Maybe I didn’t think this through completely.
I have to sit there and hold the phone for several more minutes as they say loving and beautiful things to each other—and it’s torture, and I want to scream. I have to shut my eyes, because I can’t bear to see her looking at him like that, with such pure love and devotion. I want to rip my eyeballs out. When they finally say goodbye, I feel like my heart has just been put through a meat grinder. It’s a far cry from the angry cursing that Gabriel greeted her with, the first time I heard his voice.
Something has changed.
“He’s being so sweet, today,” Yvette says happily as she lets her head roll back onto her pillow. “I’m exhausted now, Milla. I think I need to sleep.”
“Of course,” I tell her, standing up, and placing her phone down. I fluff her pillow a little to offer her more comfort, even though my hands are shaking. “Rest well.”
I am walking out of her room and fighting against nausea and heartbreak when my own phone buzzes in my pocket. I lift it out to read it, feeling afraid. What if it’s a goodbye text? A my-wife-is-alive-and-you’ve-served-your purpose-of-temporarily-entertaining-me-so-I’m-done-with-you text?
It’s neither of those things.
Give me time, Milla, he writes. I have to help her. I promise I’ll fix this.
Of course. He has to. What else can he do?
He must be there for her now.
Don’t give up on us, he says. It’s going to be difficult, but I’m still here. I’m still committed to us. I promise you that.
Okay, Gabe, is all I can manage to text back.
I trust him. I’ll wait as long as it takes. She needs him more than I do, in this moment.
Well, I won’t wait forever—but I’ll wait for a very long time.
I know he’ll take care of her, and give her everything she needs to recover. The same way I have been trying my best to take care of her. It’s just the right thing to do—being a good human being.
Our happiness can wait. Our love is secondary.
Her health comes first.
I can be strong and survive this.
It’s not about one moment—it’s about how it all ends.
Chapter 13
“She’s arriving at the house in a few minutes,” Gabriel says to me over the phone. “As you know… France is on lockdown and there’s a curfew, so I’m working from home and barely going outside. Her parents will be staying here also, so it will be a full house. I won’t be able to call you much anymore.”
“I understand.”
“I just want to be respectful to her, while she’s living here again,” he explains.
“I know, Gabe.”
“She never sticks around for very long. She usually gets sick of me and leaves me after a few weeks or months,” he says. “Evie can’t stand to be in one place for too long.”
“Well, it might be a bit different now that she physically can’t walk or leave you,” I point out.
“That’s true. It could be different. Milla, can we please do a video call? I want to see your face, live. It might be the last time we can do that for a while.”
“I’m sorry… I’m not at my best right now.” I glance to the side and see the dozens of crumpled snotty tissues surrounding me. My face is also covered in tears and snot. Real classy.
“I love seeing you in any state,” he says.
Just another thing that men say… but probably don’t really mean. I am sure that if he could see how hideous I look right now, after crying for hours, he would run for the hills. Yvette looks fantastic while crying—how am I supposed to compete with that?
“I can’t do video, Gabe. Sorry.”
“Milla… I really don’t want to lose you. Are you sure you’re okay with this arrangement?”
“What choice do we have?” I ask him sadly. “I guess this is our last phone conversation.”
“Not forever. Just for a little while. I have to be a good husband again, just to help her be okay.”
“I know. I know,” I say with a sigh. “Please keep me updated on her health and rehabilitation. I hope her condition will improve quickly.”
“Thank you for taking such good care of her.”
“Of course,” I say softly. Then I press a hand against my forehead, where I am developing a splitting headache. “Gabe, are you going to sleep in the same bed with her?”
He hesitates. “I don’t know, Milla. I haven’t been close with her in a long time…”
It’s a painful and uncomfortable question to ask, but it just falls out of my mouth. “Are you going to have sex with her?”
“I don’t think she’s strong enough for that right now,” Gabe answers.
“But she will be soon,” I say.
“Yes… I know,” he says quietly.
He’s not really answering the question. My chest aches, and my head aches. I pinch the bridge of my nose to try the soothe the pain. “Just keep in mind that she probably isn’t able to handle a pregnancy. It could be life-threatening. Or at least… very challenging.”
“That makes sense. But you should know… Yvette has never wanted children. So, you shouldn’t worry too much about that.”
“But accidents happen,” I respond. “In addition to being really hard on her body… I feel like that would be the end of us.”
“I understand, Milla. I promise you that I am not intending to have children with Yvette. I don’t know what will happen when she’s here, so I can’t make any other promises. It’s been a long time, but this is still her home, and she is still my wife…”
“It’s fine if you want to be with her,” I say, even though I don’t really mean that, and I feel like I’m twisting a knife in my own chest with every word. My head is pounding so badly that my vision is blurring. “I know things have
