The onslaught of memories continued, increasing in speed with each stolen moment. The first cup of tea Alda made for me the night Jaren rescued me from the snow. The first time I was able to knock the old knight Brusch into the dirt after so many years of practice behind Ashedown’s forge. My first kiss with Lia, lying in the southern fields of Kaldan the night before we reached Attetsia’s walls. Jarut’s stifled laugh as Kel teased me about my relentless stories of my life with Amaya. Stop it. As each memory burned away to mist, an indignant flame grew stronger in my stomach. Those aren’t yours to take.
Another flash of pain struck me more powerfully than before, and two memories played side by side before me. To my left, Amaya stood at the base of our shady tree, dressed in a simple white wedding dress. To my right, Lia was bound hand-in-hand with me in the Mayaan chapel, her brilliant rainbow dress glowing beneath the stained glass window above us. “NO!” I roared, pulling back on the memories with all my might. “NOT THOSE!”
A chill ran down my spine and spread out through my limbs, interrupting my pain and halting the playback of the memories. Hello, Elden. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I felt a mix of relief and fear as Amaya’s voice whispered in my ear. Looks like you’re in a bit of a...delicate situation.
I’m dying; is that delicate enough for you? The mimicking of Amaya’s voice still turned my stomach in disgust, and the casual nature of the greeting set me off balance.
Oh, you’re always so dramatic,her voice said with an audible eye roll. You’re just a bit lost, is all. Stayed a bit too long in the dark, and now you can’t get out. What did you expect? You went a bit overboard with your little rampage, don’t you think?
That wasn’t me. That was—
We both know that isn’t true, Elden.As much as I wanted to believe I had been an unwilling passenger in the brutal slaughter in the throne room, the memory was clear without the obscuring filter of the dark presence in my head: I had asked for its power, and I had enjoyed every second of killing Virram and his men.
It doesn’t matter. I gave up control to...whatever it is that lives in my head, and this time, nobody is here to bring me back. I conjured up an image of Lia’s face and cherished the memory while it still belonged to me.
That’s not true either, love, Amaya’s voice cooed. You have me.
Don’t pretend that you aren’t the reason I’m here. I might not understand any of this death energy shit, but I’m smart enough to know that it all leads back to whatever you are.
Her voice turned to a malicious, icy laugh in my ears, a noise the true Amaya would never have made. Elden, my absence is the reason you’re here. I warned you the last time we spoke that you’d regret refusing my help, and here we are. Without me to guide you along and temper your worst instincts, well...why don’t we ask Virram Yorrell how that turned out?
A momentary flash of Virram’s glassy, eyeless face appeared before me, and I recoiled from the image. No. You killed Lia; there’s no way I’ll ever trust anything you say.
The voice huffed indignantly. Oh, are you still hung up on that? She’s fine now. I knew you’d figure something out.
Fuck you.
Amaya’s voice giggled. Did you forget where you are? The cooling force within my body vanished, and I was immediately consumed by the full wrath of the void once again. I convulsed as the agony took hold, and the twin visions of my weddings immediately reappeared before me. Amaya’s face faded into the darkness, and the rest of the memory followed after it, dissipating in a fine mist. The edges of my memory of Lia began to waver as I looked on in horror.
BECOME WHAT YOU WERE MEANT—
“WAIT!” I screamed, grasping uselessly at the fading memory.
The foggy edges of the vision of Lia solidified as soon as the word escaped my lips. Interested in talking again, are we?
Give it back.
It’s awfully rude to make demands of someone trying to help you.
Give. It. Back. Although the burning pain of the void had once again been soothed, my chest still ached where the missing memory of my wedding to Amaya had lived. The sucking feeling left in its wake made me feel like a hollowed-out shell, devoid of all motivation other than becoming whole again.
I heard a long sigh as the voice moved from one ear to the other; it seemed so close that I could feel its breath on the back of my neck, but there was nothing around me beyond the neverending darkness. What makes you think I can bring it back? I’m not the one who took it from you.
If you can’t bring it back, leave me alone. Just let me die.
Oh, Elden. I’ve told you before; self-pity doesn’t look good on you. There was a long pause as the voice hummed, apparently deep in thought.You’re no fun like this, though, so...I suppose I can help you out.
While I knew it was just as dangerous to put my faith in the false Amaya as it was to embrace the dark presence inside of me, it was the only chance I had at regaining what had been stolen. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes as I made the decision I knew I would one day regret. Thank you.
Don’t mention it, love,the voice giggled. Though, before we get started, I have one condition.
The immediate fulfillment of my worries made me wince. Name it.
I need you to apologize.
I
