to take a breath. Even I know I sound ridiculous. Who has ever heard of a vampire police force? Now I know I’ve read too many vampire novels.
“Everette is responsible for the country. This is just part of his duty.”
“I don’t like it.” I get to my feet, moving towards the window. He’s only been gone a few hours, and he said not to expect him back before the early hours, but I can’t help searching for him in the darkness beyond the heavy curtains.
“Yes. I can see that.” She’s laughing at me. Not unkindly. Even so, I don’t like it.
“Why did you send him there?” I ask, abruptly turning to face her.
“I didn’t. Everette doesn’t need me to instruct him how to rule England.”
“Surely, someone else could have gone.”
“Hestin is his son as much as Everette is mine,” Jessamine tells me patiently. “Do you really think he would sit still when his son was nearly killed?”
Obviously, the answer is no, but I’m not about to admit that. Jessamine must see the panic in my eyes though because she takes pity on me, getting to her feet and coming to stand beside me at the window. Her hand takes mine, and she squeezes it gently.
“Everette has been doing this for hundreds of years,” she says soothingly. “I promise you, he is quite capable.”
“I don’t care. I just want him to…” My voice falls away.
“You just want him to come home.”
“Yes.”
“You really care about him, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do. Do you really think I’d be here if I didn’t?”
“I don’t think you’d have much choice. But no, I don’t doubt you’d make things much harder for Everette if you didn’t care for him.”
“I love him,” I tell her. The word care is almost offensive. It doesn’t do justice to how I feel about Everette.
“I know you do.”
“I just don’t know if love is a good enough reason.”
“For what?”
“To become what he is.”
“It seems better than most reasons people give me.”
“Sorry?”
“Usually people who want to become like me, say they want the power or immortality. And those are only the reasons people actually give. More often than not, people’s true motives are far worse.”
“Worse than wanting power over other people?”
“Cruelty. A need to inflict pain. A desire for revenge. Very few people decide to make the change for love.”
“Why?” I can’t help but ask.
Shrugging her shoulders, Jessamine’s smile is almost sad. Her eyes glisten as she says, “Humans and vampires and even the shifters, we’re all alike in one way. We’re all capable of love, but we always lean more towards selfishness.”
“Forever just seems like a very long time. Especially when I’ve only known him a few weeks.”
“I don’t really believe in forever.” Jessamine’s words surprise me. She’s a vampire, for goodness’ sake. How can she not believe in forever? “I might have once, but not now. This existence, no matter your species, eventually it always comes to an end.”
“But your…” I pause, not thinking it would be polite to call her old.
“Old?” She laughs. “Yes, I am. And I have loved the way you do now. When Kirdem died, I realised forever was impossible. I don’t want forever. When he was alive, I wanted nothing more than to live forever with him by my side.”
I watch her closely. She looks on the verge of tears. Tears that threaten to engulf her with a powerful onslaught of emotions beyond which I can imagine. I’ve never seen such immense pain in another person’s eyes before.
“Not now though. Now I’m waiting for death to come for me.” Her voice cracks and I instinctively reach out for her, wanting to show this incredibly powerful
