The School for Scandal

not say so if I was not⁠—that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my follies, it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing you, my liberal benefactor. Sir Oliver Charles, I believe you. Give me your hand again: the ill-looking little fellow over the settee has made your peace. Charles Surface Then, sir, my gratitude to the original is still increased. Lady Teazle Advancing. Yet, I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to. Pointing to Maria. Sir Oliver Oh, I have heard of his attachment there; and, with the young lady’s pardon, if I construe right⁠—that blush Sir Peter Well, child, speak your sentiments! Maria Sir, I have little to say, but that I shall rejoice to hear that he is happy; for me⁠—whatever claim I had to his affection, I willingly resign to one who has a better title. Charles Surface How, Maria! Sir Peter Heyday! what’s the mystery now?⁠—While he appeared an incorrigible rake, you would give your hand to no one else; and now that he is likely to reform I’ll warrant you won’t have him! Maria His own heart and Lady Sneerwell know the cause. Charles Surface Lady Sneerwell! Joseph Surface Brother, it is with great concern I am obliged to speak on this point, but my regard to justice compels me, and Lady Sneerwell’s injuries can no longer be concealed. Opens the door. Enter Lady Sneerwell. Sir Peter So! another French milliner! Egad, he has one in every room in the house, I suppose! Lady Sneerwell Ungrateful Charles! Well may you be surprised, and feel for the indelicate situation your perfidy has forced me into. Charles Surface Pray, uncle, is this another plot of yours? For, as I have life, I don’t understand it. Joseph Surface I believe, sir, there is but the evidence of one person more necessary to make it extremely clear. Sir Peter And that person, I imagine, is Mr. Snake. — Rowley, you were perfectly right to bring him with us, and pray let him appear. Rowley Walk in, Mr. Snake. Enter Snake. I thought his testimony might be wanted: however, it happens unluckily, that he comes to confront Lady Sneerwell, not to support her. Lady Sneerwell A villain! Treacherous to me at last! Speak, fellow, have you, too, conspired against me? Snake I beg your ladyship ten thousand pardons: you paid me extremely liberally for the lie in question; but I unfortunately have been offered double to speak the truth. Sir Peter Plot and counterplot, egad! I wish your ladyship joy of your negotiation. Lady Sneerwell The torments of shame and disappointment on you all! Going. Lady Teazle Hold, Lady Sneerwell⁠—before you go, let me thank you for the trouble you and that gentleman have taken, in writing letters from me to Charles, and answering them yourself; and let me also request you to make my respects to the scandalous college of which you are president, and inform them that Lady Teazle, licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they granted her, as she leaves off practice, and kills characters no longer. Lady Sneerwell You, too, madam!⁠—provoking⁠—insolent! May your husband live these fifty years! Exit. Sir Peter Oons! what a fury! Lady Teazle A malicious creature, indeed! Sir Peter Hey! not for her last wish? Lady Teazle Oh, no! Sir Oliver Well, sir, and what have you to say now? Joseph Surface Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner, to impose on us all, that I know not what to say: however, lest her revengeful spirit should prompt her to injure my brother, I had certainly better follow her directly. For the man who attempts to⁠— Exit. Sir Peter Moral to the last drop! Sir Oliver Ay, and marry her, Joseph, if you can. Oil and Vinegar!⁠—egad, you’ll do very well together. Rowley I believe we have no more occasion for Mr. Snake at present. Snake Before I go, I beg pardon once for all, for whatever uneasiness I have been the humble instrument of causing to the parties present. Sir Peter Well, well, you have made atonement by a good deed at last. Snake But I must request of the company, that it shall never be known. Sir Peter Hey!⁠—what the plague!⁠—are you ashamed of having done a right thing once in your life? Snake Ah, sir, consider⁠—I live by the badness of my character;28 I have nothing but my infamy to depend on! and, if it were once known that I had been I betrayed into an honest action, I should lose every friend I have in the world. Sir Oliver Well, well⁠—we’ll not traduce you by saying anything in your praise, never fear. Exit Snake. Sir Peter There’s a precious rogue! Lady Teazle See, Sir Oliver, there needs no persuasion now to reconcile your nephew and Maria. Sir Oliver Ay, ay, that’s as it should be, and, egad, we’ll have the wedding tomorrow morning. Charles Surface Thank you, dear uncle. Sir Peter What, you rogue! don’t you ask the girl’s consent first? Charles Surface Oh, I have done that a long time⁠—a minute ago⁠—and she has looked yes. Maria For shame, Charles!⁠—I protest, Sir Peter, there has not been a word⁠— Sir Oliver Well, then, the fewer the better; may your love for each other never know abatement. Sir Peter And may you live as happily together as Lady Teazle and I intend to do! Charles Surface Rowley, my old friend, I am sure you congratulate me; and I suspect that I owe you much. Sir Oliver You do, indeed, Charles. Rowley If my efforts to serve you had not succeeded, you would have been in my debt for the attempt; but deserve to be happy and you overpay me. Sir Peter Ay, honest Rowley always said you would reform. Charles Surface

Why, as to reforming, Sir Peter, I’ll make no promises, and that I take to be a proof I intend to set about it. But here shall be my monitor⁠—my gentle guide. — Ah! can I leave the virtuous path those eyes illumine?

Though thou, dear maid, shouldst waive thy