The Way of the World

my lady’s gone for a constable. I shall be had to a justice, and put to Bridewell to beat hemp. Poor Waitwell’s gone to prison already. Mrs. Fainall Have a good heart, Foible; Mirabell’s gone to give security for him. This is all Marwood’s and my husband’s doing. Foible Yes, yes; I know it, madam: she was in my lady’s closet, and overheard all that you said to me before dinner. She sent the letter to my lady, and that missing effect, Mr. Fainall laid this plot to arrest Waitwell, when he pretended to go for the papers; and in the meantime Mrs. Marwood declared all to my lady. Mrs. Fainall Was there no mention made of me in the letter? My mother does not suspect my being in the confederacy? I fancy Marwood has not told her, though she has told my husband. Foible Yes, madam; but my lady did not see that part. We stifled the letter before she read so far.⁠—Has that mischievous devil told Mr. Fainall of your ladyship then? Mrs. Fainall Aye, all’s out⁠—my affair with Mirabell⁠—everything discovered. This is the last day of our living together, that’s my comfort. Foible Indeed, madam, and so ’tis a comfort, if you knew all⁠—he has been even with your ladyship; which I could have told you long enough since, but I love to keep peace and quietness by my good will. I had rather bring friends together than set ’em at distance. But Mrs. Marwood and he are nearer related than ever their parents thought for. Mrs. Fainall Say’st thou so, Foible? Canst thou prove this? Foible I can take my oath of it, madam; so can Mrs. Mincing. We have had many a fair word from Madam Marwood to conceal something that passed in our chamber one evening when you were at Hyde Park, and we were thought to have gone a-walking. But we went up unawares; though we were sworn to secrecy too. Madam Marwood took a book and swore us upon it, but it was but a book of poems. So long as it was not a bible oath, we may break it with a safe conscience. Mrs. Fainall This discovery is the most opportune thing I could wish.https://standardebooks.org/ebooks/thornton-w-burgess/green-forest-storiesNow, Mincing! Enter Mincing. Mincing My lady would speak with Mrs. Foible, mem. Mr. Mirabell is with her; he has set your spouse at liberty, Mrs. Foible, and would have you hide yourself in my lady’s closet till my old lady’s anger is abated. Oh, my old lady is in a perilous passion at something Mr. Fainall has said; he swears, and my old lady cries. There’s a fearful hurricane, I vow. He says, mem, how that he’ll have my lady’s fortune made over to him, or he’ll be divorced. Mrs. Fainall Does your lady or Mirabell know that? Mincing Yes mem; they have sent me to see if Sir Wilfull be sober, and to bring him to them. My lady is resolved to have him, I think, rather than lose such a vast sum as six thousand pound.⁠—Oh, come, Mrs. Foible, I hear my old lady. Mrs. Fainall Foible, you must tell Mincing that she must prepare to vouch when I call her. Foible Yes, yes, madam. Mincing Oh, yes mem, I’ll vouch anything for your ladyship’s service, be what it will. Exeunt.

Scene II

Another room in Lady Wishfort’s house.

	Mrs. Fainall, Lady Wishfort, and Mrs. Marwood.
Lady Wishfort	O my dear friend, how can I enumerate the benefits that I have received from your goodness! To you I owe the timely discovery of the false vows of Mirabell; to you I owe the detection of the impostor Sir Rowland. And now you are become an intercessor with my son-in-law, to save the honour of my house and compound for the frailties of my daughter. Well, friend, you are enough to reconcile me to the bad world, or else I would retire to deserts and solitudes, and feed harmless sheep by groves and purling streams. Dear Marwood, let us leave the world, and retire by ourselves and be shepherdesses.
Mrs. Marwood	Let us first dispatch the affair in hand, madam. We shall have leisure to think of retirement afterwards. Here is one who is concerned in the treaty.
Lady Wishfort	O daughter, daughter! is it possible thou shouldst be my child, bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, and as I may say, another me, and yet transgress the most minute particle of severe virtue? Is it possible you should lean aside to iniquity, who have been cast in the direct mould of virtue? I have not only been a mould but a pattern for you, and a model for you, after you were brought into the world.
Mrs. Fainall	I don’t understand your ladyship.
Lady Wishfort	Not understand! Why, have you not been naught? Have you not been sophisticated? Not understand! Here I am ruined to compound for your caprices and your cuckoldoms. I must pawn my plate and my jewels, and ruin my niece, and all little enough⁠—
Mrs. Fainall	I am wronged and abused, and so are you. ’Tis a false accusation, as false as hell, as false as your friend there; aye, or your friend’s friend, my false husband.
Mrs. Marwood	My friend, Mrs. Fainall! Your husband my friend! what do you mean?
Mrs. Fainall	I know what I mean, madam, and so do you; and so shall the world at a time convenient.
Mrs. Marwood	I am sorry to see you so passionate, madam. More temper would look more like innocence. But I have done. I am sorry my zeal to serve your ladyship and family should admit of misconstruction, or make me liable to affronts. You will pardon me, madam, if I meddle no more with an affair in which I am not personally concerned.
Lady Wishfort	O dear friend, I am so ashamed that you should meet with such returns!⁠—To Mrs. Fainall. You ought to ask pardon on your knees, ungrateful creature! she deserves more from you than all your life can accomplish.⁠—To Mrs. Marwood. Oh, don’t leave me destitute in this perplexity!⁠—no, stick to me, my good genius.
Mrs. Fainall	I tell you, madam, you’re abused.⁠—Stick