It wasn’t even subtle, the way Jun’s eyes widened in obvious distress.
Theo rushed to reassure him of his expectations. He wouldn’t ask Jun to change for the sake of Theo’s ego. Jun was perfect as he was. “You’re a man of few words, and I’m a man of many, so I suppose it falls to me to make the leap. Jun, I lo—”
Jun stumbled forward with the gasping sound of a man coming up for air and gripped Theo lightly by the arms. “Wait! You don’t—Theo, you don’t understand. I’m not safe. You won’t be safe, with me. I can’t ask that of you. I won’t ask that of you.”
Of course he wouldn’t. It wasn’t in his nature, annoyingly self-sacrificing as he was. Trust Jun to run away from the things he most wanted at full speed.
Theo brought a hand up to his face and traced over the lines of ink that crept up his jaw. The lines that decorated Theo’s dreams. “I don’t care that you’re not asking, because I’m telling you. I love you, Jun. I don’t expect to hear it back; I know you have bigger things on your mind. But I wanted to tell you.” His heart skidded around the corner and slammed into the wall of his chest at the confession.
Dark molten eyes watched him, entire galaxies swimming in their depths as Jun tightened his grip on Theo’s arms.
Swallowing against the unwelcome lump in his throat, Theo continued, “I can finish the translation elsewhere, if you truly wish for me to leave.” He drew a shuddering breath as Jun’s lips parted, face stricken. “As long as I remain on this side of the Verge, I can transfer the data to you over secure lines. My brother can take whatever you need aboard our ship to work on in his lab. Our assistance can be done remotely, if you are simply finished with me.”
It wasn’t the longest romantic entanglement of Theo’s life, but it was certainly the deepest. Uprooting Jun from his heart would leave massive, tunneling scars, but he would do it. If that’s what Jun wanted from him.
Theo had been a little bit selfish all his life, carefree and, sometimes, thoughtless of others. He had never offered such a personal sacrifice to anyone but his brother. But, for Jun, Theo would release the yearnings of his heart and accept the loss with grace.
For Jun, Theo could think about the needs of someone else before himself.
After a few more seconds of silence, he began to fear he would shake apart and float out into space if Jun didn’t give a response. Finally, the dam burst, and Theo blurted out his thoughts, everything in him focused on Jun’s troubled face. “Please say something, Jun. I’ll graciously accept whatever your choice, but I can’t wait in suspense a moment longer. So, please just, say something.”
“Copper.”
Theo drew back a bit in disbelief, wrinkling up his nose as he repeated back the word.
Jun appeared just as surprised as he was. A deep flush stole across Jun’s cheeks as he did an excellent impression of a mortified goldfish before stammering out the rest. “You asked, once. About my favorite color. It’s copper.”
A sharp, resplendent bolt of joy struck Theo right through the center as he listened to everything Jun was saying with his face, and body, and nonsensical words. “You said it was black.”
Jun wet his lips, then shook his head and fingered a strand of Theo’s hair. “It’s copper. I just didn’t know that, yet.”
It was the most romantic thing a man had ever said to Theo, and he had once gone walking with a poet who had described his toes as rosebuds.
That was, perhaps, not the best comparison, but Theo had little control over his wild thoughts. Everything was careening at double speed inside his head.
Inside his heart.
He bumped his head against Jun’s hand where he gently grasped his hair, unable to contain the joy bubbling up in his slowly spreading smile. “Jun, are you asking me to stay?”
The relief that washed over Jun’s face at Theo’s prompting made Theo want to wrap him up in blankets and hold him close. Forever, if possible.
“Yes.” Jun spoke as if he had been shoved to the end of a gangplank and faced shark-infested waters if he didn’t get his words out in time.
It took discipline, but Theo just watched him expectantly, letting the silence stretch out like taffy until it was thin enough to snap, the whole time Jun’s face creasing with the effort of expressing himself.
“Stay with me.”
Theo held his breath, still waiting even as he rocked up on the tips of his toes, feeling like he might vibrate out of his skin.
Abruptly releasing Theo’s hair, Jun shoved one of his own sleeves up past the elbow to reveal a flash of red. It was Theo’s garter, tied securely around his arm. A tidal wave of fondness swept Theo away at the sight. Had Jun been wearing it ever since? Carrying it with him like a knight’s token?
After teasing the knot free, Jun held the ribbon in one hand while he plunged the other into his pocket to retrieve a balled-up handkerchief with rusty stains and—
Theo’s initials monogrammed on the corner.
With a shaky breath, Jun uncurled his hand to let the handkerchief fall open around a tiny wire star. He then draped the ribbon beside it.
He offered it all to Theo on his palm, the silk crushed where it had been coarsely tied and the star misshapen from handling. His voice dragged soft and slow like a hand down Theo’s spine, his gaze caught so close to his there was no prying them apart. “I love you, Theo. Please stay.”
In his dreams, Theo had listened for those words a thousand times over, but never—not once—had they reached his ears.
It was indescribable, the
