So I turn around all the way in my chair, straddling the back and say, “So why don't you want Elisha to know?”
So he puts down his pencil, and he tells me about the bad situation with his ex-girlfriend until Ms. Hoole comes in, and I listen. I really listen.
27
“Hi,” I say.
My mother keeps doing the dishes without turning around. “Hey. You bring my car back?”
“Yeah. You didn't really need it today,” I add. I can't help it.
“Is that right.”
“It's your day off.”
She's still drying a bowl, but she slows down, dishrag barely skimming the surface. “Didn't know you knew that.”
“I know you,” I say.
She puts the bowl down then and turns around. “I was worried about you.”
“You got my message, right?”
“Yeah. You didn't exactly say much.”
“Didn't have much to say.”
“You were with them?”
I shrug. It's enough of an answer.
“You're too young to be having sleepovers with your boyfriend,” she says. “Regardless of any...situation. You know that.”
“Nothing happened,” I say.
She believes me, I can tell.
That means something.
“I get that you don't know anyone who's done this,” I say. “When I first heard about it was pretty weird for me too. And I didn't think it was possible to love two people at once. But it is. I know it now.”
She crosses her arms and hitches her shoulders up, like she's protecting herself.
“You know that now too,” I say. “It's been just us forever and now you're getting married. We grew up just loving one person.”
“That's not the same,” she says.
“But it's close enough,” I say. “I love you. I love Aanya. You've loved Dominic for a long time, he's loved you and Alexis. And if...I mean, if he didn't love Alexis, that would affect you, and I'm...you know, I love him because you love him.”
That softens her some, I can tell. But of course I love him, Mom. He takes care of you. He takes care of me. Of course I do.
“It's never just two people anyway,” I say. “You literally brought me with you when you got married, and he not literally brings all the baggage he has from his first marriage, and you brought your dead boyfriend and...it's never just two people in a vacuum. There's no such thing as a relationship with just two people.”
“I thought he broke up with that other girl,” she says.
“He did, but....they might get back together, and even if they don't, she's always going to be there. There's never just two people. We're just...really far on one end of that spectrum, I guess.”
She still hasn't said anything, and at this point I'm pretty disappointed, because I think that's about all I have to say.
“I'm going to clean my room,” I say. “Give you some time to...yeah.”
“Okay,” she says, softly.
I head upstairs and sit on my bed and take a lot of deep breaths. Just a couple minutes later there's a small knock on my door, and I think that was a pretty short coping time, but I say “Come in,” and it's Alexis who peeks in. She's in her pajamas from her nap, her hair all over the place, eyes still sleepy.
“Hey, princess,” I say. “Did I wake you up?”
She shakes her head and says, “I had an accident.”
“Oh. In bed?”
She nods.
“Do you want me to get your dad?” This is an empty offer, really, because Dominic isn't home from work. But I don't know what else she could want from me, considering she doesn't like me.
But she shakes her head and holds out her arms to me.
Okay then.
I pick her up and try to ignore the fact that there's now a pee-soaked child on my hip. I carry her into the bathroom and run a bath and help her peel off her clothes.
“I used to wet the bed when I had bad dreams,” I tell her. “Did you have a bad dream?”
She's quiet for a minute, then says, “Why are Sara and Daddy so mad?”
“Aw, that's my fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry.” I help her into the bathtub. “Here you go.”
“Are they gonna get divorced?” she says.
I'm about to explain that they're not married yet before I realize how incredibly that isn't the point. And then I look at this girl, big eyes and messy hair, and God, this has been an incredibly hard year for her. Her mom got remarried. Now her dad is. There are new people at both her houses. She probably barely remembers her parents splitting up, and now she has to be scared that it's going to happen again.
Of course she's in a bad mood all the time. How could she not be?
“Don't tell my daddy, okay?” she says.
“That you had an accident?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I won't tell him. You gonna drown if I leave you in here for a minute?” I ask her.
“No.”
“Good.” I come back with a pair of fresh pajamas and dry her in her favorite panda towel before I dress her again. I kiss the top of her head. “Good job,” I say.
“On not drowning?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.”
“Back to bed?” I suggest, and she nods and takes my hand and leads me back to her room. She tugs me up on the bed with her, so I follow. I'm not about to mess this up.
“Tell me stories,” she says, and she tucks herself into my ribcage, and I don'tkno2 any stories, really, so I just talk about swans and elves and porcupines until she falls asleep. It seems to work.
Dominic comes in maybe half an hour later. If he's surprised to see me, he doesn't show it. I
