one doesn’t love by proxy;
Tell him you’ll marry for yourself, not him;
Since you’re the one for whom the thing is done,
You are the one, not he, the man must please;
If his Tartuffe has charmed him so, why let him
Just marry him himself⁠—no one will hinder. Mariane

A father’s rights are such, it seems to me,
That I could never dare to say a word.

Dorine

Came, talk it out. Valère has asked your hand:
Now do you love him, pray, or do you not?

Mariane

Dorine! How can you wrong my love so much,
And ask me such a question? Have I not
A hundred times laid bare my heart to you?
Do you know how ardently I love him?

Dorine

How do I know if heart and words agree,
And if in honest truth you really love him?

Mariane

Dorine, you wrong me greatly if you doubt it;
I’ve shown my inmost feelings, all too plainly.

Dorine

So then, you love him?

Mariane

Yes, devotedly.

Dorine

And he returns your love, apparently?

Mariane

I think so.

Dorine

And you both alike are eager
To be well married to each other?

Mariane

Surely.

Dorine

Then what’s your plan about this other match?

Mariane

To kill myself, if it is forced upon me.

Dorine

Good! That’s a remedy I hadn’t thought of.
Just die, and everything will be all right.
This medicine is marvellous, indeed!
It drives me mad to hear folk talk such nonsense.

Mariane

Oh dear, Dorine you get in such a temper!
You have no sympathy for people’s troubles.

Dorine

I have no sympathy when folk talk nonsense,
And flatten out as you do, at a pinch.

Mariane

But what can you expect?⁠—if one is timid?⁠—

Dorine

But what is love worth, if it has no courage?

Mariane

Am I not constant in my love for him?
Is’t not his place to win me from my father?

Dorine

But if your father is a crazy fool,
And quite bewitched with his Tartuffe? And breaks
His bounden word? Is that your lover’s fault?

Mariane

But shall I publicly refuse and scorn
This match, and make it plain that I’m in love?
Shall I cast off for him, whate’er he be,
Womanly modesty and filial duty?
You ask me to display my love in public⁠ ⁠… ?

Dorine

No, no, I ask you nothing. You shall be
Mister Tartuffe’s; why, now I think of it,
I should be wrong to turn you from this marriage.
What cause can I have to oppose your wishes?
So fine a match! An excellent good match!
Mister Tartuffe! Oh ho! No mean proposal!
Mister Tartuffe, sure, take it all in all,
Is not a man to sneeze at⁠—oh, by no means!
’Tis no small luck to be his happy spouse.
The whole world joins to sing his praise already;
He’s noble⁠—in his parish; handsome too;
Red ears and high complexion⁠—oh, my lud!
You’ll be too happy, sure, with him for husband.

Mariane

Oh dear!⁠ ⁠…

Dorine

What joy and pride will fill your heart
To be the bride of such a handsome fellow!

Mariane

Oh, stop, I beg you; try to find some way
To help break off the match. I quite give in,
I’m ready to do anything you say.

Dorine

No, no, a daughter must obey her father,
Though he should want to make her wed a monkey.
Besides, your fate is fine. What could be better!
You’ll take the stagecoach to his little village,
And find it full of uncles and of cousins,
Whose conversation will delight you. Then
You’ll be presented in their best society.
You’ll even go to call, by way of welcome,
On Mrs. Bailiff, Mrs. Tax-Collector,
Who’ll patronise you with a folding-stool.
There, once a year, at carnival, you’ll have
Perhaps⁠—a ball; with orchestra⁠—two bagpipes;
And sometimes a trained ape, and Punch and Judy;
Though if your husband⁠ ⁠…

Mariane

Oh, you’ll kill me. Please
Contrive to help me out with your advice.

Dorine

I thank you kindly.

Mariane

Oh! Dorine, I beg you⁠ ⁠…

Dorine

To serve you right, this marriage must go through.

Mariane

Dear girl!

Dorine

No.

Mariane

If I say I love Valère⁠ ⁠…

Dorine

No, no. Tartuffe’s your man, and you shall taste him.

Mariane

You know I’ve always trusted you; now help me⁠ ⁠…

Dorine

No, you shall be, my faith! Tartuffified.

Mariane

Well, then, since you’ve no pity for my fate
Let me take counsel only of despair;
It will advise and help and give me courage;
There’s one sure cure, I know, for all my troubles.

She starts to go.

Dorine

There, there! Come back. I can’t be angry long.
I must take pity on you, after all.

Mariane

Oh, don’t you see, Dorine, if I must bear
This martyrdom, I certainly shall die.

Dorine

Now don’t you fret. We’ll surely find some way.
To hinder this⁠ ⁠… But here’s Valère, your lover.

Scene IV

Valère, Mariane, Dorine.
Valère

Madam, a piece of news⁠—quite new to me⁠—
Has just come out, and very fine it is.

Mariane

What piece of news?

Valère

Your marriage with Tartuffe.

Mariane

’Tis true my father has this plan in mind.

Valère

Your father, madam⁠ ⁠…

Mariane

Yes, he’s changed his plans,
And did but now propose it to me.

Valère

What!
Seriously?

Mariane

Yes, he was serious,
And openly insisted on the match.

Valère

And what’s your resolution in the matter,
Madam?

Mariane

I don’t know.

Valère

That’s a pretty answer.
You don’t know?

Mariane

No.

Valère

No?

Mariane

What do you advise?

Valère

I? My advice is, marry him, by all means.

Mariane

That’s your advice?

Valère

Yes.

Mariane

Do you mean it?

Valère

Surely.
A splendid choice, and worthy of your acceptance.

Mariane

Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel.

Valère

You’ll find no trouble taking it, I warrant.

Mariane

No more than you did giving it, be sure.

Valère

I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam.

Mariane

And I shall take it to oblige you, sir.

Dorine

Withdrawing to the back of the stage.

Let’s see what this affair will come to.

Valère

So,
That is your love? And it was all deceit
When you⁠ ⁠…

Mariane

I beg you, say no more of that.
You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept
The husband that is offered me; and I
Will tell you squarely that I mean to do

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