I am able to go back to work again, and I restart my counseling sessions with Dr. Tanaka. He puts me on a different antidepressant that seems to work better for my sensitive stomach. He said I need to take it daily for over a month to start seeing an improvement, so I hope I can stick with it this time.
But I’m pretty sure that as long as Gabriel keeps calling me every day, I will be fine. As long as I have that little bit of hope and laughter to keep me going, I know things will be fine.
“I guess your relationship is going well again?” Mike asks, as he fills up his coffee in the break room. “You’re wearing the ring again.”
“Yes,” I tell him happily, realizing I was humming to myself. “We had a bit of a rough patch. But we worked through it.”
“I missed having you here at work,” Mike says. “I’m glad you’re back. You’re the most brilliant nurse we have, and the patients are lucky to have you.”
“Oh… thank you, Mike,” I say with surprise.
“Just calling it like I see it,” he says with a respectful nod, before leaving the room.
Wow. That wasn’t terrible, either. I feel a little bit of pride blossoming in my chest, to have the respect of my colleague. Especially from someone who previously loved to rub it in my face that he was so much more educated and experienced than I am.
I float through the rest of my shift, until I get off work at midnight. Gabriel usually goes for his run around 6 a.m. in France, so I walk around outside in the cold air, waiting for his call with my earbuds in. I am surprised when he doesn’t call. I wait for about half an hour and text him a few times before deciding to give up and go home.
I’m a little worried, because I don’t hear anything back from him at all. Not even a text, not for a while. I enter my apartment and remove my scarf, tossing it aside. I move over to the couch and collapse, exhausted, and place the phone on the coffee table.
It doesn’t take me very long to fall asleep.
When the phone finally rings, I’m not sure if it’s minutes or hours later.
I dive for it like it’s a baseball and I’m trying to keep the opposing team from scoring the winning run in the final inning. I am not even exaggerating—that is how I dive.
“Hello?” I answer, groggy, with barely one eye open.
“I’m so sorry, Milla,” he says with a deep breath. “Evie got sick, and we had to call the doctor…”
“Oh, no. Is everything okay?”
“Milla… please forgive me. I must have really screwed up.”
I blink several times in confusion. “What? What are you talking about?”
Gabriel takes a deep breath. And then another. “I don’t know how this happened. I thought I was careful, but…”
“Gabriel!” I nearly shout, “Are you kidding me right now? Is this a joke?”
“She’s pregnant.”
My mouth has actually fallen open in amazement. “She hasn’t even been home for a month… you promised…”
“I swear to God, I didn’t intend for this to happen.”
“You promised!”
“I know, Milla. I’m sorry. But I’m going to have to be there for her now. We can’t talk anymore.”
I taste something funny, and I realize that I’ve been biting my lip so hard that I drew blood. “Gabe, how could you?” That’s all I have the strength to say. There is so much more on my heart and mind, but it just won’t come out any longer. “Please take care of her health.”
“I will.”
I look down at my hand. I’m still wearing his mother’s ring. Tears begin to splash on it. I wrestle with it to rip it off my finger. “I’ll send the ring back to you in the mail.”
“No, please. Keep it, Milla. You’ll always mean so much to me, and I’ll always love you. But I have to do my duty now.”
“I’ll always love you too,” I say, and the tears come rushing out so hard I can no longer breathe. I don’t think I can stand to hear him say goodbye, so I just end the call.
I find myself slumped forward with my arms and face pressed against the cold glass of the coffee table, just sobbing.
He killed us.
I’ve really lost him now. For real.
Chapter 17
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but don’t accept a marriage proposal from a guy who’s already married. Just don’t do it. It never ends well.
Chapter 18
I can’t get out of bed. Today, I lost my job. I didn’t care.
Chapter 19
Okay, so you know that moment when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, and things must start to get better? Like that moment in the middle of a global pandemic, after you’ve watched freezer trucks carry away dozens of bodies because the morgue was full, when you tell yourself… hey. Things have got to start getting better now. We’re almost past this. We’re through the worst of it.
And then another wave hits? And another?
Then everyone starts getting vaccinated, but it’s still not over? And you’re just not sure if you have the strength to keep hanging on, and you can’t handle even one more bad thing happening?
Well, that’s what my personal life feels like.
My father died today.
I wasn’t his biggest fan, so I’m not sure why it affected me so much. He was still my father. My last remaining family member. The worst part was that I couldn’t even call or text Gabe to tell him about it.
I didn’t just lose my lover. I lost my best friend.
So, I went to sit at my mother’s grave. Thinking about my parents. Thinking about my life. Thinking about Gabriel’s mother and how he introduced me
