“A hundred percent certain. There’s nothing about you anywhere. Trust me, I’ve been searching for two years. If there was anything, I’d know.”
“How is that possible?” I said, fists clenched. “Somebody must be wondering where I am. A partner—”
“You’re not wearing a ring—”
“Maybe not a wife then, but a girlfriend? A friend? My boss? Don’t I have a job?”
Maya sat down, put her hands flat on the table. “I have a theory. It might sound a bit out-there, but what if you were in Maryland somewhere on vacation?”
“On my own?” I shot back. “What do you think I was doing, taking a spiritual trip to find myself or something?” I almost laughed at the irony, but given the circumstances, it wasn’t remotely funny.
“Maybe you were traveling solo,” Maya said, her voice calm, making me wonder how hard she had to try to stop herself from telling me I was acting like a jerk. “It’s possible, plenty of people do. Perhaps you were meeting someone there. What if you lived, I don’t know, in South Dakota or Wyoming or somewhere? For all we know you were staying in Alaska. To your point of having a boss and friends, they might not even realize you’re missing yet.”
“But why would I—”
“Hear me out. If you were on a beach on the first day of a week’s solo vacation, nobody would know you’re gone yet, especially if you were renting a place and not staying in a hotel, and—” Maya let out a yelp and rushed to the stove, where she pulled the pan off the burner. “Balls, the eggs are ruined.” She turned to me, heaving a sigh. “God, I feel so useless, and now I’m coming up with all these ridiculous theories, confusing you even more.” She took a few breaths, pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “After we’ve seen the doctor I’ll go and pick up a few things at the grocery store. Give you some space.”
“I’ll come with you. It’ll be good to get into town and have a look around. Maybe you could show me my old haunts, see if anything comes rushing back.” I forced a grin that didn’t fit my face all too well, but I made it stay there all the same. “You know, fingers crossed and all that.”
“Maybe that’s not a good idea until Dr. Adler has cleared you. You shouldn’t be overexerting yourself. I’ll drop you off, grab some food, and when I come back you can help with my driftwood pieces in the garage. I have a couple of candleholders to varnish. You used to help me with my projects all the time.”
“Did I?”
“Yeah. We’d go to the beach and collect stuff together. Maybe we could go tomorrow if the doc says it’s okay. You know, start small, local to the house.”
I looked at her, a row of virtual pennies dropping one after the other, a metallic crescendo resounding in my head. “Hold on a sec. This is about Keenan, isn’t it? You don’t want me going to town in case I run into him.”
“Yes, that, too.” She turned away, put the pan in the sink and filled it with water as she continued talking over her shoulder. “But I’m more worried you’ll get overwhelmed and it’ll make things worse.”
“What if I—”
She whirled around. “No, Ash, please. This is hard for me, too, you know. I hate not knowing what happened to you. I thought...I thought you were dead. I’d almost accepted it. I mourned you.”
I saw her big gray eyes fill with tears as she bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. All this time I’d been focused on myself, how frustrated and angry I was at my memory being wiped clean. I hadn’t considered Maya for more than a few seconds. I tried to justify my selfishness somehow but couldn’t. I’d been treating her, the person who could provide me with many of the answers I was searching for, like utter shit. Seeing the dark shadows under her eyes now and hearing the edge in her voice...she probably hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in years, and that was all on me. I’d left. Abandoned her. Whoever I was in the past, I’d been an egotistical prick. I got up, and after hesitating a little, kissed the top of her head, noticing how her hair smelled of pine cones. “I wish I could explain everything that’s happened, but I can’t. Not yet.”
“I know,” she whispered, squeezing me hard.
Maya went upstairs to get ready for our trip to the doctor’s while I cleaned up the kitchen of a house in which I should’ve known every nook, cranny and squeaky floorboard, but where all felt unfamiliar and strange.
When I saw her laptop on the kitchen table, I decided to run a quick search of my own and lifted the lid, squinting at the bright light. When the password prompt appeared, I closed it again. I wouldn’t have been able to guess my own security settings, let alone take a stab at my sister’s. As I leaned back in my chair, I thought about her theory of me being on holiday alone, decided it was plausible, even if it meant nobody would be searching for me yet.
“Are you ready?” Maya said as she came downstairs, and when she pulled the car keys from her pocket, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. As she moved ahead of me I picked it up, turned it over and saw it was a receipt from a pharmacy for a bottle of Benadryl.
“Do you have hay fever?” I said, unsure how I knew that’s what the medicine was for, but grateful for the random fact leaping from the depths of my brain nonetheless.
“It’s been awful this year,” she said as she opened the door, before spinning around and almost bumping into me, her face filled with excitement. “Oh, my God, you remember?”
“Uh, yeah.” I nodded and made all the right
