I made the call, agreeing with Patrick I’d take two days off, and when he asked me about Lily I said, “I don’t know what to say about her.” Dropping my voice to a whisper I added, “But I don’t think it’s going to work out between her and Ash. It’s such a shame.”
Next, I went to the laundry room and fished Lily’s favorite sweater out of the hamper, where I’d hidden it earlier that morning. “Ash,” I said, walking into the kitchen. “This is Lily’s. I’m going to drop it off.”
“I’ll go,” he said.
“You could do without seeing each other right now. I’ll hand it in at the front desk.”
He didn’t argue, which I took as another victory. The damage was done. Hiding the cash, jewelry and pills hadn’t just put a dent in their relationship, I’d taken a sledgehammer to it. A couple could never recover from this kind of destruction. I walked over, and put my arms around him, hugging him hard. I’d hated giving him the Benadryl in his beer that night, even though he hadn’t drunk it, and slipping him the benzos this last week had been torture, but it had been the only way.
“I’m sorry. I know you were hoping things would work out for you both,” I said.
“It’s not your fault,” he said. “Looks like it’s you and me against the world again.”
As I went to kiss him on the cheek, he turned his head at the same time, and when my lips brushed against his neither of us moved. Everything seemed to stand still.
I’d waited for another moment like this for so long. Years and years of pretending and patience, buried yearning, love and desire—all of it building and building from the first time I’d set eyes on Ash. I’d had to endure watching him with other girls. Tried to hide my shame of wanting a boy who was my stepbrother. I’d put up with the taunts and gibes and chants when word had got out at school. Believed it wasn’t right, it wasn’t normal, I was sick in the head.
I’d had a string of boyfriends who hadn’t looked like him, and another string who had. And still. Nothing I’d done had been able to sway my feelings for him. He’d stolen my heart and carried it with him ever since. I’d promised him—and myself—I’d do anything for him, and that would never change. Standing there now, I wanted to slide my arms around his neck, pull him closer and press my chest against his. I wanted him to do to me what I’d watched him do to Lily in the garage. As he’d thrust deeper and deeper inside her, I’d imagined it was me. His hands on my breasts, his fingers between my legs, him whispering my name.
It felt like our lips had touched for an eternity, but it was only the briefest of nanoseconds before Ash jerked his head back. “Wow, talk about awkward. Sorry, Bee.”
A volcano of heat rushed to my face. After everything I’d done for us, nothing had changed. He’d always see me as his little sister, even though we weren’t related by blood. How long would it take for him to realize the one person he needed stood in front of him?
I almost laughed. I’d been here, waiting for him for almost twenty years. Before I could stop it, blind fury washed over me, slamming into my core. When would he finally see what I’d known forever to be the truth? We belonged together, end of story. I didn’t want to wait anymore. I wouldn’t continue being second, third or fourth best. I was done. We would have our happily-ever-after, I’d make sure of it. But not yet, not just yet.
“No harm done,” I said, compressing my anger into a tiny little box hidden deep inside me along with another I’d filled with all the secret longing I had for Ash. “How are you feeling?”
He let out a breath. “Furious. Confused. Hurt. Exhausted.”
I nodded, gave him my very best sympathetic smile and made my next move. “I’m glad you found out the truth about her sooner rather than later. And I’m glad she’s gone. She couldn’t be trusted, obviously. She’d never have covered for you the way I did.”
I saw his breath hitch. “Covered for me? For what?”
I made my face fall and turned away, pretending to be flustered. “Nothing, forget I even—”
“Maya.” The fierceness in his voice surprised me. It was low, almost a growl, a warning I was to deliver the truth. His eyes darted over my face, his expression filled with fear, his eyes pleading. It was exactly how I needed him to be. Vulnerable, exposed and dependent on me. My strategy, telling him some truths, was another gamble, but if I did it properly...
“I lied,” I said. “The night Kate died, I lied about where you were.”
He looked like he might throw up or sink to his knees, but he did neither as he stared at me, his hands shaking. “We went for a drive,” he said. “You and me. Together. That’s what you told me.”
“I know, but it wasn’t true. I went to the beach looking for driftwood and you said you were going out alone because you were angry with Kate. You said you had to sort things out in your mind.”
“Angry about what?” he said, but I looked away. “Maya, why was I angry?”
“Because she slept with Keenan,” I said quietly. “She cheated and you found out the day before because...because I told you.”
He ran his hands through his hair, and
