“Or I could just stay here and take care of Erik’s house while he’s gone,” Archer said, raising a hopeful brow. “I can’t even imagine how bad things could be in the city when the little towns here are a disaster.”
“But you know how to use a gun,” Sam said, practically begging. “It would be so much safer for all of us to have someone like you along.”
Erik turned away and rolled his eyes. He’d been watching over us practically since everything started, and Sam didn’t know the first thing about Archer.
I bit back my smile as Erik picked up the guns. He grunted as he walked toward the back door.
“It will be best for all of us if we learn how to use what we have,” Erik said. “Let’s get started, then we can worry about who’s coming and what we need to pack for the trip.”
I grabbed a donut and followed everyone outside. Dorian walked by my side, clicking his tongue.
“Does it make me a bad person that I’m still hoping she’ll change her mind?” he asked.
“It doesn’t, but she’s not going to change her mind,” I said.
“Maybe I should stay here with Archer,” Dorian said.
I looked into his eyes. “You know, we probably aren’t going to come back.”
“What makes you say that?” Dorian asked.
“You’re assuming we’re going to make it there,” I said, taking a bite of my donut. Powder rained down to the ground. “You should stay here. It would be the smart thing to do.”
Dorian slowed his pace. His shoulders dropped. I understood how he felt because it was the same thing I felt. He didn’t want to go, but he didn’t want to be left behind either.
Our gun lesson took the entire day. I was comfortable holding the gun, and I was pretty sure I could shoot if I wanted to, but I couldn’t imagine that would ever happen.
The only time I had needed to shoot another person was when Elijah had locked me away. He wouldn’t have done that if I would have been armed.
I helped Dorian prepare dinner while Sam, Archer, and Erik discussed the items we’d want to take. Erik was certain we’d be able to find things along the way, but the less we had to stop, the safer it would be for all of us.
“What if you get to the city but then can’t get to your daughter,” Archer asked Sam.
“There isn’t anything that will stop me,” Sam said.
Dorian and I exchanged a look. The group to the north had stopped us from getting to the pharmacy with no trouble. There were a lot of things that could stop us from getting to Jameson’s apartment.
“Okay,” Erik said, getting to his feet. “So, tomorrow, Archer and I will go into town and fill up as many gas cans as we can find.”
Archer had his legs crossed wide and his fingers steepled. His head shook from side to side.
“This is never going to work,” he said. “The pumps aren’t going to work. How are we going to get to the gas?”
“We’re going to siphon it from abandoned cars,” Erik said.
“My SUV was nearly full,” I said over my shoulder. “There are probably even gas cans in the garage.”
Erik nodded. “I’ve got a few.”
“It would be a hell of a walk, but there were some at the gas station where I worked too,” Dorian said, keeping his eyes on the grill.
There were baked beans in a pot and veggie patties on the side. If Erik would have allowed it, I’d have gone out into the woods to look for blackberries and wild asparagus.
“I just have to say this one last time,” Erik said, looking into Sam’s eyes. “If there is any way I can talk you out of this, let me know. She’s not going to understand if something happens to you. She’ll never know the trouble you went to just to get back to her.”
Sam crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “There isn’t anything you can say to stop me. I’ll walk back to her if I have to.”
“Maybe you should listen to Erik,” I said.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Mel?” Sam said
“Hey! Whoa!” Archer said.
Erik’s jaw stiffened.
“No! I’m sick of this,” Sam said, holding up her hand. “Mel, Mel, Mel. Everything is always about Mel. Her crazy family. Her panic attacks. Her medicine. I’m always walking on eggshells, and I’m tired of it. For once, something can be about me. I’m sorry Elijah was a monster, but it’s time to get over it and think of someone else for once.”
My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
It felt like I’d been punched in the gut. My hands clenched into fists, and instead of telling her where she could go, I walked toward the house.
27
I didn’t go up to my room because if someone wanted to find me, that was the first place they’d look. And I didn’t want to be found. I wanted to be alone. I went into the dark basement and hid behind a stack of boxes in the pantry behind the bar.
Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I was the problem. After Elijah, I’d been so messed up, I’d never been able to find my way back to myself. And to be completely honest, I’d never been who I wanted to be.
Growing up with my mom in that messy house had given me anxiety. Everyone in my family was screwed up in some way. It all probably started when my mom tragically lost my dad.
I’d been young when
