"I had to hang out with these assholes my father was doing business with, and they were always out in the wild, hunting and fishing. One day we were tracking deer. I didn't love being around a bunch of jackholes I barely knew anyway, and every one of them was armed to the teeth with every weapon you could imagine. Anyway, they wanted me to bag a deer, and I was scared shitless. Just wanted the day to be over with. I saw this brown shape running, and, I swear to you, I was trying to miss. I'm not really into the whole hunter thing. But I guess I was a better shot than I thought. Or worse. Anyway, I hit it. But it wasn't a deer."
She grips the back of the bench so hard little flecks of old paint cake off.
"You killed a horse?"
The memory of it is a bitter bite at the back of my throat.
"Everybody thought it was hilarious. The guy who owned the horse said something about meaning to put it down for a while anyway cause it was old and crazy. I had to laugh along, because that's my job. That's who I am. But I killed a fucking horse, and, I don't know, I wanted to feel shitty about it."
She bites her lower lip and something in her eyes drives my next point home.
"I realized how sick I was of hanging out with people who didn't think it was fucked up that this horse got killed and that we should maybe, I don't know. Maybe..."
"Be sad. Just be sad that something running and alive the minute before was suddenly gone." Evan stops peeling chipping paint and puts her hand on my cheek, her fingers so damn soft on my face. "That's sad. To always have to put on a show. To always have to pretend. Don't you get really sick of it? Like sick enough to just want out?"
"Yeah. I do. But everyone gets sick of what they have to do sometimes. That's life, right?"
I close my eyes and just focus on the feel her hand, let its realness be all I focus on for a minute. I feel good. I feel happy. I feel like I don't have to put on a show with her.
The sun is intensely hot. I unbutton the top button of my shirt and think about the beach. I haven't gone to the beach with a couple beers and the whole day spread in front of me in so long, I can't even remember the last time.
And then I think about Evan in a bikini. She's always got these cute ass outfits on, so I'm willing to bet her bikini is tiny and hot as hell.
"You wanna go to the beach today?" I ask, and Evan's whole face brightens to the point where it would be easy to forget about the sun, no matter how hot it blazes.
"Do you have a bathing suit with you?"
She reaches up and unbuttons the next button on my shirt, then one more.
"I don't even know if I still own one." I slide a finger along the golden-tan of her shoulder and down to the point of her elbow. "I bet you have a couple."
"Of course." She bats those sexy long eyelashes. "All of them itsy bitsy."
"So." I don't want to ruin where this is going, but we've been flipping and flopping since this morning and I want to know which direction we're taking now. "You were pissed about what I do and my family, and I get that. But, is it just that you seriously love the beach, or are you going on this date because you and me make sense somehow?"
She straightens up and takes a deep breath, squints her eyes at me, wrinkles her nose, and shakes her head, slowly, side to side.
"You..." She pulls her shoulders up and squeezes her eyes closed. "You make me crazy, okay? And I think what we're doing might be stupid. Correction: what we're doing is stupid. I don't want to get in a relationship with someone who's going to break my heart. But I can't stay away from you, Winch. I want you. So much."
I lean my forehead on hers and curl my hands around her shoulders, resisting the urge to jump up and scream to every random person walking by, "Hey! This girl is mine! This girl wants to be with me!"
I hug her tight and smell her shiny hair, sweet with the scent of wildflowers.
"I will never break your heart. I will never hurt you. I might fuck up, I might not be perfect, but I'll never hurt you, Evan. You have my word."
No man in my family gives his word lightly, so, whether or not Evan trusts what I just said, I've made a vow as a Youngblood, and that's not something I can just go back on.
"So, we can just be a normal couple on a date going to the beach today?" Evan asks.
I nod and kiss her neck, lick the salty warm place where her pulse is beating hard.
"Yeah." I say, running my hands up and down her back.
"And you'll be in half a suit, and I'll be in a tiny bikini?"
She rubs her nose on mine, some cute little Eskimo-kiss thing so adorable, I never would have expected it from someone as sexy as Evan.
"Yeah." This time it's hard for me to get the word out.
She hops off the bench and grabs my hand, pulling me up and dancing a quick little jig like the one she did just for me in her room. We head back through the park, across the street, into my car, and get back to her house. She runs inside while I wait, my hands gripped on the steering wheel, and my heart pounds like I'm about to have an attack.
Or I
