“You can’t think that was mine. Mark. Someone must have put it there.”
“Please stop acting like you are the victim here.”
“I am the victim, Mark. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. And if you loved me, you would listen.”
“That’s not fair. You know I love you. I have tried to be understanding. I have tried to help.” He stands up and clears his throat. “I’m heading out to the Eastern Shore to meet Caitlin. She’s already taken Cole. I’ve made an appointment for you at Bridgeways for this afternoon—”
“You did what? Listen, you can’t do this. There’s a chance I’m going to be arrested.”
He jerks his head back. “What?”
“That’s what Artie Zucker told me last night. He said to be ready.”
“That’s convenient.”
His cold reaction stuns me. I know he’s upset, but still, I expected sympathy. “It’s true.” I spit the words at him. “You think I’m lying about being arrested?”
“Honestly, I don’t know what to think. If you’re arrested, obviously you can’t meet me at—”
“That’s very understanding, Mark.”
He ignores my sarcasm. “Let me finish. I plan on meeting you there, at Bridgeways, at five p.m. Of course, if something happens, and you physically can’t make it…” He exhales deeply. “But I’m telling you, Allie, if you’re not there at five, and you don’t have a damn good reason, I’m filing for emergency temporary custody.”
Emergency custody. The two words knock the wind out of me. My chest feels concave, sucking in on itself. I open my mouth to take in air, but my lungs won’t expand.
He’s going to take Cole.
When I look up, Mark has left the room. I can’t let him do this. I force myself to stand despite the dizziness and follow him down the stairs.
“You can’t do this!” I yell at his back as we pass through the dining room. In the kitchen, he pauses at the refrigerator to take out a bottle of water.
“I want to help you. I’m trying to help you. But I can’t let Cole see you like this. I don’t want to do this, believe me, but—”
“If you don’t want to, don’t.”
He shuts the fridge and continues to the mudroom, where he tucks the water bottle into his overnight bag. It’s packed full of clothing. This is a fait accompli. There was never going to be a discussion. He opens the back door and walks out. Bits of stone and twigs dig into my bare feet as I stumble after him, my robe flapping around me, the cold air hitting my bare torso.
“Emergency custody?” I have to force the words out as I run.
Mark pops open the trunk of his car and places his bag inside.
“I found the file,” I say, out of breath. “I know you hired someone to follow me. To spy on me.”
He slams the trunk shut. “You went through my things?”
“That’s what matters to you? That I went through your things? You hired a private detective, Mark. To spy on your wife.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then explain it.” We stare at each other for a moment that stretches on. We are like two actors on a stage who have forgotten our lines. I, the accommodating wife. He, the stalwart husband. If only someone from backstage could whisper them to us.
“Caitlin hired that detective,” Mark says, a tremor in his voice. “I didn’t ask her to. I didn’t even read the file.”
“I don’t believe you. I heard you on the phone the other night. The night I told you that car was on our block?”
He lets out an anemic laugh. “Allie, you’ve got this all wrong. Caitlin hired the guy without asking me, but once she told me about the detective, I asked him to look into everything that has been going on. To try to find out who is doing this to you. Caitlin said he’s the best.”
“Caitlin. Did she put this in my car, too?” I toss the condom wrapper at him. “Maybe she’s the one who’s been behind all this online crap.”
“That’s crazy. Why would she do that?”
“She never liked me. Maybe she’s trying to split us up.”
Mark pushes me aside so he can open the driver-side door.
“To guarantee custody of Cole? Or maybe she wants him for herself.”
He snorts. “Do you even hear yourself? You sound crazy.”
“Do I?” I say, positioning my body so he can’t shut the door. “What is it that Caitlin said about her precious trifecta? No job, substance abuse, infidelity. Is that what you want? What your family wants?”
“You know it’s not what I want.” He starts the engine and reaches to close the door. “I have to go, Allie. I don’t want to fight with you.”
I don’t budge.
“Now please, move back before you get hurt.”
47
But I am hurt already. Watching Mark drive away, my whole body begins to ache like I have the flu. I am alone on my street, my robe flapping around me. I yank it tight as his ultimatum rings in my ears: check into rehab or he’ll file for custody.
I fall to the wet asphalt, feeling like the earth is dropping out from under me, and I’m scared I might be sick right there on the street. From the corner of my eye, I see two figures and a small dog coming this way. I wipe away my tears, and the forms take shape. Daisy is bundled into a yellow slicker, like the kind old-fashioned fishermen wear, and Leah is holding a thin leash attached to Dustin’s therapy dog.
Daisy and Leah, Leah and Daisy, always there at every turn. A strange mixture of comfort and unease fills me. A notion lurks in the shadows of my thoughts, but before I can pinch it and pull it into the light, they are beside me, cooing kind words and lifting me up.
Arms around me, they sweep me inside, clucking over me. I let myself be carried along by their confident concern like a broken tree branch being swept down a river. I haven’t even had
