The Duchess of Malfi

’em. This will gain
Access to private lodgings, where yourself
May, like a politic dormouse⁠— Bosola

As I have seen some
Feed in a lord’s dish, half asleep, not seeming
To listen to any talk; and yet these rogues
Have cut his throat in a dream. What’s my place?
The provisorship o’ the horse? Say, then, my corruption
Grew out of horse-dung: I am your creature.

Ferdinand

Away!

Exit. Bosola

Let good men, for good deeds, covet good fame,
Since place and riches oft are bribes of shame.
Sometimes the devil doth preach.

Exit.

Scene III

Malfi. Gallery in the Duchess’ palace.

	Enter Ferdinand, Duchess, Cardinal, and Cariola.
Cardinal	We are to part from you; and your own discretion Must now be your director.
Ferdinand	You are a widow: You know already what man is; and therefore Let not youth, high promotion, eloquence⁠—
Cardinal	No, Nor anything without the addition, honour, Sway your high blood.
Ferdinand	Marry! they are most luxurious16 Will wed twice.
Cardinal	O, fie!
Ferdinand	Their livers are more spotted Than Laban’s sheep.17
Duchess	Diamonds are of most value, They say, that have pass’d through most jewellers’ hands.
Ferdinand	Whores by that rule are precious.
Duchess	Will you hear me? I’ll never marry.
Cardinal	So most widows say; But commonly that motion lasts no longer Than the turning of an hourglass: the funeral sermon And it end both together.
Ferdinand	Now hear me: You live in a rank pasture, here, i’ the court; There is a kind of honeydew that’s deadly; ’T will poison your fame; look to’t. Be not cunning; For they whose faces do belie their hearts Are witches ere they arrive at twenty years, Ay, and give the devil suck.
Duchess	This is terrible good counsel.
Ferdinand	Hypocrisy is woven of a fine small thread, Subtler than Vulcan’s engine:18 yet, believe’t, Your darkest actions, nay, your privat’st thoughts, Will come to light.
Cardinal	You may flatter yourself, And take your own choice; privately be married Under the eaves of night⁠—
Ferdinand	Think’t the best voyage That e’er you made; like the irregular crab, Which, though’t goes backward, thinks that it goes right Because it goes its own way: but observe, Such weddings may more properly be said To be executed than celebrated.
Cardinal	The marriage night Is the entrance into some prison.
Ferdinand	And those joys, Those lustful pleasures, are like heavy sleeps Which do fore-run man’s mischief.
Cardinal	Fare you well. Wisdom begins at the end: remember it.
	Exit.
Duchess	I think this speech between you both was studied, It came so roundly off.
Ferdinand	You are my sister; This was my father’s poniard, do you see? I’d be loth to see’t look rusty, ’cause ’twas his. I would have you give o’er these chargeable revels: A visor and a mask are whispering-rooms That were never built for goodness⁠—fare ye well⁠— And women like variety of courtship. What cannot a neat knave with a smooth tale Make a woman believe? Farewell, lusty widow.
	Exit.
Duchess	Shall this move me? If all my royal kindred Lay in my way unto this marriage, I’d make them my low footsteps. And even now, Even in this hate, as men in some great battles, By apprehending danger, have achiev’d Almost impossible actions (I have heard soldiers say so), So I through frights and threatenings will assay This dangerous venture. Let old wives report I wink’d and chose a husband.⁠—Cariola, To thy known secrecy I have given up More than my life⁠—my fame.
Cariola	Both shall be safe; For I’ll conceal this secret from the world As warily as those that trade in poison Keep poison from their children.
Duchess	Thy protestation Is ingenious and hearty; I believe it. Is Antonio come?
Cariola	He attends you.
Duchess	Good dear soul, Leave me; but place thyself behind the arras, Where thou mayst overhear us. Wish me good speed; For I am going into a wilderness, Where I shall find nor path nor friendly clue To be my guide.
	Cariola goes behind the arras.
	Enter Antonio.
	I sent for you: sit down; Take pen and ink, and write: are you ready?
Antonio	Yes.
Duchess	What did I say?
Antonio	That I should write somewhat.
Duchess	O, I remember. After these triumphs and this large expense It’s fit, like thrifty husbands,19 we inquire What’s laid up for tomorrow.
Antonio	So please your beauteous excellence.
Duchess	Beauteous! Indeed, I thank you. I look young for your sake; You have ta’en my cares upon you.
Antonio	I’ll fetch your grace The particulars of your revenue and expense.
Duchess	O, you are An upright treasurer: but you mistook; For when I said I meant to make inquiry What’s laid up for tomorrow, I did mean What’s laid up yonder for me.
Antonio	Where?
Duchess	In heaven. I am making my will (as ’tis fit princes should, In perfect memory), and, I pray, sir, tell me, Were not one better make it smiling, thus, Than in deep groans and terrible ghastly looks, As if the gifts we parted with procur’d20 That violent distraction?
Antonio	O, much better.
Duchess	If I had a husband now, this care were quit: But I intend to make you overseer. What good deed shall we first remember? Say.
Antonio	Begin with that first good deed began i’ the world After man’s creation, the sacrament of marriage; I’d have you first provide for a good husband; Give him all.
Duchess	All!
Antonio	Yes, your excellent self.
Duchess	In a winding-sheet?
Antonio	In a couple.
Duchess	Saint Winifred, that were a strange will!
Antonio	’Twere stranger21 if there were no will in you To marry again.
Duchess	What do you think of marriage?
Antonio	I take’t, as those that deny purgatory, It locally contains or heaven or hell; There’s no third place in’t.
Duchess	How do you affect it?
Antonio	My banishment, feeding my melancholy, Would often reason thus.
Duchess	Pray, let’s hear it.
Antonio	Say a man never marry, nor have children, What takes that from him? Only the bare name Of being a father, or the weak delight To see the little wanton ride a-cock-horse Upon a painted stick, or hear him chatter Like a taught starling.
Duchess	Fie, fie, what’s