So, for the first time in weeks, I used the key on my keychain to let myself inside the house that had once been mine, but now felt strange and foreign, and made my way into the kitchen.
Rory was sitting at the island, a bag of carrots open in front of her, holding her phone with one hand. When I entered the room, she glanced up just briefly enough to say, “You’re late.”
Well, shit. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I got stuck in traffic," I lied, immediately feeling guilty about it. But then, it was for a good cause. I'd been given my shot, and I couldn't afford to blow it. In front of Rory, in the center of the island, were the flowers I’d had sent to Addy as a thank you after she’d agreed to our latest arrangement. Though she wasn’t the kind of person who would do something so cruel as to throw them out, seeing them there in one of our best vases had me awestruck. Perhaps this was a sign. Maybe she was trying to tell me there was still a reason to have hope. I fought back the smile growing on my lips and looked back at my daughter. "I stopped and grabbed you some dinner from Jack Brown's." I held out my to-go box to her as a peace offering. She eyed it carefully.
"Where's yours?"
"I got hungry on the way over." Another lie as the grumble in my stomach let me know almost instantly, but this one I felt decidedly less guilty for.
She popped a baby carrot in her mouth and laid her phone facedown on the island, folding her hands in front of her as she surveyed me carefully.
"Mom says we're supposed to talk or…something."
I nodded, my voice shaking as I answered. "Yeah. I would like that."
She crossed one leg over the other, reaching for the burger. She opened the box and picked it up with careful hands. Once, she'd have dug straight into her food without regard for how it would look or the mess it would make. Now, I watched her careful moves, the way she dabbed her cheeks after taking the tiniest bite. She had changed so much. No longer was she the carefree young girl I'd loved so much. She'd become a self-conscious teenager without me realizing it, and it made a pit in my stomach at thinking of how much I'd missed, even when I’d still been there.
"So… What do you want to talk about?" she asked once she'd finished the bite and dusted her hands over the box.
I pulled out the barstool sitting next to her and dragged it toward me, giving her some space as I sat down. "Well, why don't you tell me how school's going?"
"School's school," she said with a shrug, tearing a piece of lettuce from the burger and tossing it into her mouth. "Nothing too exciting."
"How was your beach trip? Your mom said you went with Tessa, right?"
"Yeah, it was fun,” she said. We sat quietly for a moment, and she added, “I was hoping it would be warmer while we were there, but it was still nice. We had dinner on their boat one night and saw dolphins. Her dad got a picture of us in front of them."
"Wow. That sounds like a lot of fun."
“Yeah…” She tore another piece of lettuce free, rolling it between her fingers.
I ran a hand over my mouth, trying to think of anything else to say. The lulls in our conversation had already grown uncomfortable. "Hey, do you remember a few years ago when we went to the beach for summer vacation and we found those baby jellyfish on the sand?"
"No," she said simply, her expression sad. She laid the lettuce down.
"You were young…" I tried to think back. It didn't seem that long ago, but perhaps it was. "Seven or eight maybe. There were so many of them. Just these…jelly blobs on the sand. You had a fit when we told you you couldn't bring them home with us." I thought back, trying so desperately to recall the memory. "Maybe you were even younger than that."
"I don't remember," she said firmly. Drawn from my thoughts, I looked up at her. Her face was stone, serious and vaguely empty. Had I done something to upset her?
"It was a long time ago," I conceded. "I wouldn't expect you to, I guess. We had plenty of other good vacations, didn't we?"
"Mom says we went to Disney when I was three. I don't remember that either."
I twisted my mouth in thought. "Yeah, she's right. We did. And we went on the cruise with Vivi and Paw when you were…eleven or twelve?"
She nodded. "I was eleven. I remember that one, of course. My first time leaving the country." She paused. "Speaking of vacations and leaving the country, did Mom get a chance to talk to you about this summer?"
I furrowed my brow, trying to remember. "I don't think so. What's this summer?"
"Tessa's parents invited me to summer with them in Venice. Mom said she would have to talk to you, but it would be so cool, Dad. I’ve always wanted to go there. And it would be educational, too. Don’t worry. Tessa’s mom always makes sure we’re doing educational stuff, even when it’s boring."
"Wait, slow down… Venice? As in Italy?"
"Yeah, where else?" she asked with a nervous laugh.
I hesitated, the hopeful look on her face a knife in my heart. "I…I don't know, honey. I'm not sure how I feel about you leaving the country without me or your mom with you."
Her face fell into an exaggerated frown, her mouth open. "But how is that fair? When are we ever going to leave the country again? When are you ever going to have the time or money to take us to Italy? Don't you want me to experience other cultures? Don't you want me to try new things?"
"Of course I do. You know I do. But what if
