‘Don’t think like that,’ Caroline replied, far from sure as to how she should be thinking.
Sara looked at herself in the mirror, and Caroline watched as she snapped herself out of her mind, as if switching on the Sara Henshaw she knew everyone else wanted to see. In that moment, Caroline realised this was a woman who had her internal struggles and battles, but who kept them all well hidden from everyone else. In that respect, she saw much of herself in Sara.
‘Come on,’ she said, putting a hand on Sara’s shoulder. ‘Let’s go back and have a drink. If we get a few down Kiera she might out herself as a closet arsehole and force Aidan to ditch her.’
Sara lifted one corner of her mouth into a half-smile. ‘Maybe we can get her to admit she’s a Nottingham Forest fan. That should do it.’
‘You mind your language, DC Henshaw. Come on.’
As they made their way back to the table and sat down, Caroline began to tune out the conversation. It joined the background hum of the pub, the atmosphere of life and community she was coming to enjoy so much. And as she watched her small but loyal team toasting another job well done, she realised her own role was evolving.
Epilogue
Caroline sat down in the consultant’s room and tried to gauge what he was about to say from the look on his face. He was a difficult man to read — deliberately, she imagined. She knew from her own job that it was often a good idea to keep one’s cards close to one’s chest, and to get the opportunity to present the information properly and professionally, without undue emotion.
Mark held her hand, squeezing it tight, her constant source of strength and support.
‘Okay, so we’re here for your scan results,’ the consultant said, as if he’d expected Caroline to bring them with her.
‘Yes. The MRI,’ she replied.
‘Indeed. I won’t keep you hanging on — it looks like good news. The surgery appears to have removed all the cancerous tissue, and there are no signs of any regrowth showing on the scan.’
Although the consultant continued talking, Caroline didn’t hear a word. Her head filled with so many emotions, she could barely identify them, never mind process them. Sheer joy took the lead, along with an enormous sense of relief. There was regret at everything she’d had to go through, anger that it had shaped her life so much and an unfortunate sense of guilt for those who hadn’t been so fortunate as to hear the words she’d just heard. And then there was Mark, and everything it had put him through.
‘Now, I understand it’s probably quite an emotional thing to hear,’ the consultant said, Caroline desperately trying to focus on his words. ‘Do you need a minute?’
‘No. No, I’m fine. Just a huge relief,’ she replied, Mark kissing her on the head.
‘From a medical point of view, I’m delighted to be able to say you’re now officially in remission. But there’s still quite a bit of aftercare to happen. We’re going to continue to monitor you, just to make sure there’s no regrowth or any symptoms cropping up elsewhere. That’ll involve regular checkups, scans and monitoring. It also means that on the unlikely off-chance something does crop up, we’re able to deal with it much more quickly, before it gets out of hand.’
As the consultant spoke, Caroline felt her thoughts drifting again, and was thankful for Mark being here with her. Her head was all over the place, but she knew he’d pick up the details. He always had. Always would.
A short while later, Caroline and Mark stepped outside and into the fresh air. Caroline breathed in deeply, savouring the sensation. There would be many more breaths to come, and she was going to make sure she enjoyed every single one of them.
She took off her scarf and unzipped her coat. It had been a bitterly cold morning when they’d arrived at the hospital, but the sun was now out, bathing everything in an energising yellow light.
She watched as the last remnants of frost and ice dripped from the railings, forming glistening puddles on the floor. After a long, hard winter, it seemed as though spring had finally sprung. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day.
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Acknowledgments
As I write these opening words of the acknowledgements, I’m watching the snow fall outside my office window. When I started writing the book, I had no idea if we were going to have a cold winter or a mild one. Not that it mattered: it’s a fictional book with fictional characters working for a fictional police force. But even though the world of my books is largely made-up, it carries on in a roughly parallel timeline with the real world — albeit one where things like global pandemics can be safely ignored and forgotten about.
In any case, the theme of cold was one that stuck with me throughout the writing of this book. Perhaps it’s a natural result of everyone having spent a year isolated from their family and friends. Maybe it was my own prescient foreknowledge about the cold weather we were going to have (and I’m totally claiming god-like wisdom here). More likely, it was my own fatalistic outlook on the world. Either way, a lot of things in this book were bloody cold, and I’m not
