An hour later, even though the Lizzy monster had remained relatively quiet except for the odd crash and short-lived bouts of minor destruction, I was ready to forgo the sensible option. I appreciated that I wasn’t the only person with problems, but I’d been banking on help arriving before now. If I’d had any viable alternatives, I’d have taken them.
I kept reminding myself that it was better to trust knowledge than luck. Unfortunately, my knowledge about what was happening to Lizzy was comparable to that of a slug.
When the doorbell finally rang, echoing tinnily through the large house, I all but sprinted to answer it. I heard a brief howl from Lizzy at the sound but thankfully it was short-lived; the last thing I needed was for the police to be scared off before they even crossed the threshold.
I flung open the door, a ready smile on my face. It quickly disappeared; this wasn’t the cavalry, it was a lone woman wearing a grubby, over-sized T-shirt and jeans.
‘You’re not the police.’
She met my gaze head on. ‘I’m the Community Liaison Officer responsible for this locality,’ she said. ‘The police, as I’m sure you understand, are rather busy at the moment with the army in town and all the … strange goings-on over the last twenty-four hours. I’m here in their place until they can visit.’
Something about this wasn’t right. Even with my mind preoccupied with Lizzy’s situation, there was something off about it. I frowned at her. ‘Show me your identification.’
Her expression didn’t flicker. ‘I don’t have it on me,’ she told me, holding her palms up to admit the mistake. ‘It was eaten by a pink elephant.’
I blinked. Was that the same one from the television? Or was there a horde of the things rampaging round the streets? ‘You saw a pink elephant?’
‘Yeah,’ she nodded. ‘It snatched my ID and lanyard with its trunk and ran away.’ She leaned in. ‘I didn’t know elephants could run but that thing moved pretty darned fast.’
I recalled a holiday I’d had to Kenya a few years previously when I’d made a bet with our local guide that a young elephant calf wouldn’t be able to outrun the lioness that was stalking it. I’d lost. See what I mean about knowledge and luck?
The memory relaxed me. ‘They might not look graceful,’ I said, ‘but they can shift when they want to.’
I looked the woman up and down, noting her brilliant green eyes. ‘Hang on. I recognise you from the police station.’ So despite her dodgy tale about ID-munching mammals, she did work with the coppers. I breathed out. This wasn’t some badly timed minion of Max’s out for my blood. ‘I do know you. We met in the toilets.’
The green-eyed woman smiled. ‘Yeah. You told me that weight lifters can lift more in blue-painted gyms.’
I smiled back. ‘I’m full of odd facts like that. It’s amazing what a little knowledge can do when you’re betting.’
‘Betting? You’re a gambler?’
Careful, Charley, I warned myself. It was vital not to give too much away. ‘Only occasionally. And always legally, of course.’
‘Of course.’ The woman licked her lips, displaying a flash of underlying menace that was so brief I wondered if I’d imagined it. It wasn’t that she was directing any antipathy towards me per se, but I had the definite sensation that if I chose to cross her things could go very badly for me indeed.
‘So the reason you called the police…’ she said, almost purring the words in her strange accent.
Lizzy, I told myself. Whoever this woman really was, this was about Lizzy. ‘I’ll show you,’ I told her. ‘She’s this way.’ It would be easier to let her see what the situation was, rather than attempting to explain it.
‘Nice place,’ she said, once she was inside the hallway.
‘I won it,’ I informed her with a shrug as I led the way to the living room. ‘Poker. Although it’s more trouble than it’s worth,’ I lied. I didn’t want to appear too blasé about my house. I knew that my baked beans and instant coffee lifestyle didn’t match the bricks and mortar of my home. ‘I can barely afford the council tax and something is always breaking down. The plumbing is a nightmare.’ I bit my lip. ‘And now there’s this.’ I pushed open the door to reveal what was beyond.
I spotted what I reckoned was the first genuine emotion on the woman’s face. Her mouth dropped open in a mixture of horror, shock and, oddly, guilt.
Lizzy swung her head towards us. I tensed, worried that she was going to stage another attack. This time, though, she looked pathetically sad. Her large paws held an empty plate from one of the many snacks I’d thrown in her direction over the last hours.
‘I called the RSPCA,’ I explained, ‘but they’ve got their hands full. I have a few friends in the police force who said they’d send someone to help.’ Although my attempt at the truth had encouraged nothing more than disbelief on the part of the RSPCA call-centre operator, I felt like I shouldn’t lie. Not about Lizzy. Not when the green-eyed woman might try to kill her.
I drew in a breath. ‘Besides, I don’t think this is an animal. I think it’s my housemate. Unless it’s eaten her. That’s always possible.’
The woman swallowed. ‘Your housemate?’
‘Lizzy. She’s from Brisbane, Australia. She’s been studying in Manchester for a couple of years or so and I let her kip here. I’ve got plenty of room and the rent, when she pays it, is welcome.’ I hesitated. ‘Watch her lips.’
The woman tilted her head and frowned. ‘Uh…’
‘I’m an expert in lip reading,’ I said. ‘It helps with scoping out the lay of the land when I’m preparing for a big bet. I can read trainers’ words from a hundred metres away. I’ve managed to avoid several
