She ran to the door, opened it, and rushed out. Not glancing back to see if he watched her or came after her, she darted along the corridor. She turned a corner and was relieved when she reached her bedchamber in the east wing. It had grown so late that the candles burned low in the sconces. No one was about. She hurried inside.
Light from the corridor shone into her room. Anna had left a candle in a silver candlestick, but it had drowned in a spill of wax. Carrie ran to grasp the tinderbox and light another, then she shut the door, and leaned against it, her breath more of a sob. Oh, why had she pushed him into this denial tonight? Had it ended any chance for them? She’d been wanton and should be ashamed. But strangely, she wasn’t. She didn’t believe for a minute he didn’t want her. But, for whatever reason, he didn’t intend to marry her or anyone. He desired her, though, she noted with a surge of triumph. And was almost sure he loved her. That gave her hope. When she discovered what held him back, everything would change between them.
She slipped out of the banyan and held it to her nose, inhaling his male smell, then tucked it in a drawer beneath her nightgowns.
When she looked at herself in the mirror, she didn’t appear any different, but oh, she was. She’d discovered her feminine power. And if she must, she would use it again to better effect. She sank down on the bed, and suddenly exhausted, she pulled back the covers and slipped between the cool sheets.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Nicholas leaned his hands on the windowsill and stared out. The moon sailed across a sky like indigo silk studded with diamonds. Did Carrie think him a coward? He had no hesitation in facing a man in combat. But baring his heart was a different matter. He knew himself too well. When he fell in love, it would be with his heart and soul and every fiber of his being. It would be forever. Perhaps knowing this had made him fear risking his peace to love deeply again. But Max’s children had come into his life. And he would slay dragons for them.
He glanced at the mantel clock. It was almost four. He examined what had just occurred between him and Carrie. He heaved a sigh. Questioning himself and his behavior must wait for the cold light of day when he could think things through objectively. He stripped off his clothes, in need of a few hours of slumber. Sleep had been scarce of late because his nights, even when he retired at a reasonable hour, were restless and disturbed by dreams.
He poured the water, now cold, from the jug into a basin, washed his face, and sponged his body, drying himself with a towel. He cleaned his teeth and climbed naked into bed, hopeful of dozing for the few hours left to him. And before he must deal with Jeremy at breakfast.
Sleep proved impossible. After his busy mind kept him awake, he rose and opened the curtains to watch the dawn break. The full moon had passed out of sight; perhaps now the magic would be gone. It gave him no pleasure to think it.
Later in the morning, a little ragged, he entered the breakfast room where Jeremy, Bella, and Miss Scotsdale sat eating breakfast. It didn’t surprise him to find Carrie’s chair vacant.
Knife and fork in hand, Jeremy hurriedly finished chewing and swallowed a mouthful of bacon. “Are we riding after breakfast, Nicholas?”
As he drew out a chair and sat to drink his coffee, he tried to sound enthusiastic about embarking on a bruising ride with Jeremy. “A short ride, Jeremy. I have a trip to make today.” He accepted a cup of coffee from Giles. “We’ll ride out to say goodbye to the gypsies. They leave today. If I can rely on you not to go off with them, Bella.”
Bella giggled. “I prefer to live at Elm Park than in a wagon.”
“I am gratified to hear it. Have you seen your sister this morning?”
“No. She had a tray sent up to her room,” Bella explained. “She is busy packing for London.”
“Ah.”
So Carrie had given up on him. He couldn’t blame her. Although he gave himself points for resisting her beautiful body, refusing her had hurt her. In the sobering light of day, she might have a different view. Even an innocent such as Carrie must understand what making love would lead to. And he wanted her to look back on that special time in her life with love in her heart, not regret. She would probably marry Ludlow or some fellow who would be free with his feelings in a way Nicholas could not. Jealousy struck hot and potent in his throat, and he swallowed it down with coffee.
Nicholas ate a few mouthfuls of egg, his appetite gone. He rose from the table. “Bella, will you ride with us?”
“No, thank you, Nicholas. I found a harp in the attic, and I’m going to practice.”
“In the attic?” That would have been Gwen’s. He regretted his veto of the instrument earlier because he didn’t want the girl humiliated as his sister had been. Perhaps she really had talent, as Carrie said. “I don’t want you up in the attic. A servant will bring the harp down to the music room.”
Bella beamed. “Thank you, Nicholas. I must tell Carrie.”
Nicholas followed Jeremy out. “Can I ride Prince, Nicholas?”
“When you turn twenty-one,” Nicholas said, pulling on his gloves.
As soon as he returned, he
