It was her dimples. Those two small dimples that appeared when she smiled, like two brackets destined to frame Josh’s life forever after, two arrows straight to his heart.
The light in Hope’s eyes seemed to shift. Was this a new expression, or one that Josh simply hadn’t seen before? Whatever it was, the space between them changed imperceptibly, and nothing would ever be the same. None of Josh’s conquests had succeeded in breaking through his shell and hitting a nerve. But that evening, Hope’s words had sliced straight through to his very core.
He kissed her cheek, regretting the hastiness that he now saw as clumsy. He was embarrassed to realize that he was suddenly incapable of stringing a sentence together. He couldn’t even wish his friend a good night.
“What if we stood here for a moment and watched the light fade from all the windows?” Hope suggested. “Stargazing would be better; I know you love stars. But it’s too cloudy.”
Hope couldn’t believe she had been so aggressive. She felt a strange awkwardness creep into the space between them. It was now or never. She needed to let her guard down; keeping him at arm’s length was only pushing him away. She couldn’t try to protect herself anymore. He had gotten under her skin, and denial wouldn’t change that. Unlike so many of her friends, having any kind of sex life was barely on her radar. But she had to admit that since meeting Josh, she had abstained entirely, and that maybe this wasn’t pure coincidence. Could she really have been naive enough to remain subconsciously faithful to somebody who wasn’t even her boyfriend? What kind of crazy molecule had encouraged her brain to rein her in like that?
As these thoughts rushed by, she could see Josh scanning her face, confused, and Hope was seized with the sudden urge to invite him up to her room. At this time of night, the hallway would be deserted. They could creep up the stairs, tiptoe the few feet down the corridor to her room . . . It wouldn’t be too risky, as long as they were careful. Worst-case scenario, they’d meet another student along the way. It was unlikely they’d be spotted by some holier-than-thou type who’d report them. She’d already walked in on one or two of her neighbors up to the same tricks. The idea had popped into Hope’s mind quickly, but the most difficult part of the plan was suggesting it to the man standing in front of her. It would be so simple, though. Wouldn’t it? Do you want to come up for a drink? (although there was nothing to drink in her room, and no glass other than the mug that held her toothbrush) or Why don’t we continue talking in my room? (just as compromising, but more believable). Three times she tried, and three times the words stuck in her throat.
Josh was still staring at her, his eyes locked on hers. Time was ticking by, and she needed to make a decision. Her smile widened; she hesitated, and then with a shrug, she slunk into the building alone, leaving Josh to wonder at the scale of the damage done to their friendship. The idea of a relationship—an actual, monogamous relationship—had crossed his mind, and that struck him as even scarier. He promised himself he wouldn’t make any rash decisions until the morning, that he wouldn’t make any decisions at all if the energy between them returned to normal. And most of all, he promised himself he would never look at Hope’s lips again.
Hope lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She grabbed one of her textbooks and leafed through the pages, but she couldn’t concentrate. For once, she felt a pang of regret at not having a roommate. She knew there was no way she would be falling asleep anytime soon, and so she got out of bed and decided to head over to the laboratory.
She liked to go there to work when insomnia struck. The campus lab was a sprawling room with pink walls, which Hope found intriguing. It was outfitted with all the equipment a science student could dream of—microscopes, centrifuges, fridges, and sterile chambers, as well as about thirty workstations, each with a lab bench, sink, and computer. To get to the lab, she had to walk down a dark corridor that terrified her. She took a deep breath, suppressing the thought that she could have been spending the night with Josh, had she been able to tell him how she really felt. She stepped out into the night and walked up the path toward the building. She was all for saving the planet and cutting back on electricity, but still she regretted the lack of lighting as she crossed the main hall and was plunged into the darkness of the corridor leading to the lab. She picked up the pace, and began humming to herself.
Pushing open the door, she jumped when she realized she wasn’t alone. Luke was bent over a microscope and didn’t appear to have heard her come in. Hope crept up behind him, primed and ready to give him the shock of his life.
“Don’t be a jerk, Hope,” he muttered. A lab mask concealed half his face. “I’m working on something delicate.”
“What are you doing here this late at night?” said Hope, disappointed that her attempt to scare him had been foiled.
“Heating up cells.”
“Is it hard?”
“It is when I get interrupted, yes. Don’t you have your own work to focus on?”
“Charming!” Hope stayed firmly where she was.
Luke looked up and swung around on his stool.
“What do you want, Hope?”
“Does Josh have a sense of humor? I mean underneath all the seductive smiles. Does he have an actual sense of humor?”
Luke gazed at her before turning back to his microscope.
“Hello?” She looked at him. “It’s great
