This is what I want—a noisy, messy dinner table filled with family and the people I love.
Tomorrow I need to clean up this mess so that I can make a life like this for Asha and me.
We finish up dessert as the night is creeping in, and the noises of the forest are awake and getting louder.
“Time for baths and bed for you two horrors.” Cassie picks up Eli out of the highchair, and Bessy crawls up onto Asha’s lap, hoping it will get her out of it. Taking her chance, Asha hugs her tightly, closing her eyes, and I know she’s soaking in the innocence of the little girl.
“Come here, Bessy, so I get my cuddle,” I tell her. “I hope you didn’t use up all the good cuddles on Asha.” To which Asha pokes me in the arm as if to say watch it, but she’s not about to stop the kids’ procession to the bedroom.
“Just remember you love Kurt the best, out of everybody in the whole wide world,” I tell her as I too hug her as tightly as I can without breaking her.
“You’re silly.” Her hands on her hips, she protests my comment. “Goodnight, see you tomorrow,” she yells as she is skipping off down the hallway to the bathroom.
I want to reply and agree, but instead, all my words catch in my mouth just like Asha’s, and we just watch her instead in silence. Slipping my arm around Asha’s shoulders and pulling her towards me, I see a single tear run down her cheek.
Every time she gets settled and happy in a place, her nightmare yanks it out from underneath her again.
In my head I make her a promise that this time is the last one.
The next place she calls home, I hope it’s with me and Coco by her side.
Although I love the ocean, I don’t care where that home is, as long as we are together.
After saying our goodbyes to Cassie and Eli, we agree to meet Ghost in the morning at the car to head out and put our plan into action.
The walk back to the cabin, in the dark and cocooned by the sounds of the night, is quite peaceful. Normally Asha is tense in the dark, but tonight she is mellow and just taking everything in.
For someone who talks a lot, Asha is silent as we take a shower together, washing each other tenderly but not in a sexual way, just happy to be close by. We put the few things into our bag so we’ll be ready in the morning. Packing away Asha’s laptop for Ghost to keep here in safe keeping, finally we crawl under the covers together.
“Big day.” I feel like it’s just the beginning, but in another way, it’s the beginning of the end.
“Yeah, it was hard to say goodbye. It’s the part I hate. I always seem to be saying goodbye when I’ve only just said hello.” Asha’s breath whispers across my chest as she tells me her inner thoughts.
“Then I’d better make sure it’s the last time you have to say goodbye, and from now on, instead they are only the words ‘see you soon.’”
“I like the sound of that.” As she pauses in her thoughts, I can almost hear her brain turning. “Kurt, can we talk about the next few days?”
I try not to tense my body at all, to give away the apprehension her question raises. “Sure, is there something you’re worried about?” Her hand runs over my chest slowly, playing in my chest hair. Normally it would feel so electrifying but tonight it’s just pure love in her touch.
“No, I understand everything that’s going to happen, but I think we need to talk about something else.”
Now my mind is the one churning. “Okay,” I reply tentatively.
Leaning up on her forearms on my chest, she looks me straight in the eyes and lays it out, plain and simple. “If this all turns to shit and it comes down to my life or yours, I don’t want you to risk yours for me.”
I sit bolt upright so quickly I almost throw her off the bed in one action. “What the fuck, Asha. You know I would die to save you. I told you that a long time ago, and nothing has changed. This is not just some job to me. You are my world, and no one is taking that away from me. Not today, not tomorrow, not fucking ever!” I’m getting far more agitated than I mean to, but I get the feeling Asha was fully expecting this reaction.
“Please, Kurt, don’t get upset with me, just listen. This isn’t your fight. They don’t want you, it’s me they want.”
“Yeah, and they can’t fucking have you!”
“I know, and everything we’re doing is to make sure that doesn’t happen, but we both know nothing is guaranteed. I learned that a long time ago. But you have a family who loves you and friends who adore you. They all need you.”
“And I need you, so moot point.” I’m getting frustrated now, but I try not to appear angry with her.
“Kurt, please, you aren’t listening to me. I want you to promise me that if it comes to it, that you will save yourself before you worry about me. I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Fine, then I won’t say the word no. Instead, my reply is
