But the time for whining had passed.
So in the end we’d failed the whales, much as we’d failed the mermaids. I wondered if they already knew. Did they see to the end, the way we did?
I wished there were some perfect retreat for those whales and those mermaids—the beauty we knew, the beauty we thought we’d made up or maybe only dreamed, we’d never been quite sure. I wished there was a safe haven for them, locked deep in the endless blue.
We smiled at each other, Chip and Steve and I, sadly. I flattered myself that the men were thinking fondly of each other and of me, as I was thinking so fondly of them—of all the milling friends and partygoers—longing for what couldn’t be.
When it came to the future, we all acted as if. Only way to proceed, said Gina firmly, and Chip and I agreed.
So we did the wedding, we did the honeymoon. There’d never be a better time for it.
Still there are instants when it pierces me, it pierces all of us—we all have those instants of remembering—a terrible love that passes in a flash, our terrible love of everything.
It brings us closer than we’ve ever been.
But the closeness is fleeting.
Tears stood on my bottom eyelids again, twice in a single day now, but I wouldn’t let them spill over—not this time. This time I restrained myself, determined to keep my personality intact. From now on, that’s what I’d do. No more slipups. It wasn’t the best personality, I’d been reminded of that recently, but it was mine. You work with what you’ve got.
I’d keep my personality intact, I decided. Give it the old college try.
I raised my cup and toasted; the others raised theirs too. We went on smiling, smiling, and smiling, until the very moment when the whiskey touched our lips.
ALSO BY LYDIA MILLET
Magnificence
Ghost Lights
How the Dead Dream
Love in Infant Monkeys
Oh Pure and Radiant Heart
Everyone’s Pretty
My Happy Life
George Bush, Dark Prince of Love
Omnivores
FOR YOUNGER READERS
Pills and Starships
The Shimmers in the Night
The Fires Beneath the Sea
Copyright © 2015 by Lydia Millet
Illustrations by Sharon McGill
All rights reserved
First Edition
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