“Did she tell you she was in Maryland?”
“I don’t remember.”
Without warning, my anger erupted, all of it directed at my sister. I turned to her, felt my face contort itself into an ugly mask as I shouted, “Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me about this? Why didn’t you think it was important? Are you kidding me?”
Maya swallowed hard and blinked three times and, in that moment, I hated myself for making her look so scared, but I couldn’t help it. It was as if she’d pushed a button I didn’t even know I had.
“Listen,” she said quietly. “I had no idea she was looking for you. With everything going on it didn’t seem relevant and it must’ve slipped my mind. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with you remembering things that aren’t true and forgetting things I’ve told you.”
So was I, but right now, mixing up the times of her shifts or incorrectly remembering my father’s favorite sport, which according to Maya he’d pretended to like only for my benefit, both paled in comparison. “You should have told me Lily called,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even. “I can’t believe I was living in Maryland, had a girlfriend but said my name was Jack. Why did I lie? What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything, Ash.”
I wanted to ask how she could possibly know what I had or hadn’t done in the time since I’d been away from Newdale, and even before. Maybe I had done something to drive Celine away. Perhaps I’d hurt Kate somehow, too. If I had, I wouldn’t have told Maya, would I? There was no way she’d have stuck by me if I’d harmed someone. I’d disappeared from town and moved south where I’d given Lily—my new girlfriend, apparently—a false name. Nobody did that unless they were trying to escape from something, not unless they had something to hide. I sat in silence, wrestling with it all, forcing my anger back into a box and shoving it down my throat. “Have you told me everything, Maya?” I said, turning to her. “Did you leave anything out because you’re trying to protect me?”
“No.”
“Because if you are—”
“I’m not.”
“Are you sure? I need you to level with me, because I can’t go on this way.”
She reached for my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, her touch feeling like a red-hot poker. “Maybe we can ask Dr. Adler to give you something to help you cope with all this stress.”
“That’s a hard no,” I said, shrugging her off. “I’m not taking anything. My head’s already fuzzy enough, you said so yourself. Some days I feel like I’m going backward.”
We drove on in silence until we arrived at Dr. Adler’s, where he ushered us into the same consultation room. When he asked how I was doing, I snapped, “I’m sure I’ve had better days, but I can’t remember them.” I knew I was being a complete dick but really didn’t care. I wanted him to take the bait so I had an excuse to be an even bigger one.
He sat back in his chair and crossed his legs, revealing a pair of Scooby-Doo socks. When he followed my gaze, he smiled. “Christmas gift from my wife. She does it every year without fail. I have quite the cartoon collection. But back to you, Ash. Your frustration is normal.”
“Sure, I get that,” I said, “but it doesn’t help much, does it?”
“Ash,” Maya said, “we’re not the enemy.”
I exhaled, apologized, and with some gentle prodding from Maya, explained about the new flashbacks, the general state of my memory and, most importantly, Lily arriving in Newdale.
“Well, the confusion you’re experiencing sounds completely normal given the circumstances,” Dr. Adler said. “But if you’re concerned, we can run some more blood tests to be sure.”
“I’m fine,” I said, waving a hand. “You already did some.”
“Do you think we should, Dr. Adler?” Maya said, ignoring me, and I suppressed a sigh. “Can we make sure no underlying issue has cropped up since last time? I really think we should, just in case. I can pay, it’s no problem.”
“Absolutely, we can, if you’re in agreement, Ash?”
I was about to protest again when I took in the dark circles under Maya’s eyes and reminded myself how difficult this situation was for her. She’d become a glorified babysitter since she’d been called to the petrol station. Whether she was working in the garage, running errands or at the restaurant, she always worried what I was doing, where I was and if I’d still be there when she came back. With no job and no money, I’d put a financial burden on her, too. The least I could do was let them run some more tests to make sure I really wasn’t sick. I rolled up my sleeve.
“Have at it,” I said.
As Maya excused herself and went to the bathroom, Dr. Adler set about half emptying me as he filled multiple vials with blood. “Try to relax,” he said quietly.
“Maybe you could tell Maya to relax,” I said before holding up my hand. “Sorry. I think my, uh, girlfriend turning up spooked her.”
Dr. Adler swapped out a full vial for another. “I’d imagine you’re a little spooked, too.”
I listened for Maya’s footsteps, and when I heard none, said, “Not exactly. I’m more excited. Anxious. Bewildered. I don’t remember Lily, at least I don’t think so.” I pressed my eyes shut and recalled the bracelet with a heart-shaped charm on her wrist, almost certain I’d seen it before. “I can’t figure out if the bits I remember are real or if it’s because I’m desperate.”
As he withdrew the needle and pressed a cotton ball into the crease of my arm, he said, “I saw in the notes Dr. Soares talked
