“It’s not easy for any of us...but can I ask, have you told the police about finding Ash?”
She shifted in her seat. “No, not yet.”
“I’d say it’s best if we don’t,” I said. “At least until he’s feeling a bit better.”
“I’m not sure—”
“Just for a while, please. What my brother needs right now is space and rest, not to be hauled in for questioning about why he was living under a false identity. Let’s not do that to him. I’m sure you understand he’s completely overwhelmed. Before he went out, he told me he needs a break.”
Her eyes flashed. “From me?”
I paused for a while before answering. “I’m sure that’s not what he meant...”
“I need some time,” she said, getting up, her voice filling with panic as she took a step toward the door. “Coming here early wasn’t a good idea after all. I need to think things through before I speak to him. I—I’d like to come back tomorrow morning instead. Around nine? I’ll give you my number in case that doesn’t work for...Ash.”
Was that strike three? Was she hoping it wouldn’t work for him, and this was her way out? Would she even come tomorrow? The seeds of doubt had been planted and were already taking root, getting ready to bloom. I could see it in her demeanor, the way she looked like she couldn’t wait to turn and bolt out the door. With any luck she’d drive straight to Maryland without looking back, leaving Ash here, where he belonged. With me.
After Lily scribbled down her details, she left without saying a proper goodbye. I closed the door and rested my back against it, let the relief of my actions seep in. When I caught a glance of myself in the hallway mirror, I smiled. Ever since I was a kid, I’d known what people saw when they looked at me: long, lanky legs, skeletal frame, black fluffy hair and enormous eyes. Waifish and elfin were two words often used to describe me. I’d loathed and detested them for their synonymy with weak. Except I knew now they’d always been to my advantage. They were why people underestimated me.
21
LILY
Not long after I’d left Ash and Maya’s place—was that how I’d have to refer to it as of now, their place?—my mood flipped from despondent to enraged. I was relieved Maya had agreed to my returning in the morning because if I saw Ash now, there was no telling what I might say or do to him. He’d been considered a suspect in Kate’s death? How could he have kept something like that from me? No, I’d never told him about my sordid past, but I’d been convicted, he hadn’t. I’d had more to hide...hadn’t I?
My feelings shifted again, my heart pounding as I pulled over, rested my head on the steering wheel and shut my eyes, willing myself to wake up from this incessant freak show and go back to my normal life where Ash was Jack and we were happy, and I was blissfully ignorant.
I didn’t move until a short pap-pap of a horn sounded in my ears. A red Subaru WRX had pulled up next to me, and the huge red-haired guy I’d seen at the Cliff’s Head earlier, now sporting a pair of shiny aviator sunglasses, had rolled down his window, and gestured for me to do the same. “Are you okay?” he said when I’d complied.
“Y-yes, I’m fine.” I tried a smile, which probably looked like a hideous grimace.
“You sure? Need directions or anything?”
My smile felt a little more natural this time, the amiability of small towns warming my heart. “No, thanks. I know where I’m going.” At least geographically speaking, I wanted to add.
“All right then.” He gave me a grin and a small salute as he set off again.
The random act of kindness stirred up my emotions, releasing another wave of feelings I didn’t know what to do with. “Jack lied to me,” I whispered. “Damn it. I mean Ash. Ash. Ash.” I was shouting now, bellowing in my car, and pounding my steering wheel with my palms. Once my nerves and anger all subsided enough for me to drive without crashing into a utility pole, I started up the engine. As I headed for the motel, I tried convincing myself I hated my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend?—and should pack up and leave town, but my desire to understand who he was and somehow come to terms with why he’d lied, triumphed.
Did I still love him, though? Could I? The potential answers terrified me, so I turned my thoughts to Maya. Despite the lies and half-truths I’d uncovered about Ash, I could feel a large part of me was jealous of his stepsister. Resentful he’d found his way back here to her and not to me. Hurt he had no recollection of who I was. It was unreasonable and churlish, and there was no time for any of it. I decided to ignore the part of my brain screaming at me to flee Maine and pretend none of this was happening. Not an option. I had to help him, which meant I couldn’t go home, not yet. I’d only found Ash again today, and we’d barely spoken. There were too many open questions, so much I needed to know, even more so after what I’d learned from Fiona and Maya.
Besides, Ash would now be expecting me in the morning and that gave me enough time to sort through my seemingly endless thoughts. No, running away wasn’t an option. Not when I still had some kind of feelings for him, and not until I discovered the truth. Staying was the only way to know for sure if we had any kind of future—and if I wanted one—or if our relationship had died in the ocean on the night everyone thought he’d
