Tears filled my eyes as I smiled.
“Not a chance, rock star. This is Blood Oath’s beginning. This is what you’ve been chasing . . . you’re gonna get your dream.”
He stared down at me. “But you’re not gonna come with me, are you?”
“No,” I rasped. “I can’t take the risk of leaving my mum.”
“Frankie.”
“I think . . . I think we need to step back from each other.”
Saying those words ripped a hole in my chest.
“You once told me I was the only risk you’d ever take, but you’re risking everything we have right now and for what? Because you think we can’t do long distance?”
“I love you,” I said, my body trembling. “I love you with my whole heart, but I cannot go with you. Your career just got its big break, you know where this ends if we do long distance. You know and so do I. We won’t see each other for months, video chats and calls and texts will dwindle because we’re both busy with our lives, and I don’t want us to end like that. I don’t want us to just . . . fade.”
“Who says we’ll fade?” he demanded. “You’re making excuses now, Frankie, and you know it.”
“I’m not!” I argued. “I’m thinking realistically!”
Frustrated, Risk turned and lobbed his phone at the garden wall next to us. I didn’t flinch when it cracked off the concrete and smashed onto the ground.
“Why’d you do that?” I demanded. “You need a phone now.”
“I’ll get a new one with a new number since it’s obvious you won’t be calling me anymore, right?”
He was hurting. He reacted with anger when he was hurting because it was the only defence tactic he had. Risk had been fostered for most of his life by a family who never treated him like anything other than a stranger and a punching bag. He didn’t learn to love until we got together. His biological mother died of a drug overdose when he was four and he never knew who his father was. He didn’t have a real family until me, May and Hayes formed a bond with him.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t be angry with me.”
“Don’t be angry? We’ve been dating for three years, I’ve known you almost my whole life. I thought we were stronger than this, Frankie. I thought everything in life we were going to do, we would do together. Wasn’t that what we promised?”
It was. When we started dating at fifteen we promised we’d always do everything together. That’d we never leave the other one alone.
“I’m sorry,” my voice cracked. “I wish things were different, I’d leave with you in a minute if they were but they’re not. My mum has Alzheimer’s, Risk. She’s not going to get better, only worse. I have to take care of her, I have to.”
“I can take care of you both.” He reached for me and gripped my arms. “Just come with me. When I make money, I’ll pay the best doctors to help your mum.”
“Baby, listen to yourself. My mum’s sickness is very mild right now, but she’s eventually going to forget everything that’s new to her and only have old memories. How would she cope living in America where everything is strange to her?”
“I don’t fucking know!” he snapped. “I’m trying to think of something to keep this from happening.”
“This is the only way, Risk. I wish it wasn’t but it is. You’re going to live in America for the next couple of years while your band grows and finds success. I’m still going to be here in Southwold with my mum when you’re a worldwide superstar. Don’t you understand that? I’m always going to be here, Risk. My life doesn’t leave this little town . . . but yours will.”
“So what?” he snapped, his blue eyes aflame with hurt. “You’re setting me free, is that it? Am I supposed to fucking thank you for doing this to me? You think breaking up with me is what’s best for me?”
I was sobbing now.
“It is what’s best for you! How can you chase your dreams if you’re stuck in this town with me for the rest of your life?” I pushed against his chest, hating how he thought this was easy for me. Like breaking my own heart was something I wanted to do. “How can you live if you’re trapped here with me? How will you be able to breathe when I feel like I’m suffocating?”
I was screaming now, tears were flowing and my hands were beating against Risk’s chest.
He put his arms round me and held me as I sobbed. I clung on to him like my life depended on it. I pressed my face against his soaking wet chest for a moment longer, then I looked up. Risk was staring down at me, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears. I had never seen him look so angry, so hurt, so helpless. I was the cause of each of those emotions and it cut me like a blade knowing that.
“We’re done, Risk,” I said, lifting my hand to his face. “I’m b-breaking up with you.”
The muscles in his sharp jaw rolled back and forth as his ice-blues stared down at me. I scanned my eyes over every inch of his face, memorising it all so on the nights I was alone and hurting for him, I would know exactly how he looked in this moment.
“Why are you doing this to me? You’re my girl, why’re you pushing me away?”
My chin quivered. “I have to.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t have to. You’re the first person I have ever loved, you’re the first person I have said those words to in my entire life. You reached me before May and Hayes could, before music could. I thought you loved me, Cherry.”
“I do love you! I’ll love you my whole life,” I whispered. “I promise.”
“You couldn’t keep your first promise . . . what makes this one so special?”
The tone in Risk’s voice changed, it suddenly
