I’ve only known her a couple of weeks, but I’ve never seen Pinkie in anything more than a miniskirt and tank top, she’s usually in some kind of skimpy bikini thing.
“I should ask you that, are you okay?” I ask, finally speaking.
She pulls her lips in and rolls them around a few times before a fresh wave of tears roll down her cheeks. I don’t know what to do. I stare at her in shock, wondering if there’s anything that I can do. I don’t know how to comfort anyone, I’ve never done that before and nobody has ever done it to me either.
“I’m not, but I will be tomorrow. I just need the day,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Why?” I stupidly and insensitively ask.
She releases her lips, then curves them up into a grin. “You really are awkward and sheltered, aren’t you?” she asks, but she’s not angry. I can tell that much, she’s smiling and even lets out a small giggle.
“I really am,” I agree.
“Nobody really knows my story. Nobody but Jaguar and Dragon, maybe a few of the older guys,” she whispers. “Mainly because they were probably here when I rode in and landed in this clubhouse a stupid assed twenty-four-year-old.”
“How long have you been here?” I ask. Looking at her, I thought she was in her late twenties, but now I wonder.
“Eight years, to the day.” She answers with a nod. “Twenty-four and angry at the world. I had nothing, nobody, and I’d just had a very traumatic experience. My man had tried to kill me, he thought he succeeded.”
“Pinkie,” I exhale and shift a little closer to her, but I don’t leave my bed. She needs space, I can feel that.
“When I say that I have issues, they’re a mile long. Doesn’t matter how all that came to be, just know that I was hurting and angry. I’d had a baby, tried to raise her, but couldn’t do it. I gave her up to a hell that I knew would eventually kill her. I was selfish. I ran, lasted all of six months before I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’d completely broken.”
“How did you end up here?” I ask, completely engrossed in her story.
I don’t even realize that she’s staring off into space, she’s not even here, she’s back there, twenty-four years old and broken. She’s quiet for a long time and I think that she’s done talking, that she doesn’t want to say anymore and as much as I want to push her, I decide it’s best not to.
Then she speaks, her voice is far away, monotone, and sad as she tells the rest of her story. “I was running around with a rough crowd. I didn’t know them very well. Anyway, they said they were going to party and the way they said it, I knew it was bad. I went with them anyway. I was barreling straight into whatever was in front of me, no fucks given.”
Pulling my feet up, I rest my cheek on my knees and watch her. She’s so sad looking and with no makeup, the way that she is right now, she looks twenty years younger. She looks so young. Small, lost, and scared.
“We came here. Except Dragon and all of them, they were all just a few years older than me back then. They weren’t in charge, they were young, dumb, and full of cum. And they were beautiful. I wanted them, all of them, and as soon as they saw me, they wanted me too. So, I partied with them.
“Sex, drugs, booze, I stayed for days. They all just melted together, day after day. Until I woke up from my stupor. And when I realized the date, it had been six months and it was the anniversary of the day I left. I had a complete breakdown. I lost my shit and Jaguar was the only one around at the moment.”
Pinkie goes on, she tells me how Jaguar talked her down off the ledge, how he held her when she cried. She tells me that they’re bonded because of that moment. Bonded in a way that she will always love him.
My heart cracks into a million pieces, because the story is so beautiful. I can see that she truly does love him, and I wonder why he doesn’t claim her. She’s perfect for him, and he’s perfect for her.
“I’m not telling you this to be a mean girl, to be a bitch or anything. I’m telling you because you need to know that he’s capable of true love. Even if you can’t always see it, you need to know that it’s there.”
“Why?” I ask, trying not to sound snappy, but I have no doubt that it comes out that way.
Her lips curve up into a smile and her eyes almost dance. “It may take him a little while, he may not seem like he does, but he’s falling in love with you, Pamela.”
“Me?” I breathe.
How can this woman tell me how much she loves Dylan, then in the same breath tell me that he’s falling in love with me, all with a smile on her lips? My eyes search her face, I look for any sign of malice or deceit, but she looks genuine and I’m confused.
“You, honey. I completely approve of it too.”
“I thought you said you loved him?” I ask on a whisper feeling so self-conscious that I can’t even stand myself.
Pinkie laughs softly, shaking her head. “I do love him, but not like that.”
“But you’ve had sex with him?” I ask.
She hums, nodding her head. “I’ve had sex with all of them. I like who I am, Pamela. I don’t want to be an Old Lady. I am perfectly happy with my position as it stands. I love all of these men, but Jaguar has a special place in my heart. But my place will never be on the back of his or anyone else’s bike. Maybe
