Blocking it all out, I feel my body being lifted, and Kurt lays us down on a large couch. Burying my face as far into his shoulder as I can, plastering my body to his, I know I need every little piece of him he is willing to give me.
“I just want to live… Why do they want to stop me living…?”
Kurt doesn’t answer, and instead he’s letting me just say what I need to, knowing the only way to keep going is to release the pressure and then move on.
“It wasn’t her fault, but why isn’t my life important too…?”
The energy it takes to keep rambling is leaving me struggling to keep my eyes open.
Kurt’s hands are on my back, just peacefully rubbing me up and down.
Trying to fight the exhaustion is like a losing battle. Emotional breakdowns always send me into a sleep coma.
Maybe it’s what I need, just for a while.
Although he has stayed silent all this time, Kurt always knows just the right thing to say. “Your life is the most important of them all.” His whisper is the last thing I hear before sleep claims me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
KURT
As she closes her eyes to finally take the rest her brain needs, my heart is breaking. Seeing Asha battle her demons is hard to watch.
I want to slay them for her, but I can’t. I’ve never felt so helpless.
Inside, though, I know the best way I can support her is to let her dig deep and eliminate all the feelings she has buried for so long, along with the new things that are constantly thrown at her.
Through this whole time, all Asha has craved is to have control over her own life. Today she is starting to fight for that and take the control back.
Others would have thrown their hands up and given in or walked away. Yet here she is continuing to fight.
My girl is a warrior!
Although she is sleeping, it’s not a deep peaceful sleep. Her body is restless, and her breathing isn’t slow and steady. It’s just enough for her to recharge her body with the strength for the rest of the day.
Feeling my phone in my pocket vibrate, I know it will be Ghost.
Ghost: Can you talk?
Kurt: Can’t talk but can message.
Ghost: We have more information out of Davina.
Kurt: What?
Ghost: Davina wasn’t the only one Oscar had on the job for him. She doesn’t know who the other person is, but Oscar threatened that if she didn’t finish the job then this other person would.
Kurt: Fuck! Will this ever end?
Ghost: Yes, it fucking will. And we are the ones who will end it!
Ghost: How is our girl holding up?
Kurt: My girl!!!
Ghost: Possessive much?
Kurt: Nope, protective of MY girl.
Kurt: She’s had a meltdown and is sleeping it off. She’s strong.
Ghost: Stronger than you and me both!
Kurt: Agreed. Now who the fuck is this other person?
Ghost: Wish I knew.
Kurt: Fuck, any leads?
Ghost: Working on it. Just sit tight. Message when she wakes, and I’ll send Jacinta over.
Kurt: You never give up.
Ghost: Can’t waste time, you know that.
Kurt: Then find this other person!
Ghost: What the fuck do you think I’m doing, sitting here jerking off?
Kurt: Probably.
Ghost: Fuck off. I’m going. Message when she wakes.
Kurt: If you’re lucky.
Ghost: Don’t make me hunt you down, because you know I will, asshole.
Kurt: You love me.
Ghost: Not even close!
After what feels like hours but has only been about thirty minutes, Asha starts to stir out of her rest on the couch, where she is lying next to me.
Where she was sort of calm before, as she starts to move her body, suddenly she sits straight up, now gasping for air.
“Asha, it’s me. You’re okay,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm.
Her eyes are wide like a startled creature.
“Talk to me, baby. What’s wrong?” Sitting next to her, my arms around her, I pull her back to my chest.
“I hate that dream…” Her voice stumbles quietly, trying to get her own breath under control again.
“It’s just a dream, it’s not real.”
“That’s the thing, it is! And I get to relive it over and over again. I hate it!” I want to get her to talk about it, but I know she is going to have to do that shortly with the lawyer, so instead, I just keep holding her.
“I’m here, and I’ve got you. Just take some deep breaths.”
Her breathing is the only sound that is filling the room. I never thought breathing could sound so loud, but when you are concentrating that hard on it, the noise is almost startling.
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Her voice is flat like she has given up.
“No, don’t say that. Don’t give up now. We are so close.” I try to sound positive when part of me is agreeing with her, that this is getting too hard. Walking away is starting to look appealing.
“Close to what, exactly? Standing in front of the men who killed my bosses and want me dead, or close to being killed before I even make it there?” Asha is now yelling at me, with her fear turning to anger.
Anger is easier to deal with. This is the emotion I know how to handle, because it’s how I feel too.
“So, what, are you just going to let them win, give them what they want?”
Pulling away from my hold, Asha stands and starts walking—or more like a pace backward and forward in front of me. “Like it’s just that easy, Kurt!” She stops and faces me, hands on her hips. She is pissed now.
“Isn’t it, though? You either stand up and say fuck you, or you lie down and let them win.”
“Don’t be an ass. You’re supposed to be on my side here.”
“I am, and you know that. But I’m not going to let you just lie down and give up. Fight for it, baby.” Walking closer to her, I lower my voice. “Fight for us.” Taking her
