“I can’t leave Southwold.”
“We shouldn’t have fucking come back here,” Angel stated. “We shouldn’t have let you talk us into it. We should have stayed in London, not here. This place, that woman . . . she fucking rules you. Look at you because of her.”
“Don’t put his actions on Frankie,” May warned Angel. “He’s hurt her just as much as she’s hurt him. The only difference,” his eyes cut to mine, “is that she never went out of her way to break his heart like he has done to her.”
I felt an inch big as May projected an expression of disgust and disappointment my way. He has looked at me many ways before but he had never looked at me with such indifference. He was my best friend, he always had my back even when I didn’t deserve it, but it looked like he wasn’t making excuses for me anymore.
“You guys should go back to LA,” I shifted. “I’ll sort myself out here.”
Both men scoffed, not believing me.
“You’re a selfish prick,” Angel sneered. “The only thing you’ll do if we leave is use. You don’t give a fuck about us and I’m sick of it. Everything is about precious baby boy Risk, isn’t it? If you suffer, we all suffer, right? It’s all about fucking you.”
I jumped up from the bed. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Hell no, bitch,” Angel shot to his feet too. “You think you’re a tough guy, you think I won’t beat the shit out of you just because I love you?”
My voice was tight with emotion.
“Fuck you,” I bellowed. “Don’t love me. Just hate me, everything will be fucking easier.”
“It’ll be easier for who?” Angel snapped. “You? If you think we hate you, it’ll be easier to use because you think we won’t hurt, is that it?”
That was exactly it.
“I don’t need this,” I shook my head, feeling like the room was closing in on me. “I’m not a fucking child, I won’t be beaten into what I don’t wanna do anymore. I don’t live under his thumb, you can’t break me like he did.”
Angel looked at May and May stared at me with wide eyes.
“We’re not Owen or Freda,” Angel said roughly. “We heard everything you said to that fat fuck back on the pier . . . they abused you and broke you down but we are not them. We love you, idiot.”
I felt my body shake.
“Why didn’t you tell me, main man? I’m your best mate.”
May looked hurt that I didn’t confide in him.
“Because you would have told your mum and dad, Hayes would have too. They would have taken me away and you guys were the only good thing I had.”
“You should have told someone, Risk. Fuck, man . . . I didn’t know. I can remember you always being bruised or hurt but I thought you were just clumsy as hell. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “Frankie knew.”
“What?” May and Angel said in unison.
“She knew when we were kids?” May demanded. “You didn’t just share this with her recently?”
“No, she’s known for years. When we were thirteen, I said a pan fell from a cupboard and hit me in the face which is why I was all bruised.” I lifted my hands to my eyes. “She didn’t believe me. She called me out on it, she was even shorter than she is now and she took none of my bullshit. I made her promise to keep it a secret and she hated it, but she did it for me. From then on, she took care of me, you know? She’s always taken care of me and look what I’ve done to her, May? She’s my girl and I wrecked her.”
Fuck. I was going to fucking cry. I pressed my fists against my eyes.
“This is so fucked up,” I croaked. “I thought she was lying to me. She said she heard our records, I didn’t know she meant the instrumentals. I didn’t know she couldn’t hear me without hurting . . . I thought when she sent me away it was because she wanted to. I got everything so wrong.”
The guys said nothing so I dropped my hands.
“I stood her on stage in front of one hundred thousand people and I humiliated her. I insulted her and belittled her . . . all because my feelings got fucking hurt. Again. I fucked up so bad, man. So fucking bad. She told me goodbye.” I shook my head. “Even when we broke up she didn’t tell me goodbye.”
May came my side, Angel too. Both of them clapped their hands against my back. I knew they were going to give me a speech about how the first step in righting my wrong was to go back to rehab, but before either of them had a chance to say a word, Hayes walked into the room. His face was passive.
“Risk.”
I stared at him.
“What?”
“Enda Peterson just called.”
I blinked. Slowly.
“Who?”
“Mrs Peterson?” Hayes frowned. “A friend of the Fulton family.”
I had no idea why he was telling me this.
“Well, what’d she want?”
“She thinks one of us should go and be with Frankie.”
My body was like a live wire at the mention of her name.
“Why?” I demanded. “She doesn’t want me. She walked away from me on the pier, why would she want any of you.”
“Because we’re her friends and she needs us.”
“Why does she need you?” I snapped. “Why?”
“Because Mrs Peterson was delivering bad fucking news, you selfish fucking prick! That’s why!”
It took a moment for his words to sink in.
“What bad news?”
Hayes looked down and my gut lurched.
“Hayes,” I stepped forward. “What bad news?”
“It’s Frankie’s mum,” he lifted a hand and rubbed
