The Comedy of Errors

epub:type="z3998:persona">Dromio of Ephesus To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me. Antipholus of Syracuse

Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

Dromio of Ephesus

My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
My mistress and her sister stay for you.

Antipholus of Syracuse

Now, as I am a Christian, answer me
In what safe place you have bestow’d my money,
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

Dromio of Ephesus

I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.
If I should pay your worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

Antipholus of Syracuse Thy mistress’ marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou? Dromio of Ephesus

Your worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

Antipholus of Syracuse

What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.

Dromio of Ephesus

What mean you, sir? for God’s sake hold your hands!
Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Exit.

Antipholus of Syracuse

Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o’er-raught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage,
As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many such-like liberties of sin:
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I’ll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
I greatly fear my money is not safe. Exit.

Act II

Scene I

The house of Antipholus of Ephesus.

	Enter Adriana and Luciana.
Adriana	Neither my husband nor the slave return’d, That in such haste I sent to seek his master! Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
Luciana	Perhaps some merchant hath invited him And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner. Good sister, let us dine and never fret: A man is master of his liberty: Time is their master, and when they see time They’ll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.
Adriana	Why should their liberty than ours be more?
Luciana	Because their business still lies out o’ door.
Adriana	Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
Luciana	O, know he is the bridle of your will.
Adriana	There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
Luciana	Why, headstrong liberty is lash’d with woe. There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky: The beasts, the fishes and the winged fowls Are their males’ subjects and at their controls: Men, more divine, the masters of all these, Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas, Indued with intellectual sense and souls, Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords: Then let your will attend on their accords.
Adriana	This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
Luciana	Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.
Adriana	But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
Luciana	Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey.
Adriana	How if your husband start some other where?
Luciana	Till he come home again, I would forbear.
Adriana	Patience unmoved! no marvel though she pause; They can be meek that have no other cause. A wretched soul, bruised with adversity, We bid be quiet when we hear it cry; But were we burden’d with like weight of pain, As much or more we should ourselves complain: So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, With urging helpless patience would relieve me; But, if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begg’d patience in thee will be left.
Luciana	Well, I will marry one day, but to try. Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
	Enter Dromio of Ephesus.
Adriana	Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
Dromio of Ephesus	Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
Adriana	Say, didst thou speak with him? know’st thou his mind?
Dromio of Ephesus	Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear: Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
Luciana	Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?
Dromio of Ephesus	Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce understand them.
Adriana	But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
Dromio of Ephesus	Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
Adriana	Horn-mad, thou villain!
Dromio of Ephesus	I mean not cuckold-mad; But, sure, he’s stark mad. When I desired him to come home to dinner, He ask’d me for a thousand marks in gold: “ ’Tis dinner time,” quoth I; “My gold!” quoth he: “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I; “My gold!” quoth he: “Will you come home?” quoth I; “My gold!” quoth he, “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?” “The pig,” quoth I “is burn’d;” “My gold!” quoth he: “My mistress, sir,” quoth I; “Hang up thy mistress! I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!”
Luciana	Quoth who?
Dromio of Ephesus	Quoth my master: “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no mistress.” So that my errand, due unto my tongue, I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders; For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Adriana	Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
Dromio of Ephesus	Go back again, and be new beaten home? For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
Adriana	Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
Dromio of Ephesus	And he will bless that cross with other beating: Between you I shall have a holy head.
Adriana	Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.
Dromio of Ephesus	Am I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither: If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. Exit.
Luciana	Fie, how